mayorofthdesert
Active member
how do you find will smith in the snow?
you look for the fresh prints.
ba-dum-bump.
you look for the fresh prints.
ba-dum-bump.
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R
Robrites
lamenamenumbers
Member
what a day
what a day
Oh man, what a day. I was running in front of a car and I got tired. Then I ran behind a car and I got exhausted...... I tell you all I have to look forward to is the reunion with my limbo group, we go way back........
what a day
Oh man, what a day. I was running in front of a car and I got tired. Then I ran behind a car and I got exhausted...... I tell you all I have to look forward to is the reunion with my limbo group, we go way back........
[FONT="]WAGE AUDIT BY IRS[/FONT]
[FONT="]The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.[/FONT]
[FONT="]IRS AUDITOR:[/FONT][FONT="]"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".[/FONT]
[FONT="]Boat Owner:[/FONT][FONT="]"Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweiser's every [/FONT][FONT="]Saturday[/FONT][FONT="] night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".[/FONT]
[FONT="]IRS AUDITOR:[/FONT][FONT="] "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".[/FONT]
[FONT="]Boat Owner:[/FONT][FONT="] "That would be me. What would you like to know?[/FONT]
[FONT="]The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.[/FONT]
[FONT="]IRS AUDITOR:[/FONT][FONT="]"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".[/FONT]
[FONT="]Boat Owner:[/FONT][FONT="]"Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweiser's every [/FONT][FONT="]Saturday[/FONT][FONT="] night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".[/FONT]
[FONT="]IRS AUDITOR:[/FONT][FONT="] "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".[/FONT]
[FONT="]Boat Owner:[/FONT][FONT="] "That would be me. What would you like to know?[/FONT]
lamenamenumbers
Member
Did I ever tell you guys about my first job? I worked at the orange juice factory. I got canned, couldn't concentrate......
groan-a-palooza
groan-a-palooza
"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef."
"One night, I paid $20 to see Prince. But I partied like it was $19.99."
"I taught a wolf to meditate. Now he's Aware Wolf."
"What do you call a labrador that becomes a magician? A labracadabrador."
"What's the best method to determine how heavy your red hot chili pepper is?
give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now."
"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff..."
groan-a-palooza
"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef."
"One night, I paid $20 to see Prince. But I partied like it was $19.99."
"I taught a wolf to meditate. Now he's Aware Wolf."
"What do you call a labrador that becomes a magician? A labracadabrador."
"What's the best method to determine how heavy your red hot chili pepper is?
give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now."
"Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff..."
Mice ate 1/2 Ton of weed lmao.
https://metro.co.uk/2018/04/12/eigh...e-ate-half-ton-weed-went-missing-7461041/amp/
https://metro.co.uk/2018/04/12/eigh...e-ate-half-ton-weed-went-missing-7461041/amp/
U
Ununionized
Why do scuba divers fall backwards, off the sides of the boats, when they're getting in the water?
Because if they fell forward,
they'd
still be on the BOAT! BwWAAAaaaHah Hah!
What's the difference between a diving instructor's job
and a Large Pizza?
A large Pizza
can feed four people.
Because if they fell forward,
they'd
still be on the BOAT! BwWAAAaaaHah Hah!
What's the difference between a diving instructor's job
and a Large Pizza?
A large Pizza
can feed four people.
Last edited:
lamenamenumbers
Member
R.I.P. peace boiled water. You will be mist......
lamenamenumbers
Member
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing...
R
Robrites
The Husband Store
The Husband Store
A new store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
The Husband Store
A new store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
