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The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

Only Ornamental

Only Ornamental

Spiritually inspired agnostic mad scientist
Veteran
Holy sh***!!! 20'000 for a wreck? That sounds like a joke even with(out) the wife being included in the deal!
When I read the description, I imagined the car being more like
IMAG0187.jpg
ic
 
TNTBudSticker

TNTBudSticker

Well-known member
Veteran
So a Guy who used Peptides ended up in the Hospital with a 8 hour hard-on since it is a side effect.

At the receptionist desk he tells her the problem with his 8 hour woody.

He then hears the Receptionist tells another nurse if they had a doctor on Call.

The guy over heard this and said " No ,I don't want an escort."

:laughing:
 
R

Robrites

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know...
 
MicroRoy

MicroRoy

Active member
Capt.Ahab said:
LOL.
I was just on Ebay looking at cars and spotted something in a description.

ITEMS THAT DON'T WORK OR MISSING:
PASSENGER SIDE WINDSHIELD POST MOLDING (SEE PICTURE)
FRONT GRILLE HAS ONE BROKE FIN (SEE PICTURE)
HEADLIGHT DIMMER SWITCH IS STUCK
ELECTRIC MOTOR FOR HIDDEN HEADLIGHTS
HOOD TURN SIGNALS
RADIATOR HAS A CRACK
WINDSHIELD RESIVOR IS CRACKED / HOLE
RADIO
wife
CIGARETTE LIGHTER
EXTERIOR KEY DOOR LOCKS
TIC-TOC-TACH
NO INSTRUMENT DASH PANEL LIGHTS
FUSE BLOCK IS MISSING TOP FUSE METAL CLIP FOR ONE FUSE
TEMPERATURE GAUGE OR SENDING UNIT ISSUE
DRIVER SIDE FRONT FENDER SIDE MARKER DOES NOT LIGHT
SEAT BELTS
FENDER I.D. TAG

Is she missing or not working, or both? :biggrin:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/1970-Dodge-...76f8c328:g:0z8AAOSwcUBYOyGy&item=182384640808
Click to expand...
I swear I got stuckn behind that car on the hiway.
 
H

Huckster79

Whats the difference between a blonde slut and a mosqito ?


A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it...
 
S

Slipnot

Member
Today i asked this hot chick at my gym,what her new years resolution was.
she said " Fuck you"

So i am pretty excited about 2017
 
R

Robrites

So a gorilla dies of old age at a zoo...

So a gorilla dies of old age at a zoo...

...right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one. Quickly, the new "gorilla" becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the "Human-like" gorilla. About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get people's attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lion's den next to him. A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lion's den. The man starts screaming "HELP!! HELP!!!" Suddenly a lion pounces him from behind and whispers in his ear, "Shut the fuck up or you're going to get us both fired."
 
9

99%

Quote:
Originally Posted by rykus
How did the cannabis farmer both win and loose the cannabis cup?

He was out standing in his field.

Everyone thought his was best, but he couldn't stand the strain


Kaochiu nails it....nice one!
 
S

Slipnot

Member
99% said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by rykus
How did the cannabis farmer both win and loose the cannabis cup?

He was out standing in his field.

Everyone thought his was best, but he couldn't stand the strain


Kaochiu nails it....nice one!
Click to expand...

You mean strand the strain lol:laughing:
 
Weezard

Weezard

Hawaiian Inebriatti
Veteran
So, this guy was selling rabbits, and "smarter pills", out of a van.
Dem pills were round, dark brown, and a little chewy.
But they tasted like shit.

I said to da guy. "Brah, these smarter pills taste like shit!"
He jus' grin an' say. "See, you smarter already!"
 
R

Robrites

A farmer has 895 sheep...

A farmer has 895 sheep...

Realizing that this is quite a lot of sheep for one farm, and Jess the sheepdog is getting a bit old, he decides he'll probably need a new dog- no, a whole team of dogs- to round so many sheep up.

So the next day, the farmer goes to the pet store. He looks around at the various herding dogs- they seem very fit, but young and untrained. The shopkeeper asks the farmer if he wants any help.

"Why yes," says the farmer. I need a team of sheepdogs to help round up my flock. I have a rather large number of sheep, you see, and I don't think any of these young pups would be up to the task of rounding up so many."

The shopkeeper says, "I've got just the thing for you." and leads the farmer into a small back room, where a single sheepdog sits waiting.

"Are you sure?" asks the farmer, "I have very many sheep and I don't think one dog will be able to round all of them up.".

"I'm sure." says the shopkeeper, "This is a very intelligent dog. He's been well-trained for many jobs and has skills beyond any other dog I've ever seen."

"Yes," says the dog, "I know six languages, eight martial arts and I have a degree in engineering." The farmer, clearly very impressed by this dog- who wouldn't be impressed by that?- decides to take him home.

That afternoon, the farmer and the dog walk together up hill, and from the top they can see the entire flock covering the fields. "Well," says the farmer, "I'd like you to round up all of these sheep.".

"Okay." replies the dog, "You have nine hundred sheep."
 
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