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R
Robrites
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With all the bad jokes going around, I had to draw the line somewhere.
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With all the bad jokes going around, I had to draw the line somewhere.
R
Robrites
I don't always tell dad jokes
I don't always tell dad jokes
But when I do he laughs
I don't always tell dad jokes
But when I do he laughs
What's an epileptic kid's favourite food?
Seizure salad.
Yeah I'm definitely going to hell
What do you do when you see an epileptic have a seizure in bathtub?
Throw in a load of laundry.
So, he died and found himself at the Pearly Gates,
- Name, please?
- Howard Lionel Robinson
- Mmmh, your name's not in the screen, i'm afraid you're going to hell
- Hell? But i've always been a good guy!
- Sorry, no name in screen, please move along, we're too busy
Arrives at the Hell's Gates.
- Name please?
- Howard Lionel Robinson
- I can't see your name in the screen. Lucky you, only going to Purgatory
- Yeah, if you can call it luck!
Purgatory's Entrance was really busy, the doorman rushing everyone
-Next! You! Name!
- Howard Lionel Robinson
- You're not in the screen, so reincarnation for you! Quick! Rattlesnake or farm hen?
- Well... let me think... I...
- No time!
And suddenly he finds himself in a farm next to other hens.
- Reincarnation, is it?.- asks one
- Yeah, name's Howard. So, what you do here to get along?
- You've got two choices, either you lay eggs or you go to the butchers.
- But i never did that, egg! how do you do that?
- Well, you press hard until you get it out, that's all it takes.
- Just by pressing hard?
- Yeah, go on, you can do it!
- Mmmmmggrrrppffff!
At this time a fog involves everything and somebody comes running and screaming
- Wake up! Wake up! Howard for chrissake! You're having a shit on the pillow!
- Name, please?
- Howard Lionel Robinson
- Mmmh, your name's not in the screen, i'm afraid you're going to hell
- Hell? But i've always been a good guy!
- Sorry, no name in screen, please move along, we're too busy
Arrives at the Hell's Gates.
- Name please?
- Howard Lionel Robinson
- I can't see your name in the screen. Lucky you, only going to Purgatory
- Yeah, if you can call it luck!
Purgatory's Entrance was really busy, the doorman rushing everyone
-Next! You! Name!
- Howard Lionel Robinson
- You're not in the screen, so reincarnation for you! Quick! Rattlesnake or farm hen?
- Well... let me think... I...
- No time!
And suddenly he finds himself in a farm next to other hens.
- Reincarnation, is it?.- asks one
- Yeah, name's Howard. So, what you do here to get along?
- You've got two choices, either you lay eggs or you go to the butchers.
- But i never did that, egg! how do you do that?
- Well, you press hard until you get it out, that's all it takes.
- Just by pressing hard?
- Yeah, go on, you can do it!
- Mmmmmggrrrppffff!
At this time a fog involves everything and somebody comes running and screaming
- Wake up! Wake up! Howard for chrissake! You're having a shit on the pillow!
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Budgrower4life
Member
What's the difference between a hooker & a junkie.
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
R
Robrites
Two old men had been best friends for years...
Two old men had been best friends for years...
...and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven." The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven." "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is that you're pitching on Wednesday."
Two old men had been best friends for years...
...and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven." The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven." "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is that you're pitching on Wednesday."
A man was driving down the street when he saw little Johnny with a fireman’s hat on sitting in a little red wagon being pulled by a black lab.
He thought, ‘this has to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I’ve got to stop and talk to this little boy.’
He got out, looked and said “Son, that sure is a nice fire engine you’ve got there but, don’t you think he would pull a little better if you had that rope tied around his neck instead of his balls?”
Johnny looked at him and said, “Well, I guess he’d pull better but, then I wouldn’t have a siren!”
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A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
He thought, ‘this has to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I’ve got to stop and talk to this little boy.’
He got out, looked and said “Son, that sure is a nice fire engine you’ve got there but, don’t you think he would pull a little better if you had that rope tied around his neck instead of his balls?”
Johnny looked at him and said, “Well, I guess he’d pull better but, then I wouldn’t have a siren!”
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A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson.
"And you, Susie? " the teacher asks.
Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."
Suddenly, in the back part of the plane someone started shouting
- Please, we need a doctor, quick! this man's having a heart attack!
A guy gets there and says
- I'm a doctor
- What's your speciality?
- Spanish Philology
- WTF, this man is gonna die!
- Este - hombre - va - a - morir
- Please, we need a doctor, quick! this man's having a heart attack!
A guy gets there and says
- I'm a doctor
- What's your speciality?
- Spanish Philology
- WTF, this man is gonna die!
- Este - hombre - va - a - morir
R
Robrites
I like to stand in the corner of my psychiatrist's waiting room and blow on anyone who walks by...
Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...
I told my wife she was applying her eyebrows too high
She looked surprised.
Most people hate it, but I'm a fan...
I told my wife she was applying her eyebrows too high
She looked surprised.
seeded
Active member
Gets a wedding ring
9
99%
and as her fingers will heal, "brake" should be changed to cut and you might as well of blinded her too, just to be sure!
..but seriously though, try right clicking the words underlined in red before posting and correct the spelling mistakes..I can't spell either, but use the auto spell check all the time
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brown_thumb
Active member
Not a joke but a poem...
Not a joke but a poem...
Once upon a naked moon
I dreamt a maiden, swooned
She beckoned with her lovely plume
I gave her my very best
Then I took a needed rest
Upon her ample heaving breast
She sighed and thanked me
Then she smiled and spanked me
'Twas a naughty hanky panky
Oh, to dream and remember
Days gone by, now September
On Winter's edge, nigh my lonely slumber
Not a joke but a poem...
Once upon a naked moon
I dreamt a maiden, swooned
She beckoned with her lovely plume
I gave her my very best
Then I took a needed rest
Upon her ample heaving breast
She sighed and thanked me
Then she smiled and spanked me
'Twas a naughty hanky panky
Oh, to dream and remember
Days gone by, now September
On Winter's edge, nigh my lonely slumber
Snook
Still Learning
brown pen.
What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A "Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker"
A "Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker"
LOL.
I was just on Ebay looking at cars and spotted something in a description.
ITEMS THAT DON'T WORK OR MISSING:
PASSENGER SIDE WINDSHIELD POST MOLDING (SEE PICTURE)
FRONT GRILLE HAS ONE BROKE FIN (SEE PICTURE)
HEADLIGHT DIMMER SWITCH IS STUCK
ELECTRIC MOTOR FOR HIDDEN HEADLIGHTS
HOOD TURN SIGNALS
RADIATOR HAS A CRACK
WINDSHIELD RESIVOR IS CRACKED / HOLE
RADIO
wife
CIGARETTE LIGHTER
EXTERIOR KEY DOOR LOCKS
TIC-TOC-TACH
NO INSTRUMENT DASH PANEL LIGHTS
FUSE BLOCK IS MISSING TOP FUSE METAL CLIP FOR ONE FUSE
TEMPERATURE GAUGE OR SENDING UNIT ISSUE
DRIVER SIDE FRONT FENDER SIDE MARKER DOES NOT LIGHT
SEAT BELTS
FENDER I.D. TAG
Is she missing or not working, or both?
http://www.ebay.com/itm/1970-Dodge-...76f8c328:g:0z8AAOSwcUBYOyGy&item=182384640808
I was just on Ebay looking at cars and spotted something in a description.
ITEMS THAT DON'T WORK OR MISSING:
PASSENGER SIDE WINDSHIELD POST MOLDING (SEE PICTURE)
FRONT GRILLE HAS ONE BROKE FIN (SEE PICTURE)
HEADLIGHT DIMMER SWITCH IS STUCK
ELECTRIC MOTOR FOR HIDDEN HEADLIGHTS
HOOD TURN SIGNALS
RADIATOR HAS A CRACK
WINDSHIELD RESIVOR IS CRACKED / HOLE
RADIO
wife
CIGARETTE LIGHTER
EXTERIOR KEY DOOR LOCKS
TIC-TOC-TACH
NO INSTRUMENT DASH PANEL LIGHTS
FUSE BLOCK IS MISSING TOP FUSE METAL CLIP FOR ONE FUSE
TEMPERATURE GAUGE OR SENDING UNIT ISSUE
DRIVER SIDE FRONT FENDER SIDE MARKER DOES NOT LIGHT
SEAT BELTS
FENDER I.D. TAG
Is she missing or not working, or both?
http://www.ebay.com/itm/1970-Dodge-...76f8c328:g:0z8AAOSwcUBYOyGy&item=182384640808
