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MicroRoy
Active member
. A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone.
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."
"I went to get a haircut," was the reply.
"But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?"
"Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."
R
Robrites
THAT one made me laugh! Thanks.
R
Robrites
I accidentally gave my wife superglue instead of Chapstick
I accidentally gave my wife superglue instead of Chapstick
She's still not talking to me.
I accidentally gave my wife superglue instead of Chapstick
She's still not talking to me.
One time my friend and I were up in the middle of the afternoon with a rather large quantity of beer, guitars and women, and the local D.J. was on the radio leading off the town party - our team had won the Super Bowl the day before.
D.J. on the radio was taking call after call, from people, celebrating, having taken the day off, to party: every one, he'd ask, ''Where ARE you guys!?'' and the DJ was kinda just directing everyone around town to the various parties.
People were REPEATEDLY saying the parties were o.f.f thuh HooK.
''Hey, this chick, all she's got on is a football helmet and her underwear! None of us even know each other we're just all partyin YaYY!!''
Another caller was shouting into the phone, "...We just crashed this party at this place, there's somebody in every room, drunk, partying, somebody taped up post its on the walls and we're playing darts golf around the house on the peoples' paneling ! We're spilling beer, nobody even cares!''
We had a full house at our place, it was about 2:30 in the afternoon and my buddy looked over at me and took a long puff on his cigarette, guitar on knee, as the girls cooked lunch, and says
"I ought to call him and say 'we're having a party just like those other guys! There he is, we're at the same PARTY!'' ...When he says ''tHAT'S CRAZY, WHERE IS IT?!' ...give HIS address!''
It was out of a movie that had been out awhile but the timing was so good it was well received at the time.
D.J. on the radio was taking call after call, from people, celebrating, having taken the day off, to party: every one, he'd ask, ''Where ARE you guys!?'' and the DJ was kinda just directing everyone around town to the various parties.
People were REPEATEDLY saying the parties were o.f.f thuh HooK.
''Hey, this chick, all she's got on is a football helmet and her underwear! None of us even know each other we're just all partyin YaYY!!''
Another caller was shouting into the phone, "...We just crashed this party at this place, there's somebody in every room, drunk, partying, somebody taped up post its on the walls and we're playing darts golf around the house on the peoples' paneling ! We're spilling beer, nobody even cares!''
We had a full house at our place, it was about 2:30 in the afternoon and my buddy looked over at me and took a long puff on his cigarette, guitar on knee, as the girls cooked lunch, and says
"I ought to call him and say 'we're having a party just like those other guys! There he is, we're at the same PARTY!'' ...When he says ''tHAT'S CRAZY, WHERE IS IT?!' ...give HIS address!''
It was out of a movie that had been out awhile but the timing was so good it was well received at the time.
Show of hands, who didn't see that coming?
Tell us MicroRoy, what decade was it the first time you heard that one? My money's on not this millennium.
good one
Your on a roll Micro. wish rob would roll on down the hill. People would think I was picking on him.
Before you read this poem by Baxter Black I need to define what a Rocky Mountain oyster is:
Rocky Mountain oysters are bull calf testicles used for human consumption. Sometimes pig or sheep testicles are used...
The Oyster
Baxter Black
The sign upon the café wall said OYSTERS: fifty cents.
"How quaint," the blue-eyed sweetheart said with some bewildermence,
"I didn't know they served such fare out here upon the plain."
"Oh, sure," her cowboy date replied, "We're really quite urbane."
"I would guess they're Chesapeake or Blue Point, don't you think?"
"No ma'am, they're mostly Hereford cross . . . and usually they're pink
But I've been cold, so cold myself, what you say could be true
And if a man looked close enough, their points could sure be blue!"
She said, "I gather them myself out on the bay alone.
I pluck them from the murky depths and smash them with a stone!"
The cowboy winced, imagining a calf with her beneath,
"Me, I use a pocket knife and yank ‘em with my teeth."
"Oh my," she said, "You're an animal! How crude and unrefined!
Your masculine assertiveness sends a shiver down my spine!
But I prefer a butcher knife too dull to really cut.
I wedge it in on either side and crack it like a nut!
I pry them out. If they resist, sometimes I use the pliers
Or even Grandpa's pruning shears if that's what it requires!"
The hair stood on the cowboy's neck. His stomach did a whirl.
He'd never heard such grisly talk, especially from a girl!
"I like them fresh," the sweetheart said and laid her menu down
Then ordered oysters for them both when the waiter came around.
The cowboy smiled gamely, though her words stuck in his craw
But he finally fainted dead away when she said, "I'll have mine raw!"
Rocky Mountain oysters are bull calf testicles used for human consumption. Sometimes pig or sheep testicles are used...
The Oyster
Baxter Black
The sign upon the café wall said OYSTERS: fifty cents.
"How quaint," the blue-eyed sweetheart said with some bewildermence,
"I didn't know they served such fare out here upon the plain."
"Oh, sure," her cowboy date replied, "We're really quite urbane."
"I would guess they're Chesapeake or Blue Point, don't you think?"
"No ma'am, they're mostly Hereford cross . . . and usually they're pink
But I've been cold, so cold myself, what you say could be true
And if a man looked close enough, their points could sure be blue!"
She said, "I gather them myself out on the bay alone.
I pluck them from the murky depths and smash them with a stone!"
The cowboy winced, imagining a calf with her beneath,
"Me, I use a pocket knife and yank ‘em with my teeth."
"Oh my," she said, "You're an animal! How crude and unrefined!
Your masculine assertiveness sends a shiver down my spine!
But I prefer a butcher knife too dull to really cut.
I wedge it in on either side and crack it like a nut!
I pry them out. If they resist, sometimes I use the pliers
Or even Grandpa's pruning shears if that's what it requires!"
The hair stood on the cowboy's neck. His stomach did a whirl.
He'd never heard such grisly talk, especially from a girl!
"I like them fresh," the sweetheart said and laid her menu down
Then ordered oysters for them both when the waiter came around.
The cowboy smiled gamely, though her words stuck in his craw
But he finally fainted dead away when she said, "I'll have mine raw!"
R
Robrites
Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"
Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"
Me: "Yes, as a matter of fact I am"
Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"
Me: "49"
Interviewer: "That's not even close"
Me: "Yeah, but it was fast"
Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"
Me: "Yes, as a matter of fact I am"
Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"
Me: "49"
Interviewer: "That's not even close"
Me: "Yeah, but it was fast"
a politician
