The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[Stoner4Life]

so good old Sven is making his way across the Harvard campus looking for the library, finally he decides to stop and ask another student "So where would the library be then?"

To which the snobbish student replied while looking down his nose at Sven, "At Harvard we do not end our sentences with prepositions!"

Sven though about it for a moment and said "Well, where would the library be then asshole......."

 

[trichrider]

A Police STOP at 2 A.M.




An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 in the morning
...and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about
alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body,
as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asks, "Really?
Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

 

[greenmatter]

Q.) why does the Avon lady walk funny?

A.) lipstick

 

[RudeDog]

Why does the Avon lady smile?

Because Max Factor.

 

[Luv a Grow]

They are building an open air mosque near me and i'm petrified!

I'm an obsessive compulsive leapfrogger you see and I don't know how long I will be able to resist the temptation!

 

[Hank Hemp]

sorry that went over my head but I do have a concussion.

 

[Stoner4Life]

it's just a play on words n' sounds Hank

Max Fact-Her..... get it?

 

[greenmatter]

hank is just a grumpy old grunt. chuckles don't do it for him anymore. minimum ante is a gut laugh ....... go big or stay home

 

[Hank Hemp]

Ok, all you dicks I still don't get it and greenmatter, GET OFF MY LAWN. the mosque joke. 12 people agree with me. Including my wife but she doesn't count. LOL oh yeah, stoner4 thanks for the pic.

 

[unspoken]

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.

Edit: Now I feel bad. When I was younger, my brother and I were walking home when we saw a dog get thrown out of a moving truck. We thought he was going to die, but we carried him home and called a vet. The vet needed to amputate all four of his legs, but after seven long months we nursed him back to health. And he was the sweetest dog you ever met. True story. We named him Cigarette and every day we would take him out for a drag

 

[RudeDog]

I'm with Hank on the mosque joke...Not a fucking clue why it is in this thread?

 

[Hank Hemp]

The RudeDog is one of 27 people who agree with me. Stoner thanks for the pic.

 

[Hank Hemp]

Sad

Sad

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.

Edit: Now I feel bad. When I was younger, my brother and I were walking home when we saw a dog get thrown out of a moving truck. We thought he was going to die, but we carried him home and called a vet. The vet needed to amputate all four of his legs, but after seven long months we nursed him back to health. And he was the sweetest dog you ever met. True story. We named him Cigarette and every day we would take him out for a drag

You'll smoke a turd in purgatory for that joke I'm afraid. Especially, how you save a no legged hound and know your sin. We'll pray for you. Stoner4 thanks for the pic.

 

[unspoken]

Hank, I didn't really save a no legged dog. That's just another part of the joke. Did rescue a pit though. Sweetest dog ever. To me. Will rip anyone else a new hole or 5. She's got 4 legs though. Purgatory huh? Could be better, could be worse I guess.

 

[Hank Hemp]

Put in a word for u

Put in a word for u

Hank, I didn't really save a no legged dog. That's just another part of the joke. Did rescue a pit though. Sweetest dog ever. To me. Will rip anyone else a new hole or 5. She's got 4 legs though. Purgatory huh? Could be better, could be worse I guess.

I'll talk to the Lord for you maybe that will help, He's never listened to me before. Thanks for the pic stoner4

 

[unspoken]

Tell him I said,

"If there is no whiskey and women, Lord
Behind them heavenly doors
I'm gonna take my chances down below
And of that you can be sure."
-Townes Van Zandt

 

[Hank Hemp]

If you weren't quoting my boy Towns I'd tell u 2 lite up another one. LOL RIP Mr. Van Zandt

 

[Harry Gypsna]

A man has an operation, to correct a severely bent Penis.
After the op, when he went back for the Doctor to check how it had healed, the Doctor asked.
"So, what did you think about the procedure, it's pretty straight forward isn't it."
And the man replied
"It is now!"

 

[Hank Hemp]

Work on that one Harry.

 

[Hank Hemp]

Ok a guy has a girl friend he wants to marry. Only problem is he has a bit of a stammer. She says get the stammer fixed and she would marry him. So the man goes to the doc who checks him out. The only thing he can find abnormal is the man's overly big dick. The doc says he can fix it just fine and the man said do it. The operation is a success and the man weds. Well about 2 weeks in his bride says you know the stammer wasn't that much of a problem and he should go see the doc about getting it put back to the orignal length. Man does back to the dr tells him the new problem to which the Dr. replies FFFFuck you buddy.