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The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

L

Luv a Grow

Member
Hey all, I posted this in the Unusual 1st date thread, thought would share it here 2.. Lol!

I met this beautiful chick in a bar, got 2 talking..
she told me that she was Bi..
smile.gif

started thinking of all the naughty fun we could have..
smile.gif

Invited her back 2 my place, she said yes!
smile.gif

Went 2 make coffee, came back she was smashing my place up!
I said " what you doing!" she said, i told you..
I'm Bi-polar!"
 
HighDesertJoe

HighDesertJoe

COME ON PEOPLE NOW
Veteran
DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT

Wanda's dishwasher was broken, so she called in a repairman.
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman,
'I'll leave the key under the mat.
Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check.

Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.


But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!



I MUST STRESS TO YOU:
DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen.

But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,

'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'

To which the parrot replied, 'Get him Spike!'
 
HighDesertJoe

HighDesertJoe

COME ON PEOPLE NOW
Veteran
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
 
Stoner4Life

Stoner4Life

Medicinal Advocate
ICMag Donor
Veteran
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall for the very first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again, people coming and going. They decided to make their way over there. Finally after making their way closer to the elevators the boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, an old lady wearing a red housecoat and in a wheel chair moved up to the silver wall and pressed a button. The wall opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room, the wall closed.

The boy and his father stood and watched, slowly the small numbers above the wall lit up sequentially. There was a pause while the numbers remained still, in silence they began to move again they watched until it stopped finally, with a whoosh the door slid open and a 25 yr old blonde in high heels and a slinky red dress briskly stepped from the elevator. The father , not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son......."Boy, go get your mother"


 
trichrider

trichrider

Kiss My Ring
✓
Veteran
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lie.

He decides to test it out on his son at supper table.

Father asked the son, "Where were you last night?"

Son replies, "I was at the library."

The robot slaps the son.

"OK! I was at a friend's house, watching a movie!" the son says.

"What movie?" the father says.

"Toy story."

Robot slaps the son.

"OK. it was porn," cried the son.

Father yells, "What? When I was your age, I did not know what porn was."

Robot slaps the father.

The mother laughs and says , "He certainly is your son."

Robot slaps the mother.
 
G

guest3871

Q) What do the Aboriginies call a Boomerang that doesn't come back?

A) A stick
 
S

slimpickin

New member
Thought this be the best post this hope it gets out there.Do to med probs I am breaking security to post this haha scerd all these years.This is more a thank you to all you big posters you know who u r.Thank you for having the patience to teach and repeat to those that have no patience. But before I go and thank all of those that have helped and pasted in person I want to tell all the new folks know every thing you really know has already has been posted.What you need to do is take the time to read if u love these plants.Any ways THANK YOU SO MUCH PEOPLE for the years of info and links. :thank you:
 
Hank Hemp

Hank Hemp

Active member
Veteran
You see Stoner4

You see Stoner4

Would the joke be funny if it were a non white ethnic groups like the irish, italians or poles? I think not, sir. :joint: sorry stoned and bored again.
 
Harry Gypsna

Harry Gypsna

Dirty hippy Bastard
Veteran
Not so much a joke, but an older guy I hung around with in my teens used to say this to any new(male) faces in our circle.
"If you woke up in a field in the middle of nowhere, with your pants round your ankles, a used condom on the floor between your legs, and a stinging sensation in your arse-would you tell anybody.
Invariably, the answer would be NO,
to which my friend would respond.
"So, do you fancy coming for a drink at the weekend"....
LOL
 
Stoner4Life

Stoner4Life

Medicinal Advocate
ICMag Donor
Veteran


what happens when you play a country music song backwards?

the shit kicker doesn't lose his job, his girl don't leave him and his dog comes back to life.......
 
Harry Gypsna

Harry Gypsna

Dirty hippy Bastard
Veteran
A burglar breaks into a house, and while he walks around collecting valuables, he hears a voice, which says "Jesus is watching you".
He looks around, sees nobody, and continues loading things into his bag. Again he hears "Jesus is watching you", and again he looks around, but seeing nobody-he keeps going.
For a third time, he hears "Jesus is watching you", by now he is freaking out, and he risks turning the lights on, at which point he sees a parrot in a cage, which says "Jesus is watching you".
Now, the burglar is intensely relieved at this, and strikes up a conversation with the parrot, he asks the parrot his name, "Christopher" says the parrot.
The burglar replies "Christopher is a ridiculous name for a parrot"
and the parrot says
"Jesus is a ridiculous name for a Rottweiller"



Police are warning about a new batch of Heroin, cut with curry powder. So far 5 men have died and 3 are in a Korma


A man sitting in the doctors waiting room, strikes up a conversation with the man sitting beside him "Whats wrong with you" he asked,
"I've got a green ring around my cock" was the reply.
What a coincidence, I've got a red ring around my cock"
The Dr called for the next patient, and green ring man enters the Drs room, only to run out screaming within 30 seconds, running to the nearest window and jumping to his death.
Red ring man is now sweating, the DR calls for the next patient, and in he goes.
"Now, what seems to be the problem" asks the doc,
"Well doc, I've got a red ring around my penis " he replied somewhat nervously.
"Lets have a look then" says the doctor. After a quick glance, the doctor smiles at the man and tells him not to worry. "Go home and have a nice hot bath, wash the affected area well and it will be fine"
The man is surprised and he says-"But the man before me-he had a ring around his penis, and whatever you said to him caused him to kill himself-why was that?"
And the Dr replied "Simple sir, Lipstick washes off, but Gangrene we cant do anything about"
 
Last edited:
Hank Hemp

Hank Hemp

Active member
Veteran
Just a minute here

Just a minute here

Stoner4Life said:


what happens when you play a country music song backwards?

the shit kicker doesn't lose his job, his girl don't leave him and his dog comes back to life.......
Click to expand...

Do that cum stains dry up from the pillow before you get home?
 
Hank Hemp

Hank Hemp

Active member
Veteran
She cries?

She cries?

Jaymer said:
i asked my od friend how does he like to get in touch with nature, i always get ticks on my bawls
Click to expand...

Get your gal friend to look for "ticks". You do the same great way to get them out of their draws, you know. Hell it always works for them with me but I've been told I'm easy.
 
trichrider

trichrider

Kiss My Ring
✓
Veteran
Beware of the most recent E-Bay Scam!

If you buy stuff on line, check out the seller carefully.
Be careful what you purchase on eBay.

I spent £50 on a penis enlarger.
Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.

Instructions said, "Do not use in the sunlight"
 
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