**Coffee exits nose...
What would happen if I cut off your Ears ?
He said I would go Blind
Why would you Go blind ???
My hat will cover my Eyes
He said I would go Blind
Why would you Go blind ???
My hat will cover my Eyes
Do you know why nobody ever makes snow-women?
Because no one wants to take the time to hollow out the head.
Because no one wants to take the time to hollow out the head.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
A Mega-sore-ass
.
A Mega-sore-ass
.
HerbChambers
Active member
What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea?
No one pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face.
No one pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face.
Snook
Still Learning
THE GLOBAL RECESSION
The recession has hit everybody really hard.
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 US Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
The recession has hit everybody really hard.
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 US Congressmen.
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
I finally figured out why people call a bud a nug, no unhappy guests.
Things have gotten so bad the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off...
Things have gotten so bad the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off...
Snook
Still Learning
Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.
As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world" "I am entering" said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how did you do?""First Place" said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world." "I'm entering" says Superman.
After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" “First Place" answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world? Pinocchio says "This is mine."
Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked
"Who the hell is Adam Schiff?"
As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world" "I am entering" said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how did you do?""First Place" said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world." "I'm entering" says Superman.
After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" “First Place" answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world? Pinocchio says "This is mine."
Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked
"Who the hell is Adam Schiff?"
I was going to do a lice joke but I couldn’t think of one off the top of my head
Snook
Still Learning
[FONT="]Dating in 1960. You need to be able to remember the era to appreciate this…[/FONT]
[FONT="]It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Jeff had a date with Penny.[/FONT]
[FONT="]He arrived at her house and rang the bell.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Oh, come on in! Penny's mother said as she welcomed Jeff in.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"So, what are you and Penny planning to do tonight?" she asked. "Oh, probably go dancing,
[/FONT]
[FONT="]and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk along the Cherry Creek..."[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Penny likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Is that so?" asked Jeff, incredulous.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Yes," said the mother. [/FONT]
[FONT="]"As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Well, thanks for the tip," Jeff said as he began thinking about alternate[/FONT] [FONT="] plans for the evening.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Have fun, kids", the mother said as they left.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Penny burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.[/FONT]
[FONT="]It's “The TWIST ” , Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"THE DAMN DANCE IS CALLED THE TWIST!"[/FONT]
[FONT="]It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Jeff had a date with Penny.[/FONT]
[FONT="]He arrived at her house and rang the bell.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Oh, come on in! Penny's mother said as she welcomed Jeff in.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"So, what are you and Penny planning to do tonight?" she asked. "Oh, probably go dancing,
[/FONT]
[FONT="]and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk along the Cherry Creek..."[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Penny likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Is that so?" asked Jeff, incredulous.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Yes," said the mother. [/FONT]
[FONT="]"As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Well, thanks for the tip," Jeff said as he began thinking about alternate[/FONT] [FONT="] plans for the evening.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Have fun, kids", the mother said as they left.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Penny burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.[/FONT]
[FONT="]It's “The TWIST ” , Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother.[/FONT]
[FONT="]"THE DAMN DANCE IS CALLED THE TWIST!"[/FONT]
thats a copy of a joke i personally made ..
what do u get if u eat dinosaur curry ?
a mega sore arse
M
moose eater
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The rabbit says, "I'm probably a typo.."
**Apologies in advance...
**Apologies in advance...
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
You need to understand that everything you do at the Virus Convention conveys information.
You can't be,like,all loosey goosey
having a sandwich,
you know,on your phone.
WOOHOO baby! I love it!
You can't be,like,all loosey goosey
having a sandwich,
you know,on your phone.
WOOHOO baby! I love it!
