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Gracias amigo!
I don't know if the joke makes much sense in English because it's a translated saying.
Anyway:
Do you know why cannibals favour politicians for their BBQ?
Because they're easier to gut... they have no heart and no spine.
Anyway:
Do you know why cannibals favour politicians for their BBQ?
Because they're easier to gut... they have no heart and no spine.
And I thought that the Mexicans don't use condoms so they can export the 'overproduction' to the States where they work as clandestinos in the factories which recycle plastic, egg shells, and orange peels...
H
HaHaHashish
but the downside is they are full of crap and impossible to clean
H
HaHaHashish
Not a joke, but a funny saying that is even more appropriate today then it was decades ago.
"Any person who aspires to be elected should be immediately disqualified from running"
"Any person who aspires to be elected should be immediately disqualified from running"
LoL!
That's why I'm against preservation areas for natives! Give them electricity so they can start using ironing presses and make the world a better place
.
R
Robrites
An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .
An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin’!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there’s lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!
At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there’s no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don’t get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are dead because we’ve been on a ’route march’ - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin’ - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a possum’s bum and it don’t move and it’s not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target! You don’t even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don’t have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!
Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it’s not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I’m not a bad boxer either and it looks like I’m the best the platoon’s got, and I’ve only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he’s 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I’m only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin’ wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.
I can’t complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how good it is.
Your loving daughter,
Sheila
An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin’!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there’s lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!
At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there’s no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don’t get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are dead because we’ve been on a ’route march’ - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin’ - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a possum’s bum and it don’t move and it’s not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target! You don’t even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don’t have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!
Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it’s not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I’m not a bad boxer either and it looks like I’m the best the platoon’s got, and I’ve only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he’s 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I’m only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin’ wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.
I can’t complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how good it is.
Your loving daughter,
Sheila
A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00
He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
"I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"
The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."
"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.
"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.
The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?
His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet from hot sand in the desert."
"So tell me then," added the boy.
"Yes, my son?"
"Why are you living in Dearborn Michigan, and still wearing all this $hit?
The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun."
"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.
"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.
The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?
His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet from hot sand in the desert."
"So tell me then," added the boy.
"Yes, my son?"
"Why are you living in Dearborn Michigan, and still wearing all this $hit?
OkieSmokie
Member
3rd grade classroom...
3rd grade classroom...
Teacher: Good morning class, today we are going to discuss Raw Materials. I would like each of you to tell me about your favorite raw material and why you like it so much.
Billy: My favorite raw material is Gold. I like gold because its worth a lot of money and i could buy a Corvette.
Sarah: My favorite material is Platinum! Its worth even more than gold and i could buy a Porche!
Little Johnny: My favorite is Silicone.
Teacher: SIlicone? Why do you want silicone Little Johnny?
Little Johnny: Well, my mom has 2 bags of it and you should see all the cars lined up at my house!
3rd grade classroom...
Teacher: Good morning class, today we are going to discuss Raw Materials. I would like each of you to tell me about your favorite raw material and why you like it so much.
Billy: My favorite raw material is Gold. I like gold because its worth a lot of money and i could buy a Corvette.
Sarah: My favorite material is Platinum! Its worth even more than gold and i could buy a Porche!
Little Johnny: My favorite is Silicone.
Teacher: SIlicone? Why do you want silicone Little Johnny?
Little Johnny: Well, my mom has 2 bags of it and you should see all the cars lined up at my house!
Another one for Hank
Another one for Hank
President Trump was down at the Mexican border for an inspection and photo-op. He was at one of the locations where there was no fence...nothing, just dirt and sage brush.
He was making a big deal of this for the media cameras, when on the southern side appeared AMLO, the president of Mexico, doing his own show and tell for the Mexican press. Trump was still seething a little after the last knock down he had suffered from AMLO over the chewing gum joke.
Sitting on the ground by a bush was an unopened bottle of coca-cola. Both men reached for it, knocking knuckles. To resolve who should get the cola, AMLO suggested who ever could tolerate the most kicks in the balls would get the coke.
Trump saw his chance to show the Mexican up and prove how tough he was. He said okay; 'you go first'. AMLO backed up and swung his foot up squarely into Trump's testicles. Trump grimaced but kept his tough face. He said; 'is that all you got?' This was followed by an even more wound up boot right to the gonads.
Trump turned a little white and let out a bit of a gasp but amazingly still held it together. Relishing the idea of the revenge he would get with his turn as kicker, he told AMLO; 'go ahead, I can take lots more than that' In reply AMLO took a running kick from several paces away, once again planting his boot in Trump's crotch. Trump reeled in pain, lurching forward and vomiting.
It took him a few minutes to recover but was ready to dole out the punishment. He said; 'okay AMLO get ready. Now it's my turn.'
AMLO replied 'Actually, I'm running late for a meeting. You go ahead and enjoy that cola.'
Another one for Hank
President Trump was down at the Mexican border for an inspection and photo-op. He was at one of the locations where there was no fence...nothing, just dirt and sage brush.
He was making a big deal of this for the media cameras, when on the southern side appeared AMLO, the president of Mexico, doing his own show and tell for the Mexican press. Trump was still seething a little after the last knock down he had suffered from AMLO over the chewing gum joke.
Sitting on the ground by a bush was an unopened bottle of coca-cola. Both men reached for it, knocking knuckles. To resolve who should get the cola, AMLO suggested who ever could tolerate the most kicks in the balls would get the coke.
Trump saw his chance to show the Mexican up and prove how tough he was. He said okay; 'you go first'. AMLO backed up and swung his foot up squarely into Trump's testicles. Trump grimaced but kept his tough face. He said; 'is that all you got?' This was followed by an even more wound up boot right to the gonads.
Trump turned a little white and let out a bit of a gasp but amazingly still held it together. Relishing the idea of the revenge he would get with his turn as kicker, he told AMLO; 'go ahead, I can take lots more than that' In reply AMLO took a running kick from several paces away, once again planting his boot in Trump's crotch. Trump reeled in pain, lurching forward and vomiting.
It took him a few minutes to recover but was ready to dole out the punishment. He said; 'okay AMLO get ready. Now it's my turn.'
AMLO replied 'Actually, I'm running late for a meeting. You go ahead and enjoy that cola.'
A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
The girl replied, in a loud voice "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!” All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man’s table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking; I bet you felt embarrassed, right?”
The man responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ..... I`M NOT PAYING YOU THAT MUCH!”
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The man whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".
Lrus007
The girl replied, in a loud voice "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!” All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man’s table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking; I bet you felt embarrassed, right?”
The man responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ..... I`M NOT PAYING YOU THAT MUCH!”
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The man whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people".
Lrus007
H
HaHaHashish
Jesus H Christ
Is Jesus' middle name really just the letter H? ..I've always wanted to know.
Is Jesus' middle name really just the letter H? ..I've always wanted to know.
