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That's some tough shit..
That's some tough shit..
I gotta stop feeding the dog, Refrieds
That's some tough shit..
I gotta stop feeding the dog, Refrieds
Ja...Ja
R
Robrites
On a bus one day.....
On a bus one day.....
.....a man was sitting next to a woman who was trying to breast-feed her child. The child however refuses to suck on the breast.
Being frustrated, the mother threatens the child, "If you don't suck on, I will give it to the man next to us!" The child still refuses to oblige. After about 10 minutes of failed effort to get her child to breastfeed, the woman threatens her child again.
Finally the man clears his throat and says, "Look here woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off 6 stops ago!"
On a bus one day.....
.....a man was sitting next to a woman who was trying to breast-feed her child. The child however refuses to suck on the breast.
Being frustrated, the mother threatens the child, "If you don't suck on, I will give it to the man next to us!" The child still refuses to oblige. After about 10 minutes of failed effort to get her child to breastfeed, the woman threatens her child again.
Finally the man clears his throat and says, "Look here woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off 6 stops ago!"
McFreedom
Member
An 86 year-old man is out fishing. He was sitting in his boat when he heard a voice say,
"Pick me up!"
He looked around and did not see any one. He thought he was dreaming until he heard the voice again.
"Pick me up." The old man looked in the water and there, floating on a lilly pad was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog replied, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have
ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a minute in confusion, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog screamed, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride!"
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
"Pick me up!"
He looked around and did not see any one. He thought he was dreaming until he heard the voice again.
"Pick me up." The old man looked in the water and there, floating on a lilly pad was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog replied, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have
ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."
The man looked at the frog for a minute in confusion, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog screamed, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride!"
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
R
Robrites
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parent's. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parent's. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
H
Huckster79
At least daddy knows he wraps it
Snook
Still Learning
I CANT BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS
I CANT BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS
Al gore was right!
http://www.ourlighterside.com/2016/09/14/al-gore-correct/
I CANT BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS
Al gore was right!
http://www.ourlighterside.com/2016/09/14/al-gore-correct/
A woman stood in court accused of assaulting her husband with a couple of his guitars, the judge asked, "First time offender?" To which the woman replied, "No, first time was a Gibson, second was the Fender."
R
Robrites
I'm having a lot of difficulty with knitting
I'm having a lot of difficulty with knitting
Oops, wrong thread.
I'm having a lot of difficulty with knitting
Oops, wrong thread.
Q. What does Bill Clinton say after sex?
A. Hillary, I'm home!!
A. Hillary, I'm home!!
''I blew a great trannie'' means something completely different, to your auto mechanic.
Wife, coy and oozing pride: ''Look, see that drunk guy?''
Hubby: Yeah...
Wife: ''He proposed to me ten years ago... and I turned him down.''
Hubby: ''He's STILL celebrating?''
A kid was in school, feeling like he was kind of... ahead of the learning curve, so he was milking it, letting it be seen he was thinking way, too important shit to pay attention.
The lesson was on grammar, and it rolled around to nouns, and types of nouns, and shortly we all arrived at the point where we discussed compound nouns: which, as everyone knows, are when two words, are fused, such that a new word is formed.
Johnny was staring around when the teacher said 'Johnny!' ''UhYES ma'AM!?'' says Johnny. ''Give us a compound word you know of.''
Johnny stared out the window at the parking lot desperate to not get humiliated. He had it. Eureka! ''Uh- uh... ASPHALT!''
-------
Outside of a dog, I suppose a book must be, a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
Wife, coy and oozing pride: ''Look, see that drunk guy?''
Hubby: Yeah...
Wife: ''He proposed to me ten years ago... and I turned him down.''
Hubby: ''He's STILL celebrating?''
A kid was in school, feeling like he was kind of... ahead of the learning curve, so he was milking it, letting it be seen he was thinking way, too important shit to pay attention.
The lesson was on grammar, and it rolled around to nouns, and types of nouns, and shortly we all arrived at the point where we discussed compound nouns: which, as everyone knows, are when two words, are fused, such that a new word is formed.
Johnny was staring around when the teacher said 'Johnny!' ''UhYES ma'AM!?'' says Johnny. ''Give us a compound word you know of.''
Johnny stared out the window at the parking lot desperate to not get humiliated. He had it. Eureka! ''Uh- uh... ASPHALT!''
-------
Outside of a dog, I suppose a book must be, a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
R
Robrites
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
“Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00”
He checks his wallet and says to the sexy bartender:
“Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” he asks.
“Yes,” she purrs. “I am.”
“Well, wash your frickin’ hands,” says the man. “I want a cheese sandwich!”
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign...
A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
“Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00”
He checks his wallet and says to the sexy bartender:
“Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” he asks.
“Yes,” she purrs. “I am.”
“Well, wash your frickin’ hands,” says the man. “I want a cheese sandwich!”
Stoner please let me explain for the young folk here, fender and Gibson are make of guitars, also that was a pretty good joke. Thank you Stoner. Robs I've heard that joke in 12 different forms. Keep trying maybe you'll be the person who finds the funny form, but I doubt it. It's the joke not you. Maybe.
I expected better from you Bud.
I've told that joke from Maine to SE Asia. I'm glad you liked it and gave me the complement funny guy at least I hope it was funny guy and not funny gay. I don't hear so well.
..... still on the wagon Hank????
I got one of those universal remote controls. I thought to myself, "This changes everything!"
