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H
Huckster79
Well I said "shouldnt" not "dont" for a Reason! Lol
I'm on a rum diet. So far I've lost 3 days.
R
Robrites
My girlfriend texted me "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucome overandgivemeanalternative"
My girlfriend texted me "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucome overandgivemeanalternative"
Anybody know what "ternative" means?
My girlfriend texted me "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucome overandgivemeanalternative"
Anybody know what "ternative" means?
H
Huckster79
It means on the double fast before she changes her mind!
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Robrites
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...
...so I got drunk.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...
...so I got drunk.
R
Robrites
80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.
80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
THE PRESIDENT, THE POPE, THE BOY SCOUT, AND HILLARY ARE ON AN AIRPLANE TOGETHER: The plane is about to crash when they realize there are only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger, President Obama said “I am the president of the United States, as much as it will haunt me for the rest of my life, I must insist I take a parachute. I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people and the strongest military in the world.” The others agree and the president grabs a bag and jumps out.
The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said “I am the future first female President of the United States, and I am the smartest woman in the world. I will be everything Obama was not and in that manner set a new path for all women in this world. I demand that I take one of the parachutes.” The boy scout hands her a bag and she jumps out.
The third passenger, the Pope, says to the fourth passenger, a 10-year old boy scout “I am old and frail and I don’t have many years left, so as a Christian gesture and good deed, I will sacrifice my life and let you take the last parachute.”
The boy scout said “It’s okay!"
"No, my dear boy. I must insist. I made my peace with God many, many years ago," explains the Pope. "Dying will be like going home for me."
"No, really it's okay," says the boy.
"My son, how can you be so fearless in the face of death? You are but a young boy," asks the Pope.
The boy scout holds up two bags. "There's two parachutes left. I gave that annoying bitch my backpack."
The first passenger, President Obama said “I am the president of the United States, as much as it will haunt me for the rest of my life, I must insist I take a parachute. I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people and the strongest military in the world.” The others agree and the president grabs a bag and jumps out.
The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said “I am the future first female President of the United States, and I am the smartest woman in the world. I will be everything Obama was not and in that manner set a new path for all women in this world. I demand that I take one of the parachutes.” The boy scout hands her a bag and she jumps out.
The third passenger, the Pope, says to the fourth passenger, a 10-year old boy scout “I am old and frail and I don’t have many years left, so as a Christian gesture and good deed, I will sacrifice my life and let you take the last parachute.”
The boy scout said “It’s okay!"
"No, my dear boy. I must insist. I made my peace with God many, many years ago," explains the Pope. "Dying will be like going home for me."
"No, really it's okay," says the boy.
"My son, how can you be so fearless in the face of death? You are but a young boy," asks the Pope.
The boy scout holds up two bags. "There's two parachutes left. I gave that annoying bitch my backpack."
After a speech to American Indians, Senator Hillary Clinton was given an
Indian name, “Walking Eagle.” When asked the names significance, a
tribe elder said the name applies to a bird that is so full of crap that
it cannot fly!
Indian name, “Walking Eagle.” When asked the names significance, a
tribe elder said the name applies to a bird that is so full of crap that
it cannot fly!
This is old and dated but it still brings a smile every time I think about it.
President Clinton is returning from a trip to Arkansas. The helicopter lands on the White House lawn and Bill comes down the steps carrying a razorback piglet under each arm.
The Marine greeting him salutes and says…“Welcome home and nice pigs, sir.”
Bill replies…“Thank you and yeah, I got one for Hilary and one for Chelsea.”
To that the Marine replies…”Nice trade, sir.”
President Clinton is returning from a trip to Arkansas. The helicopter lands on the White House lawn and Bill comes down the steps carrying a razorback piglet under each arm.
The Marine greeting him salutes and says…“Welcome home and nice pigs, sir.”
Bill replies…“Thank you and yeah, I got one for Hilary and one for Chelsea.”
To that the Marine replies…”Nice trade, sir.”
R
Robrites
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man.
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man.
C
chris harris
opps, wrong thread
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.... how can we tell Hank's still outa pot????
Saddest JOKE ever!!!
Snook
Still Learning
put a funny one up funny guy.
Are you feeling a little guilty Snook?
A boy with a stutter wanted to marry his girl. She wanted him checked to se if his stutter could be fixed first. So the poor boy goes to the doc. and he can't find and a thing but his very over sized dick. Well the doc. offers to cut it down to size for him and does. The stutter disappears. As women are she tells in a couple month of being wed, she tells him she didn't mind the stutter so bad and could he have it reattached. Well he tells the old doc if he could have it put back on. The doc looked at him and said FFFFuuCCK you BBUUDDy.
A boy with a stutter wanted to marry his girl. She wanted him checked to se if his stutter could be fixed first. So the poor boy goes to the doc. and he can't find and a thing but his very over sized dick. Well the doc. offers to cut it down to size for him and does. The stutter disappears. As women are she tells in a couple month of being wed, she tells him she didn't mind the stutter so bad and could he have it reattached. Well he tells the old doc if he could have it put back on. The doc looked at him and said FFFFuuCCK you BBUUDDy.
