The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[Betterhaff]

You have to love blonde jokes, especially dumb ones...

A blonde and brunette were talking and the brunette says, " Yesterday during the blackout I got stuck in an elevator for 3 hours!"

The blonde retorts, "That's nothing, I got stuck on an escalator!"

rimshot

 

[armedoldhippy]

God is in his kitchen, poking at something in a skillet on his stove. one of his angels wanders in, and asks "whatcha cooking, Lord?" God chortles & says "Arizona..."

 

[Midnite Toker]

A blonde is camping at a lake. She sees another blonde across the lake and hollers out "Hey! How do you get to the other side?" The second blonde yells "Duh! You are on the other side!"

 

[zekonha]

A blonde is camping at a lake. She sees another blonde across the lake and hollers out "Hey! How do you get to the other side?" The second blonde yells "Duh! You are on the other side!"

hahahahahahaha

 

[Betterhaff]

"Duh! You are on the other side!"

Love it.., toe heads as I recall.

 

[Weezard]

Love it.., toe heads as I recall.

Toe heads is better than Juan -- D. Trump

 

[Midnite Toker]

4 Blondes run into a bar yelling "85 Days! 85 Days!" A guy asks what's 85 days? They say they completed a puzzle in 85 days when the box said "2 to 4 years"!

 

[kaochiu]

Three smashing blondes talking about misunderstandings with their very old husbands:
1st blonde. - I've told Rod I've sometimes missed Australia and he took me in his helicopter to a restaurant by the sea because he understood I wanted oysters!
2nd blonde.- Ha, that's nice, but wait to hear this: I've told Hugh after dinner that the champagne made me tipsy as hell, and he sent a plane to bring a flamenco group of real gypsies from Seville!
3rd blonde.- Really girls, that's nothing. I've told Donald I wanted a chihuahua and he invaded Mexico!

 

[KGB47]

A criminal, a pathological liar and a 1%er walk into a bar and the bartender asks: What'll it be Mrs. Clinton?

 

[nukklehead]

what did cinderella do when she got to the ball?? Gagged!

 

[Betterhaff]

Toe heads is better than Juan -- D. Trump

There's a jai alai joke in there...maybe some time.

 

[Robrites]

I was offered Sex Today

I was offered Sex Today

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

 

[Microbeman]

What did the organic no-till grower say to the conventional grower?

Chill out, take it easy dude. You have too many ions in the fire!

 

[hup234]

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

I'm stealing your joke R

 

[corky1968]

The Farmer and the Skinny Dipping Girls

The Farmer and the Skinny Dipping Girls

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

Some old men can still think fast.

 

[MicroRoy]

 

[Snook]

On the campaign trail

On the campaign trail

Donald and Hillary Go Into A Bakery on the Campaign Trail.
As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.


She says to Donald, "See how clever I am?
The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie."
I will definitely win the election.


The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit.
I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."


Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."


Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry.
Trump swallows it and asks for another one.
The owner gives him another one.
Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.


The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"


Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket"...

 

[Snook]

I heard 2 jokes today, this is the other:


What do you call imitation spaghetti?
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
IMPASTA


You can remember it AND tell anyone, even the kids!

 

[Midnite Toker]

a sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?” The operator said, “I can, what’s the name and room number?”
The old lady in her weak voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”
The operator replied, “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.”
After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, “Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.”
The old lady said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!”
The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”
The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit.”

 

[Huckster79]

I heard 2 jokes today, this is the other:




You can remember it AND tell anyone, even the kids!

I preferror jokes I shouldn't tell the kids lol