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The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

CHRONICMAN

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Veteran

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MicroRoy

Active member
Thats all I needed!!!I
just got home from work to exercise my back, to find four police officers in my house looking for something like lunatics.Even through underwear,which was rather embarrassing.they checked under the a/c and inside my mattress,tearing it apart...
When I asked if they had a search warrant they answered completely hysterically : "Where did you hide it??? We know its here somewhere!!!"
A thousand possibilities ran through our minds... but I let them search for whatever it was they were looking for...Approximately thirty minutes later I watched one of the officers look at his cell then he shouted "Stop ! We are in the wrong house!!! POKEMON is next door!!!"
 
R

Robrites

Me Tarzan, you Jane...

Me Tarzan, you Jane...

When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex.

"Tarzan not know sex." he replied.

Jane explained to him what it was.

Tarzan said, "Ohhh...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground.

"Here." she said, pointing to her privates, "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her right in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually, she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?!"

Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."
 
R

Robrites

A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.

A wife hangs up after about a half-hour on the phone.

The husband is surprised, "Wow, that was quick - usually you women are at it for two hours at least!"

wife - "Yeah, well, it was a wrong number."
 

Bud Green

I dig dirt
Veteran
:laughing: So, was she a BLOND, guess it goes without saying!!!! :biggrin::laughing:



A blonde and a brunette are on the elevator, going to the top floor of their office building.
Elevator stops at the next floor and a businessman gets on, then turns around to face the door, with his back to the two women..
He gets off at the next floor and the women continue going up..
The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "That poor guy really has bad dandruff, it was all over his suit. He could really use some "Head and Shoulders."
The blonde turns to her friend and says, "He is a nice looking guy, and I'd like to help him out, but how do you give "Shoulders"?
 
R

Robrites

Blond guy gets home from work early...

Blond guy gets home from work early...

Hears his wife screaming, coming from their bedroom upstairs. He sprints up, and opens the door to see his wife laying naked on their bed, sweating and panting.

"Honey! Help! I'm having a heart attack!"

He runs back down the stairs and starts dialing the ambulance, when his son and daughter tell him:

"Dad! Uncle Terry's upstairs! And he's naked!"

He slams down the phone, sprints back up the stairs, runs past his wife and opens the wardrobe. Sure enough, there was his brother crouching in the corner naked.

"WHAT THE HELL TERRY! My wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"
 

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