9
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A man is having an affair with his secretary.
One evening after having a romp at her house they both fell asleep and awoke later in the evening.
The woman was very worried that their secret would be found out due to the man's getting home late.
While quickly getting dressed the guy told her to take his shoes and rub some dirt and grass on them.
When he got home his wife asked where he he had been and why he was so late.
" I've been screwing my secretary and tonight I fell asleep in her bed after we had a good session."
She looked at him and then looked at his shoes... " You goddamn liar. You've been out playing golf !".
One evening after having a romp at her house they both fell asleep and awoke later in the evening.
The woman was very worried that their secret would be found out due to the man's getting home late.
While quickly getting dressed the guy told her to take his shoes and rub some dirt and grass on them.
When he got home his wife asked where he he had been and why he was so late.
" I've been screwing my secretary and tonight I fell asleep in her bed after we had a good session."
She looked at him and then looked at his shoes... " You goddamn liar. You've been out playing golf !".
R
Robrites
An elderly couple are at the movies...
An elderly couple are at the movies...
About halfway through the film, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'You should put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
An elderly couple are at the movies...
About halfway through the film, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'You should put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
9
99%
Sex on the Beach...a true story
I took a first date to a "Tiki Bar"
The big pull to this place was a sign that said " Happy Hour : order two Sex on the Beach cocktails for only $10"
So we sat down and ordered two "Sex on the Beach" cocktails,
Chuckle, chuckles all round.
The barman asked "Do you want to just have the standard", then leans in towards her, gives her tits a long look and says "or the Deluxe version?
"Ooooh" she giggled, "I'll have the Deee-luxe!"
Deadpan, I asked "what's the difference?"
He said "That's a secret, but it's the same price" and winked at us, well, actually he winked at her and gave her one of those "I'd really like to get to know you better" leery smiles, which was totally over the top and well out of line..really!...so I gave him one of those smiles that said "I'm a nutter and you're living dangerously dickhead but I'm on a first date so I'll let it pass just this once"
She says "Sounds good" as she looks at me and I smile and nod, she said to the barman "Deluxe x two it is thanks"
Then there's more giggles from her and chuckles from me.
So the barman proceeds to make the drinks we're watching him and it just seems like he made the stock standard Sex on the beach drinks..I don't know how to make a S.o.t.b., but I was expecting an extra big umbrella or something...anyway, about 3 seconds after we chink glasses the barman sneaks around behind her and pours a handful of beach sand down her ass crack of her jeans......and before I could react a barmaid sticks her fingers in between my belt and stomach, pulls it out and tips some sand on my cock and balls.
Then all of a sudden and before I could react, the lights come on, every one there, and the place was packed, stands up and erupts in applause and laughter, the barman walks over smiling, offers a hug to the date, everyone is patting our backs, smiles all round, there's a camera crew there and what do I immediately do next?
a) I grab the barmen by his throat and punch him as hard as I could with a right cross to the nose.
b) I laugh it off, go to the bathroom to gets de-gritted, come back to the bar and drinks are on the house all night, I make jokes about "against the grain" and we sign a form that lets this TV show the world what a pair of good spirited wankers were are
What do you think happened?
I took a first date to a "Tiki Bar"
The big pull to this place was a sign that said " Happy Hour : order two Sex on the Beach cocktails for only $10"
So we sat down and ordered two "Sex on the Beach" cocktails,
Chuckle, chuckles all round.
The barman asked "Do you want to just have the standard", then leans in towards her, gives her tits a long look and says "or the Deluxe version?
"Ooooh" she giggled, "I'll have the Deee-luxe!"
Deadpan, I asked "what's the difference?"
He said "That's a secret, but it's the same price" and winked at us, well, actually he winked at her and gave her one of those "I'd really like to get to know you better" leery smiles, which was totally over the top and well out of line..really!...so I gave him one of those smiles that said "I'm a nutter and you're living dangerously dickhead but I'm on a first date so I'll let it pass just this once"
She says "Sounds good" as she looks at me and I smile and nod, she said to the barman "Deluxe x two it is thanks"
Then there's more giggles from her and chuckles from me.
So the barman proceeds to make the drinks we're watching him and it just seems like he made the stock standard Sex on the beach drinks..I don't know how to make a S.o.t.b., but I was expecting an extra big umbrella or something...anyway, about 3 seconds after we chink glasses the barman sneaks around behind her and pours a handful of beach sand down her ass crack of her jeans......and before I could react a barmaid sticks her fingers in between my belt and stomach, pulls it out and tips some sand on my cock and balls.
Then all of a sudden and before I could react, the lights come on, every one there, and the place was packed, stands up and erupts in applause and laughter, the barman walks over smiling, offers a hug to the date, everyone is patting our backs, smiles all round, there's a camera crew there and what do I immediately do next?
a) I grab the barmen by his throat and punch him as hard as I could with a right cross to the nose.
b) I laugh it off, go to the bathroom to gets de-gritted, come back to the bar and drinks are on the house all night, I make jokes about "against the grain" and we sign a form that lets this TV show the world what a pair of good spirited wankers were are
What do you think happened?
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And I thought that was what Christ said before they put 'em up there... *g*
Dude! Too soon.
N
noyd666
A SCOTSMAN AND HIS WIFE WALKED PAST A SWANKY NEW RESTAURANT
''DID YOU SMELL THAT FOOD? SHE ASKED.IT SMELLS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!''
BEING A 'KIND HEARTED SCOTSMAN', HE THOUGHT
''WHAT THE HELL...I'LLTREAT HER!''
SO, THEY WALKED PAST IT AGAIN.
''DID YOU SMELL THAT FOOD? SHE ASKED.IT SMELLS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!''
BEING A 'KIND HEARTED SCOTSMAN', HE THOUGHT
''WHAT THE HELL...I'LLTREAT HER!''
SO, THEY WALKED PAST IT AGAIN.
R
Robrites
Excuse me sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?
Excuse me sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?
A cop waited outside a popular pub hoping to nab a drink-driver.
At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry.
The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk.
He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes looking for his car.
After trying his keys on five others, he finally found his own vehicle.
He sat in the car a good 10 minutes as the other pub patrons left.
He turned his lights on, then off.
He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.
Finally, when his was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.
The cop, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over.
He administered the breathalyzer test and, to his great surprise, the man easily passed.
The cop was dumbfounded.
'This equipment must be broken,' exclaimed the policeman.
'I doubt it,' said the man. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'
Excuse me sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?
A cop waited outside a popular pub hoping to nab a drink-driver.
At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry.
The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk.
He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes looking for his car.
After trying his keys on five others, he finally found his own vehicle.
He sat in the car a good 10 minutes as the other pub patrons left.
He turned his lights on, then off.
He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.
Finally, when his was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.
The cop, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over.
He administered the breathalyzer test and, to his great surprise, the man easily passed.
The cop was dumbfounded.
'This equipment must be broken,' exclaimed the policeman.
'I doubt it,' said the man. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'
R
Robrites
German Girlfriend
German Girlfriend
My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done.
German Girlfriend
My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done.
Except when it means jawohl.......
