lol...that's the first thing I thought of after reading MicroRoy's. It's probably older than we are.
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2 kids 11 and 12 are hanging around the Drugstore on Main St.An older guy comes up to the 11yr old and says"Hey k-k-kid,c-c-can you t-t-tell me where the p-p-police station is?
The kid says nothing,so the older guy says again,"Hey k-k-kid,c-c-can you t-t-tell me where the p-p-police station is? Again,the kid says nothing.The older guy says" well s-s-screw you ya little p-p-prick,thanks for n-n-nothin" and walks off.
The 12yr old kid asks the 11yr old"Why didn't you tell him where the Police station was?
The 11yr old replies" What...and g-g-get my ass k-k-kicked?"
The kid says nothing,so the older guy says again,"Hey k-k-kid,c-c-can you t-t-tell me where the p-p-police station is? Again,the kid says nothing.The older guy says" well s-s-screw you ya little p-p-prick,thanks for n-n-nothin" and walks off.
The 12yr old kid asks the 11yr old"Why didn't you tell him where the Police station was?
The 11yr old replies" What...and g-g-get my ass k-k-kicked?"
Genghis Kush
Active member
“Mad Hatter: “Why is a raven like a writing-desk?”
“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
“No, I give it up,” Alice replied: “What’s the answer?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter”
“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
“No, I give it up,” Alice replied: “What’s the answer?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter”
R
Robrites
I broke up with my girlfriend because I like my women like I like my coffee
I broke up with my girlfriend because I like my women like I like my coffee
Without other people's dicks in it.
I broke up with my girlfriend because I like my women like I like my coffee
Without other people's dicks in it.
redneck gets married, leaves for his honey moon. his parents wake up when he comes home the same night around midnight. his father says, "why aren't you on your honey moon?" he says, "because pa she's a virgin, I mean, if she aint good enough for her own family, she aint good enough for ours!"
I thought they left the plunger in the toilet.
R
Robrites
A boy goes into confession...
A boy goes into confession...
The boy tells the priest, "Father I'm afraid I've been with a loose girl." "Hmm, ok son, what was the girls name?" "Oh I can't say." "Was it Mary Jane?" "No Father." "Adalina Mozarelli?" "My lips are sealed." "How about Cindy King" "I can never say." "Oh come on boy, I'll find out soon enough. It was Tina King wasn't it!?" "No." "It has to be Tracy Cummings though!" "Father I will never tell you." "Ok fine, but for your sin you can't be alter boy for four months." "Ok, Father" The boy leaves and his friend asks, "So what'd you get?" The boy responds, "Five good leads, and a four month vacation!"
A boy goes into confession...
The boy tells the priest, "Father I'm afraid I've been with a loose girl." "Hmm, ok son, what was the girls name?" "Oh I can't say." "Was it Mary Jane?" "No Father." "Adalina Mozarelli?" "My lips are sealed." "How about Cindy King" "I can never say." "Oh come on boy, I'll find out soon enough. It was Tina King wasn't it!?" "No." "It has to be Tracy Cummings though!" "Father I will never tell you." "Ok fine, but for your sin you can't be alter boy for four months." "Ok, Father" The boy leaves and his friend asks, "So what'd you get?" The boy responds, "Five good leads, and a four month vacation!"
R
Robrites
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar and he is completely parched. He sits at the bar, pats his pockets and realises he's left his wallet at home. He calls to the bartender,
"Hey pal, I've left my wallet at home but hey... tell you what, if I can show you something incredible, will you give me a free beer in return?"
The bartender is a worldly individual. "Listen mate, look around at the stuff on the walls, I've seen all kinds of things, been all kinds of places. I mean, you can give it a shot but I honestly doubt you can show me something that impressive."
So the man reaches into his left jacket pocket and pulls out a small hamster. He places the hamster on the bar and the bartender looks bemused. The man reaches into his other jacket pocket and pulls out a tiny piano, followed by a tiny stool, just the right size for the hamster, who sits down, cracks his knuckles and starts playing a famous piece of music by Rachmaninoff.
The bartender is speechless.
"Tell you what mate... I've seen some things in my time but that is absolutely incredible! Here's your free beer."
The visitor gulps down his drink until the last drop is gone. But he can't help but feel another drink would really hit the spot. He motions to the bartender again.
"Look, I could really use another drink - how about I show you something even more incredible?"
The bartender stares in disbelief. "After that performance, I think you'll struggle to beat it! But go on, try your luck then."
The man reaches into his left jacket pocket again and retrieves a small frog, who is wearing a waist coat. He places the frog on the stool beside the hamster. The hamster counts to four, the frog clears his throat, and over the piano the frog sings a classic opera, bringing several people in the bar to tears.
"Oh my word," says the bartender. "That is absolutely unbelievable. Here's your pint, mate. You've earned it."
In the corner of the room, a shady looking individual has been watching with keen interest from behind his dark sunglasses. He approaches the owner of the performing animals and gets straight to business.
"I'll give you £50,000 right now, in cash, if you'll let me take that frog off your hands this instant."
"Well, sure, why not?" says the man, as he duly hands the frog over to the shady character, who promptly slides back a silver briefcase filled with bank notes before making his exit with the frog.
"Are you MAD!?" the bartender says to the man. "You could have made millions with that frog!"
"Nah," says the man.
"The hamster's a ventriloquist."
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar and he is completely parched. He sits at the bar, pats his pockets and realises he's left his wallet at home. He calls to the bartender,
"Hey pal, I've left my wallet at home but hey... tell you what, if I can show you something incredible, will you give me a free beer in return?"
The bartender is a worldly individual. "Listen mate, look around at the stuff on the walls, I've seen all kinds of things, been all kinds of places. I mean, you can give it a shot but I honestly doubt you can show me something that impressive."
So the man reaches into his left jacket pocket and pulls out a small hamster. He places the hamster on the bar and the bartender looks bemused. The man reaches into his other jacket pocket and pulls out a tiny piano, followed by a tiny stool, just the right size for the hamster, who sits down, cracks his knuckles and starts playing a famous piece of music by Rachmaninoff.
The bartender is speechless.
"Tell you what mate... I've seen some things in my time but that is absolutely incredible! Here's your free beer."
The visitor gulps down his drink until the last drop is gone. But he can't help but feel another drink would really hit the spot. He motions to the bartender again.
"Look, I could really use another drink - how about I show you something even more incredible?"
The bartender stares in disbelief. "After that performance, I think you'll struggle to beat it! But go on, try your luck then."
The man reaches into his left jacket pocket again and retrieves a small frog, who is wearing a waist coat. He places the frog on the stool beside the hamster. The hamster counts to four, the frog clears his throat, and over the piano the frog sings a classic opera, bringing several people in the bar to tears.
"Oh my word," says the bartender. "That is absolutely unbelievable. Here's your pint, mate. You've earned it."
In the corner of the room, a shady looking individual has been watching with keen interest from behind his dark sunglasses. He approaches the owner of the performing animals and gets straight to business.
"I'll give you £50,000 right now, in cash, if you'll let me take that frog off your hands this instant."
"Well, sure, why not?" says the man, as he duly hands the frog over to the shady character, who promptly slides back a silver briefcase filled with bank notes before making his exit with the frog.
"Are you MAD!?" the bartender says to the man. "You could have made millions with that frog!"
"Nah," says the man.
"The hamster's a ventriloquist."
R
Robrites
I was having sex with a woman when her husband came home early.
I was having sex with a woman when her husband came home early.
She told me to use the back door and I'd have to be quick.
In retrospect I should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.
I was having sex with a woman when her husband came home early.
She told me to use the back door and I'd have to be quick.
In retrospect I should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that.
R
Robrites
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club...
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club...
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door.
She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.
So the biker asked her, "You have a bike?"
The little old lady said, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady said "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady said, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club...
A little old lady wanted to join a biker club.
She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answered the door.
She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club."
The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join.
So the biker asked her, "You have a bike?"
The little old lady said, "Yea, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway.
The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady said "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The little old lady said, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
Cadfael
Active member
Two little old ladies are enjoying a smoke outside. It starts to rain and one takes out a condom and puts it over the cigarette.
"What is that?" Edith asks.
"Its a condom." Replied Ethel. "With these i can still keep smoking in the rain."
Edith wants to try it out and goes to the pharmacy and Asks for a 2 boxes of condoms.
The druggist, looking at her advanced age, is perplexed. "What type are you looking for? Lubricated? Ribbed?"
Edith replies, "Whatever fits over a camel."
The druggist fainted.
"What is that?" Edith asks.
"Its a condom." Replied Ethel. "With these i can still keep smoking in the rain."
Edith wants to try it out and goes to the pharmacy and Asks for a 2 boxes of condoms.
The druggist, looking at her advanced age, is perplexed. "What type are you looking for? Lubricated? Ribbed?"
Edith replies, "Whatever fits over a camel."
The druggist fainted.
Forward
Forward
I forwarded that vile "joke" and Budette said to kick your ass and swing her around a few times my her nipples. Ask her if you don't believe me chicken shit and tell her
Forward
I forwarded that vile "joke" and Budette said to kick your ass and swing her around a few times my her nipples. Ask her if you don't believe me chicken shit and tell her
