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barnyard
Member
A string walked into a bar one night and ordered a drink. “Get lost!” the bartender cried. “We don’t serve strings here.”
Offended, the string left. Then a second string came in and asked for a drink. “Get lost!” the bartender cried. “We don’t serve strings here.”
As the string was leaving, a third showed up. The second paused to warn him, but the third was very thirsty, so he tied himself into a knot and ruffled his hair before he approached the bar.
When the bartender glared at him and asked, “Are you a string?”, he calmly replied, “No, a frayed knot.”
Offended, the string left. Then a second string came in and asked for a drink. “Get lost!” the bartender cried. “We don’t serve strings here.”
As the string was leaving, a third showed up. The second paused to warn him, but the third was very thirsty, so he tied himself into a knot and ruffled his hair before he approached the bar.
When the bartender glared at him and asked, “Are you a string?”, he calmly replied, “No, a frayed knot.”
So there's this guy. He's about to go on a business trip and his wife isn't the most faithful woman around.. So he decides he's going to get her a sex toy.
He doesn't really like this idea either but he'd prefer it over another man.
So he goes to a sex shop and after hours of looking around he can find anything he finds acceptable. As he's leaving, the clerk stops him and asks if he's having a problem. He says yes and explain's his situation and the clerk says "well there's one other thing"
He goes behind the counter and takes out a wooden box and opens it, inside lay an very dull and unextrodinary dildo. The man says "what the hell is this?"
"It's the voodoo dick", says the clerk. "And I know you don't believe me but watch. Voodoo dick, keyhole" the dildo rises from the box and over to the keyhole of the door and fucks the living hell out of it. The man was amazed.
"Voodoo dick, box", says the clerk. "I'll take it!!" The man remarks without a second thought.
Two weeks later, the wife is at home. Getting lonely and horny.
She remembers the toy her husband had got for her so she gets it out. She says, "voodoo dick, pussy". It begins fucking her.
After a few minutes she done, but there's a problem. She doesn't know how to stop it. She panics because its getting faster and she's in pain so she drives to the hospital. Naturally she's speeding, and gets pulled over.
The cop asks her why she's speeding and she says "I'm being fucked by a voodoo dick and I can't stop it, It hurts!!"
The cop, after a moment of amused contemplation;
"Voodoo dick, my ass!!"
He doesn't really like this idea either but he'd prefer it over another man.
So he goes to a sex shop and after hours of looking around he can find anything he finds acceptable. As he's leaving, the clerk stops him and asks if he's having a problem. He says yes and explain's his situation and the clerk says "well there's one other thing"
He goes behind the counter and takes out a wooden box and opens it, inside lay an very dull and unextrodinary dildo. The man says "what the hell is this?"
"It's the voodoo dick", says the clerk. "And I know you don't believe me but watch. Voodoo dick, keyhole" the dildo rises from the box and over to the keyhole of the door and fucks the living hell out of it. The man was amazed.
"Voodoo dick, box", says the clerk. "I'll take it!!" The man remarks without a second thought.
Two weeks later, the wife is at home. Getting lonely and horny.
She remembers the toy her husband had got for her so she gets it out. She says, "voodoo dick, pussy". It begins fucking her.
After a few minutes she done, but there's a problem. She doesn't know how to stop it. She panics because its getting faster and she's in pain so she drives to the hospital. Naturally she's speeding, and gets pulled over.
The cop asks her why she's speeding and she says "I'm being fucked by a voodoo dick and I can't stop it, It hurts!!"
The cop, after a moment of amused contemplation;
"Voodoo dick, my ass!!"
MicroRoy
Active member
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East
Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.
Latin American countries are sending clothing.
New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.
Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.
President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims
Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock.
Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance.
Latin American countries are sending clothing.
New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep, cattle and food crops.
The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in rebuilding the infrastructure.
Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.
President Trump, not to be outdone, is sending back two million replacement Muslims
At times like this: You should look deep within yourself...
..you'll need a flashlight & yoga lessons
..you'll need a flashlight & yoga lessons
