The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[420somewhere]

Hunting Season in West Virginia..

Hunting Season in West Virginia..

It's Hunting Season in West Virginia and a hunter wakes his wife at 4:00 and says get up we're going hunting.

She says I'm not going. He tells her she can either go hunting or suck his dick or get buttfucked.

I'm going to check on the dogs and you make up your mind.

He comes back and asks if she want to go hunting. She says no, but I'll suck your dick.

She starts sucking and then spitting and holler'n she says your dick tastes like shit.
Well the dogs didn't want to go hunting either

 

[trichrider]

Late Night Vet Call

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat," agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.

She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"Just worked for me," he replied.

 

[MicroRoy]

What happens when a frog's car breaks down???

It gets "toad" away!!!​

 

[CosmicGiggle]

Archbishop of Canterbury learns real father was Churchill's private secretary!


The funny thing about this is that it's not a joke!

 

[Robrites]

A woman is in the hospital in a coma...

A woman is in the hospital in a coma...

and the husband is in the waiting room. The doctor comes out and tells the husband every time he gets near her crotch, her heart rate increases, and tells the husband he believes oral sex will bring her out of the coma.

The husband enters the room. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. The husband replies, "I dont know, Doc. I think she choked."

 

[hossthehermit]

A young Texan grew up wanting to be a law man. He grew up big, 6' 2'', and strong as a longhorn and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces. When he finally became of age he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sherrif's Department.

After a big mess of tests and interviews the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview. The Chief Deputy says: "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good. But we have what you call an 'attitude suitability test' that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge son." Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief says, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot:

six politicians
six illegal aliens,
six lawyers,
six meth dealers,
six Muslim extremists,
and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?" asked the young Texan. "Great attitude son," says the Chief Deputy. "When can you start?"

 

[MicroRoy]

Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet?

Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!!

 

[MicroRoy]

There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses!".

 

[jedi5891]

What's brown and sticky..........A stick!

 

[MicroRoy]

What's brown and sticky..........A stick!

A turd.

 

[rod58]

hahaha , poppa bear at the brecky table says " who the fuck has eaten my breakfast ? "
baby bear says " someone has eaten mine ..waaaahhhh."
mumma bear says "ya fuckin idiots , i haven't even made it yet ! ..
'

 

[corky1968]

If your a MAN.

Do use GOMAN instead of GOMAM if your pulled over for speeding.

 

[MicroRoy]

Two fish were in a tank.

One fish looks at the other fish and asks.

Do you know how to drive this thing?​

 

[Hank Hemp]

Hey, if you all haven't figured it out yet, Micro just bought the latest edition of the 101 nearly funny joke book. Keep trying Micro!

 

[CosmicGiggle]

What this place really needs is a new forum, The Sharktank and an additional server to host it!

Think of the possibilitease!

 

[Lester Moore]

recently joined a nudist colony...first two days were the hardest!

 

[lovelightpower]

I wanted to go to a nudist colony, but they said I couldn't come.

 

[MicroRoy]

The girls me to the nudist colony.

Cause I was the only one that could carry a dozen doughnuts and two cups of coffee.

 

[Lester Moore]

its like I told the paraplegic that stole my wallet, you can hide... but ya cant run!

 

[MicroRoy]

I think I have repressed memories. But I forget