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How many political leaders does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to promise to change it if voted back in.
One to blame the need to change on the previous government, despite not changing it in 5 years.
One to say they would change it if they had more power in this coalition.
One to say it's dark because immigrants failed to change it.
One to say they're not changing an English bulb.
One to refuse to change it because the spare bulb isn't eco-friendly.
One to wonder what this indoor sun thing is.
One to promise to change it if voted back in.
One to blame the need to change on the previous government, despite not changing it in 5 years.
One to say they would change it if they had more power in this coalition.
One to say it's dark because immigrants failed to change it.
One to say they're not changing an English bulb.
One to refuse to change it because the spare bulb isn't eco-friendly.
One to wonder what this indoor sun thing is.
do you know the difference between a farmers boots and a cowboys boots? the farmers boots have all of the bullshit on the outside...
do you know how many radical feminists it takes to change a lightbulb?
answer- "that's not fucking FUNNY!"
answer- "that's not fucking FUNNY!"
"you must spread blahblahblah etc before giving Mr. Brunch his due..." 
"you must spread blahblahblah etc before giving Mr. Brunch his due..."
Now that makes me laugh!!
For some reason, I just never pictured you saying blahblahblah...
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Now that makes me laugh!!
For some reason, I just never pictured you saying blahblahblah...
my babbling is normally more eloquent than that. "blahblahblah" just seemed to fit SO well though...
A man received the following text from his neighbour:
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.
A few moments later, a second text came in:
Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".
Yo' mama's so fat her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
Yo' mama's so fat the police took away her red cross shirt cause the hospital helicopter kept getting confused
Yo' mama's so fat she puts on her lipstick with a paint roller.
Yo' mama's so fat when her beeper goes off they think it means she's backing up.
Yo mama's so fat when she go to KFC she asks how much is that bucket on the roof?
Yo mama's so dumb she took back a donut cause it had a hole in it.
Yo' mama's so fat she had to leave the beach cause Greenpeace people kept tryin' to push her back in the water
Yo' mama's so fat the police took away her red cross shirt cause the hospital helicopter kept getting confused
Yo' mama's so fat she puts on her lipstick with a paint roller.
Yo' mama's so fat when her beeper goes off they think it means she's backing up.
Yo mama's so fat when she go to KFC she asks how much is that bucket on the roof?
Yo mama's so dumb she took back a donut cause it had a hole in it.
Yo' mama's so fat she had to leave the beach cause Greenpeace people kept tryin' to push her back in the water
Yo mama so fat when she dance at the concert the band skips.
yo mama so poor a dude breakin in her house would get robbed.
I just came from the Karma restaurant, it's really cool, they don't have a menu, you just get whatever you deserve.
-\o/- drowning man.
-*\o/*- drowning cheerleader
yo mama so poor a dude breakin in her house would get robbed.
I just came from the Karma restaurant, it's really cool, they don't have a menu, you just get whatever you deserve.
-\o/- drowning man.
-*\o/*- drowning cheerleader
Did you hear about the kid who overdosed and died from weed?
Yeah, nobody else ever heard of that sh** either.
How do you know you're a pothead? You study for hours for your next urine test.
What do you call a pothead who doesn't inhale? Mr. President
How many potheads does it take to change a light bulb?
Why do you need to do all that? - just use your lighter.
Why'd the pothead cross the street?
They got some new fertilizer/pot/seeds, dude!
Yeah, nobody else ever heard of that sh** either.
How do you know you're a pothead? You study for hours for your next urine test.
What do you call a pothead who doesn't inhale? Mr. President
How many potheads does it take to change a light bulb?
Why do you need to do all that? - just use your lighter.
Why'd the pothead cross the street?
They got some new fertilizer/pot/seeds, dude!
How much weed would a woodchuck puff
if a woodchuck could puff weed?
A woodchuck would puff as much weed
as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could puff weed
You can not purchase happiness with money.
However you CAN purchase weed, and that's pretty f***n close.
Me and the cat have been staring at each other so long
I forgot which one of us stoned.
if a woodchuck could puff weed?
A woodchuck would puff as much weed
as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck could puff weed
You can not purchase happiness with money.
However you CAN purchase weed, and that's pretty f***n close.
Me and the cat have been staring at each other so long
I forgot which one of us stoned.
I've been standing at the traffic lights for five hours now, ever since I realised that I'm controlling them with my mind. If I leave, or lose concentration, there will be a terrible accident, it's a huge responsibility.
It's just my luck that it had to happen on my first day trying magic mushrooms.
It's just my luck that it had to happen on my first day trying magic mushrooms.
