The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[armedoldhippy]

Know why Gen. Washington stood in the boat while crossing the Delaware? Cause every time he sat down somebody gave him a oar. Damn lazy ass officer for you, some things never change do they.

dammit, Hank! the guy painting his picture could not have told him from the others if he was sitting down amongst that crowd. don't you know nuthin'? I'm amazed that it turned out as well as it did, painting in the dark & sleet/snow and the waves & all...

 

[Hank Hemp]

Hillbilly

Hillbilly

dammit, Hank! the guy painting his picture could not have told him from the others if he was sitting down amongst that crowd. don't you know nuthin'? I'm amazed that it turned out as well as it did, painting in the dark & sleet/snow and the waves & all...

One word Armed, photoshop. Your welcome

 

[hup234]

Bud those are ferries not rowboats, hillbilly.

No you're a fairy...

 

[Pinball Wizard]

Speaking of George...We know George Washington was much more of a soldier than a sailor...

Look at the painting of him crossing the Delaware River...
Any sailor knows better than to stand up in a fuckin' rowboat!

I remember his famous words...

"It's not THAT cold...shut up and row!"

 

[mr.brunch]

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

 

[CosmicGiggle]

dammit, Hank! the guy painting his picture ...... I'm amazed that it turned out as well as it did, painting in the dark & sleet/snow and the waves & all...

Actually, since it's an OIL painting, it wasn't that hard to pull off 'cause everyone knows that oil and water don't mix!

 

[Hank Hemp]

Huh???

Huh???

No you're a fairy...

I ain't got no wings or grammar.

That was a real nice try at humor Cosmic, keep trying and one day you may get a giggle cosmic or not.

 

[armedoldhippy]

I ain't got no wings or grammar.

That was a real nice try at humor Cosmic, keep trying and one day you may get a giggle cosmic or not.

I believe that it should be "wings NOR grammar" since it is a negative...

 

[Weezard]

Red bull for the wings, night school for the grammar.
Then come try again.

 

[hup234]

School is like a boner,long and hard...unless you're asian

 

[hup234]

Why are redneck murder cases so hard to solve? Because all the dna matches and there are no dental records.

 

[trichrider]

https://www.youtube.com/v/mYP-2UCS5nY

 

[Hank Hemp]

Lets have a show of hands

Lets have a show of hands

I believe that it should be "wings NOR grammar" since it is a negative...

Who gives a shoot?

 

[mr.brunch]

So I heard that the hackers "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda

Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists now.

 

[Iffy]

Logic

Logic

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

 

[trichrider]

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

Get On With It Hank!

 

[Harry Gypsna]

I asked Steve Emerson, "World renowned Expert" at Fox news what the weather is like in Birmingham.

He said it's Quite often Sunni, but generally it's Shiite.

 

[MJBadger]

He said it's Quite often Sunni, but generally it's Shiite

I damm near wet myself

 

[Harry Gypsna]

I damm near wet myself

I try my best.

What a fuckin' nugget that guy is.

 

[Hank Hemp]

Thankyou trich

Thankyou trich

Get On With It Hank!

I love that joke why I remember back oh what were those 3 guys names that told that fish joke the first several times? Not important. It's a good one every time after time.

Thanks for sharing.