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I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves . . .
nice one
A guy walks into a bar,sits down,and orders 10 shots of Whiskey.He downs them one after the other.The bartender says,you must be celebrating something?The guys says yeah,my first BJ.The bartender says,well congratulations,have a shot on the house.The guy says no thanks,if 10 shots won't get the taste out of my mouth,another one won't make any difference.
Q. what do a slice of burnt toast and your pregnant girlfriend have in common
A. you stare at both blankly and wish you had pulled it out sooner
A. you stare at both blankly and wish you had pulled it out sooner
N
noyd666
BURNT TOAST NO GOOD.
The latest version of a desktop computer operating system reportedly designed by North Korean programmers has been made available online.
"This is the dog's bollocks" Said a Korean teenager.
"Put your dinner down and come and look at this new operating sytem" Shouted his father
"This is the dog's bollocks" Said a Korean teenager.
"Put your dinner down and come and look at this new operating sytem" Shouted his father
Have you ever wondered who first uttered the phrase
"You Gotta Be Shittin Me?"
Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops.
There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.
Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.
Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware.
Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.
Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted.
He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on. Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General,I see lights ahead.'
They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.
General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.
Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'
Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well General, you have come to the right place.
We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have? Washington replied, 'Well Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters.'
And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me.'
"You Gotta Be Shittin Me?"
Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops.
There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.
Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.
Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware.
Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.
Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted.
He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on. Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General,I see lights ahead.'
They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came.
General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.
Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.'
Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, 'Well General, you have come to the right place.
We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have? Washington replied, 'Well Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters.'
And the Madam said, 'You gotta be shittin me.'
A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant
and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table..
He had been checking her out since he sat down,
but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
********************
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying
out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air,
and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said,
as she popped her eye back in place.
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
**********************
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together,
and afterwards they went to the theatre
followed by drinks...
They talked, they laughed, she shared her
deepest dreams
and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
*************************
After paying for everything,
she asked him if he
would like to come to her place
for a nightcap and
stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful,
wonderful time..
************************
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with
all the trimmings. The guy was amazed.
Everything had been so incredible!
*************************
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman..
Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . ..
'You just happened to catch my eye.'
and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table..
He had been checking her out since he sat down,
but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
********************
Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying
out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air,
and handed it back.
'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said,
as she popped her eye back in place.
'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'
**********************
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together,
and afterwards they went to the theatre
followed by drinks...
They talked, they laughed, she shared her
deepest dreams
and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.
*************************
After paying for everything,
she asked him if he
would like to come to her place
for a nightcap and
stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful,
wonderful time..
************************
The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with
all the trimmings. The guy was amazed.
Everything had been so incredible!
*************************
'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman..
Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'
'No,' she replies. . ..
'You just happened to catch my eye.'
