The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[Boys from south]

Heres one..

My wife has a clam tattoo'd on the inside of her leg... When I place my ear upon it I can smell the sea!


>.<

 

[armedoldhippy]

Heres one..

My wife has a clam tattoo'd on the inside of her leg... When I place my ear upon it I can smell the sea!


>.<

that's not the sea, it's....no, you said it was your WIFE, didn't you? sorry...

 

[EsterEssence]

I thought the same thing armed..

 

[Only Ornamental]

@Bfs: I hope for you and your wife that she's not Italian...
Ever smelled the Adriatic sea around Venice, especially in summer? *Wretch!*

 

[idiit]

joke about a sadist and a masochist

Hit me! Beat me! Kick me!” the masochist pleads with the sadist. The sadist smiles a cruel smile and slowly answers: “No!”

 

[Stonefree69]

 

[Only Ornamental]

I wonder how such a stupid person could become so terribly rich AND drag a secretary maybe half his age but can't afford A: a reporter fluent in proper English, B: a maid who knows how to work, C: a new house without a loan, and D: a moving company who realises that the stuff they move is about to rot badly...

 

[Hank Hemp]

My guess, it's a joke. Not a article really.

 

[tropicannayeah]

"I'd love every bone in your body, especially mine" Austen Tayshus

 

[mr.brunch]

My dad always said to me, "Take it with a pinch of salt."

Nice man.

Made shit coffee.

 

[Stonefree69]

My guess, it's a joke. Not a article really.

A revenge joke, clever ex-wife.

 

[Eighths-n-Aces]

Q) why did the jewish guy get circumcised ?


A) because his wife won't touch a damn thing thats not at least 5% off

 

[Stonefree69]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed,
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she
protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned
around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later
with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from
top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and
shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the
head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he
returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat
back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the
woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she
cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the
Cat Scan, it's now $150."

 

[jd4083]

 

[mr.brunch]

I'll never forget what my Grandfather said to me just before he died.

"Are you still holding the fucking ladder?"

 

[tropicannayeah]

Mr Brunch..that Grandfather/ladder joke is a good one, here's another Grandfather joke (that's been posted more than once in this thread), this one is a classic ....

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my Grandfather did.........not screaming crazily like all his 39 passengers in his bus as he drove over the cliff"

 

[mr.brunch]

Or.....
My grandpa was very ill recently. we tried covering his back with lard- but after this he went downhill very quickly

 

[tropicannayeah]

A reporter was interviewing a 103 year-old great grandfather: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 103?" the reporter asked. He simply replied, "No peer pressure."

source - http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/grandpajokes.html

 

[tropicannayeah]

Grandpa: "Look they made a movie about The Smurfs grown up"

Son: "Grandpa! Please shhhhhhh, this is a new movie called Avatar"

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/grandpajokes.html

 

[tropicannayeah]

If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/marijuanajokes.html