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twistedthreads
Active member
Papa Smurf??
I was going to save this joke for Easter but here goes- Jesus is nailed to the cross and calls out "Peter, Peter" and Peter calls back I'm here Lord I'm coming. Poor Peter runs up Calvary but the Romans grab him and throw him back down. "Peter, Peter" Jesus calls once again. Peter fights his way up the hill only to be thrown down again. "Peter, Peter Jesus calls, Peter storms up the hill for a third time grabs the foot of the cross and calls out I'm here Lord what is it? To which Jesus answers Peter, Peter I can see your house from up here."
Dan and his wife were working in their garden one day when Dan looks over at his wife and says: "You're butt is getting big, I mean really big.
I think it's even bigger than the Weber barbecue grill. He went in the garage and got a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the Weber grill!!!"
The wife chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, Dan is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers:
"Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill, just for one little wiener?"
I think it's even bigger than the Weber barbecue grill. He went in the garage and got a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the Weber grill!!!"
The wife chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, Dan is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers:
"Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill, just for one little wiener?"
T
tropicannayeah
Damn, I missed it!
T
tropicannayeah
Hank's Easter joke...an oldie but a goodie and always makes me laugh
Remember the dumb blonde jokes?
Remember the dumb blonde jokes?
A blonde and a brunett and a handsome business man are riding the elevator in a tall office building.
The business man gets off the elevator and the brunette says,
"That good looking guy had a bad case of dandruff, he could really use some 'Head and Shoulders'."
The blond turns to her and says, "Yes he could, but tell me, how do you give 'Shoulders'?"
(With my apologies to the fair-haired Lady-growers here...I still hope you'll get a chuckle out of this one.)
Remember the dumb blonde jokes?
A blonde and a brunett and a handsome business man are riding the elevator in a tall office building.
The business man gets off the elevator and the brunette says,
"That good looking guy had a bad case of dandruff, he could really use some 'Head and Shoulders'."
The blond turns to her and says, "Yes he could, but tell me, how do you give 'Shoulders'?"
(With my apologies to the fair-haired Lady-growers here...I still hope you'll get a chuckle out of this one.)
Insurmountable
New member
Fair-haired lady growers? Lol
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer? One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
Old ones are the best ones
A guy is standing in a bar drinking. He turns to the barman and says "mate, do you want to hear a good blonde joke?"
Barman says "look, let me stop you there. See the blonde guy at the table behind you? He's a bare-knuckle prizefighter. The two equally blonde guys at the other end of the bar ? Both champion mixed martial arts fighters. And the two very blonde girls just behind them ? Very experienced wrestlers. And while we're on the subject, my head may be shaved- but I'm blonde too! Do you still want to tell that joke?"
" no, fair enough " says the guy
"I don't want to have to explain it 6 times "
A guy is standing in a bar drinking. He turns to the barman and says "mate, do you want to hear a good blonde joke?"
Barman says "look, let me stop you there. See the blonde guy at the table behind you? He's a bare-knuckle prizefighter. The two equally blonde guys at the other end of the bar ? Both champion mixed martial arts fighters. And the two very blonde girls just behind them ? Very experienced wrestlers. And while we're on the subject, my head may be shaved- but I'm blonde too! Do you still want to tell that joke?"
" no, fair enough " says the guy
"I don't want to have to explain it 6 times "
