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The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

Only Ornamental

Spiritually inspired agnostic mad scientist
Veteran
Be a man throw them away!
That's what I told myself when taking the thing apart... Didn't manage to put it back together, though. Couldn't remember which wire goes where :) .
Fortunately, it was the old one and I was only after the pump which is supposed to have 19 Bar pressure ;) .
 

Only Ornamental

Spiritually inspired agnostic mad scientist
Veteran
DIY? Hopefully not DIY like 'Does Inundate Yourhome' :D .

Back to some tasteless jokes:

Why are growers such bad couples therapists?

It all started smoothly when Dr. Grower was shaking hands welcoming his clients: 'Good morning Mr. Morgan. How are we today? A pleasure you brought your wife along!'

But from that point on, Dr. G fell into growers habits and things went awry:
- Your wife, since I last saw her, really fattened up nicely!
- I must say, Mr. M, she has a great bag appeal!
- She's gettin a lil purple on her cheeks; could be phosphorous lockout and she might be done in a week or two!

- Mr. M, don't bother about diamonds. It's crystals that count; the more she gets, the richer and happier YOU will be ;) .

- BTW Ms. M, compliment on your perfume; dank roadkill skunk, yummy!
- Oh, Mr. Morgan, the love of your life is getting all red 'n blue. When mine do that, I'll chop 'em. But don't forget to to give 'er only plain water for the last week or so!

- What? Your wife's shooting up? Don't worry, just bend her over more often.

- Uhh... seems bad, doesn't it? Give her some nice cure in a mason jar for some months, that'll help and brings out the smells for sure!
 

Stonefree69

Veg & Flower Station keeper
Veteran
1.1222.jpg
 

kaochiu

Well-known member
Veteran
- Oh my God, Alistair, I never thought our son would go so far...
- Yeeehaaa! Love this catapult! Bring the dog!
 

Scroggy B

Active member
A woman comes rushing to the doctor and asks:
-Doctor, please it's an emergency. Can you get pregnant from anal sex?
-Of course you can. Where did you think lawyers come from?
 

Scroggy B

Active member
One man had chest pains and overall bad feeling, so he went to the doctor. During the meeting, the doctor asked him when was the last time he had sex. The man says he doesn't remember, and calls his wife to ask.
-Hello, Sarah, when was the last time we had sex?
-Who is this?
 

LEF

Active member
Veteran
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
 

LEF

Active member
Veteran
One day little Johnny walked out of his bedroom with his suitcase packed. His dad asked him where he was going and Johnny replied, "Last night I heard you say that you were pulling out and mommy said she was coming too. I didn't want to be left behind!"
 

LEF

Active member
Veteran
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
 
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