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noyd666
ENJOYED READING THOSE JOKES VERY FUNNY LADY . SHE WONT GIVE ANYBODY ANY PEACE LOL.
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Joan Rivers died as a result of a surgical procedure.
Well, at least she died doing what she loved best!
Well, at least she died doing what she loved best!
T
tropicannayeah
I was very disappointed to just read that only a few weeks ago Rivers said that the Palestinians deserve to die...if that quote is correct, what a hate ridden, racist kunt of a thing to say.
.so a big fuck you and good riddance to Joan Rivers, she's about as funny as the Warsaw ghetto in WW2 to me now.
.so a big fuck you and good riddance to Joan Rivers, she's about as funny as the Warsaw ghetto in WW2 to me now.
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I was kinda hoping someone would object to my joke, so I could reply with a variation on her own words
"She's dead, she deserves to be dead, don't you dare try to make me feel bad about it!".
I am sure if I had a little bit to drink I would have tried myself on Joan had I been given the chance.
I found her a bit, obnoxious, tiring.. she would get on my nerves
she would be very disrespectful at times
but I guess with an attitude like that, she was begging for a pegging
I found her a bit, obnoxious, tiring.. she would get on my nerves
she would be very disrespectful at times
but I guess with an attitude like that, she was begging for a pegging
T
tropicannayeah
I am sure if I had a little bit to drink I would have tried myself on Joan had I been given the chance.
I found her a bit, obnoxious, tiring.. she would get on my nerves
she would be very disrespectful at times
but I guess with an attitude like that, she was begging for a pegging
Lef, "a little bit to drink", damn, she was 81......I'd peg anything with a pulse and a smile too, but I do draw the line at 49.
I'd love to bang a chick with Rivers standing 5 feet away holding a microphone doing commentary...now that would be funny.
you should check out a website called video-one dot com...there's about one million free porno vids to see all arranged in dozens of different categories ...there's a whole section there just for you lol.
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
what do a WNBA team and a golf course have in common?
........ about 18 holes and really small balls
........ about 18 holes and really small balls
so this dr is sitting home getting drunk feeling bad for violating dr patient rule.. suddenly this little devil pops up on his shoulder ..hey whats up says the devil..well I had sex with a lot of my patients says doctor... devil replies hey man you aint the first and you wont be the last get over it.. then a tiny angel pops up on other shoulder and says but hey man your a VET...
fulltimehuman
Active member
Colonel Sanders arranged a meeting with the Pope.
'Colonel, to what do I owe the pleasure today?'
'Well Papa, I need a favor.'
'You see its been a wonderful year for KFC and I want to donate one BILLION dolalrs to the church'
'Oh my!' replied the Pontiff.
"Yes, well there is one stipulation. You know the Lord's prayer? I want it changed to 'Give us this day our daily Chicken instead of bread.'"
'Oh, well that prayer is very holy I will have an emergency meeting with the Council of Bishops!'
At the meeting, the Pontiff Addresses the Bishops......
'Well Boys, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?'
'Well give us the good news first!'
'The Church has just secured a BILLION DOLLAR donation!'
All the Bishops cheered in anticipation of how they would spend their share of the money when one Bishop asked...
'Hey, what's the bad news?'
'Well, we lost the Wonderbread account.'
'Colonel, to what do I owe the pleasure today?'
'Well Papa, I need a favor.'
'You see its been a wonderful year for KFC and I want to donate one BILLION dolalrs to the church'
'Oh my!' replied the Pontiff.
"Yes, well there is one stipulation. You know the Lord's prayer? I want it changed to 'Give us this day our daily Chicken instead of bread.'"
'Oh, well that prayer is very holy I will have an emergency meeting with the Council of Bishops!'
At the meeting, the Pontiff Addresses the Bishops......
'Well Boys, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?'
'Well give us the good news first!'
'The Church has just secured a BILLION DOLLAR donation!'
All the Bishops cheered in anticipation of how they would spend their share of the money when one Bishop asked...
'Hey, what's the bad news?'
'Well, we lost the Wonderbread account.'
fulltimehuman
Active member
q/a: What did they find up Rock Hudson's wristwatch?
Former Guest
Active member
Q: what do you call a stoner who is horny?
A: a weed wacker
A: a weed wacker
twistedthreads
Active member
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe with a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, I'm yours.'
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing a skimpy running outfit, running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, I'm yours.'
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'
He lost 63 pounds that week.
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing a skimpy running outfit, running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me, I'm yours.'
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.'
'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'
He lost 63 pounds that week.
fulltimehuman
Active member
I just ran in to my Zen Buddhist Monk friend who is schizophrenic.
He kept insisting he was at TWO with the universe.
He kept insisting he was at TWO with the universe.
fulltimehuman
Active member
The masochist said 'HURT ME!'
The sadist said 'NO!'
The sadist said 'NO!'
Uh... I guess that's not as funny as I thought. Sorry if I offended anyone, 'specially them redskin motherfuckers.
