the dumbest shit you ever said.

[Guvnor]

On the bus a few years back, the bus was packed to the rafters, not a spare seat going.
A middleaged women gets on and scans for a spare seat, the women is fairly large around the waist so I say to the lady '' Excuse me love, I'd never forgive myself if I let a pregnant lady not have my seat, here, have mine''
The women throws me a funny looks- '' Honestly love, not a problem have my seat. You look like your about ready to burst''

It was the massive vain on her head about to burst that finally gave it away! I was straight on my toe's and got off at the next stop! Whoops

All The Best
Guvnor

 

[Guest]

On the bus a few years back, the bus was packed to the rafters, not a spare seat going.
A middleaged women gets on and scans for a spare seat, the women is fairly large around the waist so I say to the lady '' Excuse me love, I'd never forgive myself if I let a pregnant lady not have my seat, here, have mine''
The women throws me a funny looks- '' Honestly love, not a problem have my seat. You look like your about ready to burst''

It was the massive vain on her head about to burst that finally gave it away! I was straight on my toe's and got off at the next stop! Whoops

All The Best
Guvnor

you'd think she'd try and pass it off as being pregnant unless she's proud of being a greedy consumer.

 

[Lune TNS]

On the bus a few years back, the bus was packed to the rafters, not a spare seat going.
A middleaged women gets on and scans for a spare seat, the women is fairly large around the waist so I say to the lady '' Excuse me love, I'd never forgive myself if I let a pregnant lady not have my seat, here, have mine''
The women throws me a funny looks- '' Honestly love, not a problem have my seat. You look like your about ready to burst''

It was the massive vain on her head about to burst that finally gave it away! I was straight on my toe's and got off at the next stop! Whoops

All The Best
Guvnor

LMAO I can one-up you though. During my stay at that same job I was talking about in my previous post I called a horribly ugly woman "sir" for a couple days straight without realizing what I had done. In my defence, she did need to shave and looked sort of like Louie Anderson, but I guess I still should have known.

 

[alexnalaskaOG]

my luck would have constituted her wallopping me Guvnor....lol...

ive had to guess a few genders TNS....its still unsettleing how hard it is to tell sometimes....gotta lol though...

i thought of 1 as i just saw a dog....

that dog wont bark..

the bus driver will stop

i grew up w/that cop. hes cool

you cant do no better than that( what makes these words so stupid? i turned around during a whipping and said it to my irish dad...leather strop was already in play, so you can imagine what happened...)

 

[ElDust]

"I will suck it for a gram of coke."


jk

 

[med_breeder]

"After that whole Clinton scandal, what ever G.W. Bush does, will only bring more dignity,respect and honor to the oval office."

 

[Guest]

i saw this woman that i had graduated high school with in 80 and we had'nt seen each other in about 20yrs, so we get to talking and end up going out. she invites me to spend the night and of course i say yes . we smoke one , shower, and head for the bedroom. as we engage in foreplay and say all kinds of sweet nothings to each other, she looks up at me and says, in high school i had the biggest crush in the world on you . like a fool i say i know but i could'nt mess with you cause i was banging your sister! she immediately pulled her panties on, called her sister to confirm, and asked me to leave.

wtf man...

 

[Guest]

ROFL

The kids and I were in line behind a huge lady that barely fit in the aisle at a large department store, when her cell phone rang, "Beep, beep, beep".

One of the kids yelled "Watch out dad! She's fixin to back up!"

Couldn't check out fast enough & beat it to the car......

 

[TrustNoOne]

ROFL

The kids and I were in line behind a huge lady that barely fit in the aisle at a large department store, when her cell phone rang, "Beep, beep, beep".

One of the kids yelled "Watch out dad! She's fixin to back up!"

Couldn't check out fast enough & beat it to the car......

Haaaahaaahaaaahaa.
you had me on the floor 1 toke. lol

nuthin like a belly laugh in the morning and nuthin like wise ass kids to crack me up.

 

[BirdDawg]

I was in the grocery at the fish counter. Guy asks can he help me and I reply "I'd like 3 large codpieces, please." He looked at me funny, I realized what I'd said and we both cracked up.

 

[bagseed77]

I was in the grocery at the fish counter. Guy asks can he help me and I reply "I'd like 3 large codpieces, please." He looked at me funny, I realized what I'd said and we both cracked up.

(like chris farley)hahhehawhehawhehawhehawhehaw
too funny

 

[TNTBudSticker]

"Boobs are like Blocks,,,you just go around them"

 

[OG bub]

thanks folks for keepin this thread cool!..lol
yeah, yall have said some dumb shit Ahahaha!

now, all the karmic requests are nice n all..lol.. but NO, I will not be eyeballing yer sacks! er.. Ill try not too......
n that goes for u too Endo!..lol

no more eyballing sacks for bub..I retire,,, scales will be used from here on out, I learned my lesson..... the Hard way..... and no, not that hard way....
dammit, you sik minded fuggers!

 

[Lune TNS]

ive had to guess a few genders TNS....its still unsettleing how hard it is to tell sometimes....gotta lol though...

Yup I think we've all seen one of these:

 

[Bruce leef]

"friend:
where where you"
me:
"it was all dark time and mazey out"

 

[Endo]

(beavis and butthead voice) heehehehhhheeee hhemeehmmmeemmhe he said "hard way"

 

[Farmer John]

"yeah honey of course we'll have more kids"

 

[Guest]

"hey man, you still got that tattoo?" classic

 

[alexnalaskaOG]

lol gringo....

asa said this the other night...

we were transplanting 1gal to 3gal pots and after a few hundred thousand times; ME, I, drop a plant on its head and just got instantly pissed at my self.

asa looks at me and says, w/her doe eyes glowing, " alex what are you doing?"

i couldnt stand it and said, " i was trying to teach it to fly!"

i aint had no sex since

 

[Alex-F]

"yeah honey of course we'll have more kids"

Good one