Spit a Freestyle, it's worth your while

[Jam Master Jaco]

If I had a buck for everytime I said fuck
I'd have a dollar to buy me a homeless duck
dress it up as a chicken, fuck it, and make it cluck
then brainwash it by telling it "you ran out of luck"
put my wee wee between my legs and tuck
then realize what I'm doing and go "yuck"

cuz i'm the sickest with a capital "s"
even ask Napoleon Dynamite, he'd be like "yes"
I just threw that one in there to spice it up
your lines are drier then grains of rice in cup
cuz apparently it's bad to have dryness in lines
like it's stupid to entertain your highness with mimes
cuz I hate mimes, I need some proper entertainment
like a crazy christian who practices insane lent
speaking of them, I love ash wednesday
"yo buddy you've got ash on your forehead and it's gray"
they sure don't like it when you mock their religion
my arguments are surgery, my rhymes the incision
but back to poking fun at everyone's favorite group
I use their holy book to whipe my butt after I poop
GRRR that's right I've evil and scary
bible pages with hair cuz my butt's hairy
If you love my lines so much then why don't you marry em'?
I'm the school bully bitch, so here's my books, carry em'

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

Now that I think about it, only chicks make people carry books
so then fuck it, I'm a chick with the prettiest looks
eerrr, maybe not, I think I'll back track that one
then read through my lines and go "yep I'm done"
cuz you know you're starting to run low on ideas
when you talk as if you're a hot chick named Mia
a fine asian woman who eats rice with her pet panda
she loves her country but she's just propanda
wait, what? I thought I was the asian girl
who speaks mysteriously and sold me a magic pearl
well I guess I'm not her, I'm the one who buys magic
my lines are confusing myself dude it's tragic
so anyways I bought this pearl from a girl
who said it came from the bottom of a pool of whirl
so it's really priceless, rare and exciting
it's a typefest and do I dare to keep writing?
of course! so back to the point of this tale
this pearl was so white that it looked pale
I brought it home and rubbed it all around
then a genie appeared with a loud popping sound
"I'm a genie, one wish and blah blah fucking blah"
what a bitch ass genie, I wanted 3 he was like "nah"
so I've got to make this wish good, what should it be?
ah, I know one that's bound to come true, you shall see
so I made my wish and the pear disappeared in a whisp
then I sat down, stop rhyming, and ate my magic food that was crisp

 

[Artie Lange]

2 percs, 3 beers and a bag a jerky
fucked a fat indian bitch with a case of herpes
witha red dot, she caught a head shot and made me a slurpee.
her turban was dirty, she fucked all night.
her skin was all brown and my jizz all white,its alright
been know to get perverse on a verse
snatch a dead bitches purse and smoke a blunt in the hearse

 

[LORD BENIS]

Oh no, it's the worst MC with the cheese
he's perverse, old, and stinky like he's got a disease
become ill-at-ease; or should I say dis-easy,
at the sound of his steez on the breeze
over the ruffle of leaves your momma screams,
"Lord Benis, please!
Just ram it in, and stop being a tease
I've been down here on all fours..."
okay, only three's
'cause momma's missing an arm
but got two funcional knees
Good Golly, Gosh, Jeez!
Your mom's Easy as E
she'll fuck anyone
you can go ask Jeeves

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

Yo I'm stoned so let's see what I can achieve
while between lines I hack, moan, and heave
actually I'm not that high, I took one hit, that's it
I'm not gonna lie. Green bowl bong tokes are the shit

so I need something to describe, observational raps
hmm...I've got nothing to hide but I hate phone taps
they make me jumpy and nervous like I just swam laps
I can hide in Mexico but the water gives me the craps
Cheap beer here, that blue ribbon Pabst
tastes good and there's card faces under the caps
Collect all 52 and you'll probably collapse
cuz 6 gallons of beer will put you into comatose naps

alright, enough of that one ending rhymes stuff
trying to come up with more words to flow is rough
so now I'll go back to the two line thing
and read through your rap and ask "what you gonna bring?"
an improper sentence because I couldn't fit more
but if you can't type good then just walk out the door
cuz this shit is pathetic, dr seuss shit i'm spittin'
online only and hypothetically loose written
I can go on forever cuz I'm in that zone
but I'm gonna bounce now and take out a loan
actually not really, i'm just gonna do the phone, make it moan

know what i'm sayin?

 

[Blackstone]

No, Jaco, I have no idea what you're sayin
But it's all good as long as the saliva is sprayin
In other words that means the rhymes that are spitten
It can be freestyle or the kind that are written
The flow in me is like poetry that comes out as spoken word
It's so easy like ABC or counting first second and third
We don't have to impress like we're runnin for election
Just say what's on your mind in the Toker's Den section

 

[LORD BENIS]

Lord Benis for president
please get out and vote
no, not a legal resident
came in on a boat,
in the shape of a fruit
presently preachin' from the podium
promisin' everyone loot
pay no attention to the flip-flops
but peep his Armani suit!
and who cares about the shit that he did in the past
have you heard the master plan to fill your pockets w/ cash
come on man, please, you really believe that trash
how long you think all that money will last
besides, where's he gonna get it from, selling ass?
Of course not you weirdo, he's gonna legalize grass!
Marijuana, Herb, Ganja, Pot, Reefer;
Announce through the speakers
Lord Benis is strongest, all the others are ...
...frail, or maybe just fake
blind date election so let Benis dictate;
you can call him dictator
'cause soon he'll rule you from the dark side
similar to Darth Vador
and even Ralph Nader couldn't save ya'll now
your third party is over
it's the Thoght Police
Pow!!!

 

[WAMEN]

you guys are so funny when you spread your rhymes
that i got problems sitting on my WC reading High-times,
im prolly the worst rapper in this world you know
but when i hit the green bong everybody's like wow

 

[solrebl]

So much trouble in the world
People lying in the dirt
Waiting for God to save us,
Imagine a country of 80% poverty
living on the edge of a war,
Seeing guns around every corner
this ain't a democracy... it's a farce
so yeah come arrest me
Cuz I smoke pot and sport dreadlocks
I'll simply leave it to Jah
For that is how I live this life
For today,
Cuz Lord knows what tomorow might bring.

 

[solrebl]

Dreaming of another country,
Jump on the plane,
Fly out of this country,
But I can't
Gotta learn how to love this country
With its culture and animosity
So fuck you, what is "normal"?
I'm just taking my life to the highest level
So fuck off and go piss yourself sick!
LoL...

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

^^ Uhh....nice try lol...


woohoo it's saturday time to light up that kush
and give that smelly vagina a good douche
do it all fast, i wanna hear the "woosh"
of the bottle going fast, make her moan like a moose
hard to make that sound if she's loose
if it still stinks repeat it for numero deuce
that's not spanish but it's whatever you choose
after i'm done with this i'll go on a cruise
and punch a Jamaican to give him a bruise
then slow down my rhymes like it's ooze

*edit* tonight i'll hit up the booze
and did you hear the news?
I get to install seat cushion on the church's pews!
with bonus points from god you can't lose
so i can get into heaven before all of you's

 

[Guest]

Yo bro, where you goin' with that flow?
If ya wanna get down and dirty, this bitch might consider gettin' flirty,
But you need to get some class boy, you talkin' out yo ass boy,
You got them foul tongue fuzzies pollutin' your style, and ain't no woman gonna want to walk that mile.
I got diamonds in my brain, my intelligence is insane, got class from head to toe, and I ain't jammin' on your nasty flow. Clean your mouth out with soap, light one up and huff that dope, but man oh man....you missin' that education, you and most everyone in that cheesy nation.
Now this lady's gonna get...y'all go on and continue the sweat....
Fly Boys.

 

[Artie Lange]

JMJ bring the kush, while i supply the haze
the combo will have your eyes lookin chinky for days
but punchin a jamican's not a good idea
unless you were a fag, the only thing they fear
homophobic rasta smoke spliffs and light the chalice
when secretly they desire their friend's irie phallas, ive had it
i cant take no more, get baked at 4, take a quick weed nap and get baked some more
just puttin a new stern show on my ipod
im a white kid from the subaurbs that never wore izod
most internet kids step to me like "yo, i hard"!
so take them toi the movies cuz its time to die hard.
i like a petite girl,wth big tits and her feet nice
but lets get back to the rastas that be smokin the meat pipe
sit round actin like kings in the jungle, once the light go out they take it up the bunghole

i mean the shitpipe , this shits nice , considerin i just woke up
bout to take a jamaican shower,while i wash i toke up.

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

I'm deeply sorry for any female I've offended
but I'm in the process of getting my DNA blended
my clones have vaginas but it wasn't intended
I had sex with my clone violently but his wounds I mended

so no need to despair, I'm not dissing the ladies
but my clones are more gay then a bathouse in the 80s


*edit* I got raped by a Jamaican, that's why I dissed
it was a violent encounter involving my ass and his fist
I swung at him once but dammit I missed
that's one more time I've been raped to add to the list lol

*edit #2* Ah god dammit, you bickering dudes got my thread closed
"Who here hates religion" is now discarded and disposed
well thanks a lot for not respecting others opinions
the moderators locked it cuz this is there dominion
maybe next time you'll learn to grow up instead
cuz i know i won't make a new touchy subject thread
some people here can't handle it, can't comprehend
that some people have differing viewpoints until the end
it doesn't matter if they're dead wrong but whatever
I'm content with knowing that I'm more clever
but yeah, there's a new thread to love religion
I posted once and didn't hate which is a good decision
cuz that thread is going to erupt in a huge debate
about who's religion is best, who's got the right fate
oh well, heave a sigh. we'll find out when we die
eternity should begin and end with getting high

 

[Artie Lange]

how could this be?im smokin on some haze
then i check on the foums, this threads ontha 3rd page
comecloser and feel my rage
this threads the shit,thats my word
sincerely ,artie the fat guinea nerd

 

[LORD BENIS]

Like silk sheets I'll bring this thread back in style
'cause I heard ya'll were scared
and haven't posted for a while
Sig Heil! Lord Benis 'cause he's the Creator
dropin' seed in all the ladies, you're a religious masterbator
So don't hate the player, just hate the game
and it's name is called "life", so plase refrain
from all the blasphemous rap before he makes it rain
40 days and 40 nights 'till all ya'll drown
Round 2
He's lookin down from higher ground
all the people gather round in the town square
He's got a new set of rules that he'd like to share
So pull up a chair, prepare yourselves, and just be aware
that it's a single lesson, thought out of despair
Nevermind, I forgot, don't even care
Truth or Dare?
Do you belive Lord Benis is trill?
If not, then I dare you to test his rhymin' skill.

 

[Artie Lange]

lord benis, went to store to cop some more penis
he found a bushel and picked the greesnest,or was it the meanest?
either way ima genius
playing the godfather for ps2 keeps me busy after work
i like to ride my bmx when my back dont hurt
my mind is going blank havent smoke since 4:30 this mornin
i could give 2 shits ,so i took 2 hits ,left for work and keppt yawnin
bout to pack the bong, feel the smoke in the chamber
sold most of my 8th bout to smoke the remainder, liek a lion ill tame ya
talk shit to youre friends im sure to defame ya

 

[LORD BENIS]

With this freestyle thread I'll knit a funky sweater
Lord Benis the seamster, no one could do it better
so grab your letter opener, express delivery message
from the union teamsters, first class postal package.
What could it be, platinum thimble for his thumb
or a nasty prank by some dang crumb-bumb
open up, let's see, what do we have here
my new sewing needles, and a six-pack of beer!

 

[Guest]

gettin ready for a long ass day at work, slippin on my shoes while on these forums i lurk.nobody tells me what to do I am my own boss/ i aint part of your crew cuz his salad you toss/ your gay u a homo and i hit trees like im sonny bono. u smoke trees like im on one note yo fuck publicity i give a fuck about ur vote/ just hit this bong,light it, smoke... im on this hood shit u didnt toke if u didnt choke

 

[Artie Lange]

after i whoop your ass,here it comes the deeper sadness
im fuckin with this faggot by the name of reefermadness
i think that this kid is a cunt
129 post and been here for a month
just ate a whole bag of rolos ,damn im hefty
crack ya jaw righty than i switch to lefty,you wont forget me