Spit a Freestyle, it's worth your while

[Jam Master Jaco]

Nice dudes, nice


I burnt myself out from all this damn stuff
rhymes are hard to come by man it's tough
anyone remember the drug dog Scruff McGruff?
he wore a trenchcoat and told us drugs suck
cuz he molested me with words, told me he wanted to fuck
he wanted it kinky, me and him plus a duck
But I told him, "dude you're a damn shmuck"
then I told my uncle on him and he beat his ass, go Buck!

 

[SaintVicious]

Yo Jam mastah jacob its quite alright man
i seen you up in here flowin the best you can
everyone runs out of words eventually
i just pray i can keep spittin conceptually
cause thats what we do best down over here
put on an instrumental and break out the beer
roll up a fat ass swisher of some cali beast
we're gonna be smokin all night so we toke the least
so that when we get to the blackberry times white widow
we're already throwed off and ready to hit the pillow
nothin like a night of puttin trees in the air
sippin tanqueray and fuckin without a care
heat up the pool my nigga i wanna go for a swim
shit, whos that at the door, anyone think they know him?
oh damn thats that nigga grove from over thicket trail
let that fool in cause i think hes got my mail
alright yall, lets go ahead and turn the beats back up
someone else take the flow and lets see whats up

 

[Blackstone]

So I was sittin here alone just takin a few tokes
and I thought it would be funny to freestyle "yo mama" jokes
ok, so it's not all freestyle, some was pre-written
but I'm still having fun with the rhymes I be spittin
This is all in fun I don't mean to be unkind
But your mama's so bald, I can see what's on her mind
She's so out of touch, she still listens to disco
And the bitch is so greasy, when it's hot she sweats crisco
It was a bad childhood and I know the memory lingers
Mama took you to KFC to lick other people's fingers
Got a job at the carnival but broke the elephant scale
She has so many missing teeth, it looks like her tongue is in jail

Bring it!

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

So i'm looking to order seeds from seedbay
i want first generation shit and not a replay
bidding on some of that pine tar kush
don't bid against me you god damn douche!
cuz i really want to win em' and i'll bid super high
i'll get those beans if it's the last thing i do before i die
the pine tar and i'm looking at the diesel too
the seeds of which resemble weasal poo
so my list consists of diesel, pine tar, and the freebies
hopefully the free ones don't suprise me with heebie jeebies
cuz i'll make em my first grow, i can't grow now ya know?
my roommate is gay, he's a hoe for show D'oh!
my mistake for moving in with him, whoopsies
in the hospital i'll visit Tim and feed em' mushed peas
off topic again so i'll get back on track
seeds will grow into my own fat sacks
unless they get confiscated in the mail
green slips will make me turn pale
cuz that's not cool man that's my shit
confiscation will make me throw a hissy fit
Until then I've gotta decide the exact strains
cuz I'm one step closer to home growin' pains
Damsels and dames, life is just games
ending this shit is making me go insane

 

[moonshoes]

fuck da police
wish i had some grease
cook me up a burger
commit a cop murder
bust him in his head
then you know he dead
tec9 on my side
bitches want to ride
follow me I'll be yo guide
to the trees
bitch get on your knees
sting your ass like some killer bees
from africa
act a fool and I be smackin ya
and if you want smoke from me
ho it aint free
yea booyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeee!

 

[Guest]

shrikka shikka bllllbbllll
frit frit frikka frit
wika wika wee
(just scratching the vinyl)
i'm playin dj

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

shrikka shikka bllllbbllll
frit frit frikka frit
wika wika wee
(just scratching the vinyl)
i'm playin dj

Dope


Yo Winnie the Pooh is a straight up G
always stealing honey from the poor ol' bees
lived in the 100 acre wood and in a tree

we never learned the backround about his father
he only fucks around and says "oh bother"
he's a fuzzy dude and he never acts rude
not even live audiences to his show are booed
including that fact that he's got his friends
Christopher Robin and Tigger till the very very end
but off air he was rugged, he murdered mister beaver
tossed him and scrubbed him with a meat cleaver
I never met him but I heard hes fuckin' gruesome
always did drugs and when he got money he blew some
on weird shit like fundings for this really weird guy
who is gonna have to end this rap cuz he's too fuckin high

 

[Guest]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Funniest thread ever!

Get blazed and read this shit hahaha..

 

[Blackstone]

Man, trying to start a garden is such a bitch
I gotta worry about some fuckin sneaky narc snitch
Plus my beans never came and I'm out of cash
I guess I'll try bagseeds to grow my own stash
First things first, let's deal with that narc
Stalk him while he's sleeping and stab him in the dark
Hold his head underwater and drown him like noah's ark
The punk found out my bite's worse than my bark
OK, now how about that financial situation
It's essential to start up that crop of grass in my basement
My growing partner needs to cough up more dough
After all, I'm taking the legal risk, you know?
Now what's up with waiting a month with no beans?
This is slowest fuckin service I've ever seen
You can see by the situation I'm in a bind
All I got is shitty bagseed but I want to grow the kind


I'm messed up in the head from hittin the bongload
I trip until I'm dead from lickin the wrong toad
My initials are BS so don't believe anything I say
It's official, I'm dirty harry, so make my fuckin day
You see there, I told you, I'm lying already
I can't keep a poker face while tryin to rhyme steady
Damn I'm slowin down this shit ain't too easy
I'm movin on up with a bitch named weezie
Oh no, that wasn't nice, that's my favorite show
I'm fresh out of rhymes so I got to go

 

[Blackstone]

I thought of this while making microwave grits
I'll spit a filthy rhyme in your face with no regrets
P*ssy sh*t c*nt licker f*ck - sorry, I have Tourette's
That's what I said when I was piercin your mom's clits

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

My initials are BS so don't believe anything I say
It's official, I'm dirty harry, so make my fuckin day

hahaha yes!

I thought of this while making microwave grits
I'll spit a filthy rhyme in your face with no regrets
P*ssy sh*t c*nt licker f*ck - sorry, I have Tourette's
That's what I said when I was piercin your mom's clits

 

[rusto]

 

[Guest]

Ahhrite here goes number 1,

My name is red with a one four five
smokin this bowl cause i wanna get high
I dont give a fuck about your microwave grits
but ya got my atention when you mentioned clits!


LOL,,i'm in rite!!

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

You're in!


You're in to our super cool secret club
newbies attend the first meeting and supply the grub
just remember the code word is "la resistance"
we keep it down low so no one knows our existence
when you come to the door don't knock too loud
cuz my mom told me that only 3 friends are allowed
and if she finds out that i'm sneaking more in
she's gonna be pissed with an upside down grin

 

[Blackstone]

Dude, when your mom finds out shes gonna smack you
Leave a permanent mark on your ass just like a tattoo
Yellin and screamin and bitching and cursin at you
Just tell that bitch to shut her mouth and smoke a fat doob

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

SHHH!!! She almost heard you dissin'
she had her ear to the door, she was listenin'!
dammit I'm in super huge trouble now
gonna be grounded and my butt spanked, POW!
That'll teach me for being naughty little boy
i'm gonna fall apart emotionally like john gatti's brittle toy


*edit* "Just wait till your father hears what you've been rapping!"
Oh snap yo my mom is pissed! She's bipolar and snapping!
first she comments that these lines are dope
next second she's making a noose out of rope
then back to the happiness, smiles and cheer
man my behind is gonna end up as one sore ass rear

 

[Blackstone]

Nice!

Pretty soon you'll find me in the grower’s forum
I’ll harvest my own dank nugz instead of tryin to score ‘em
I’m smoking a glass pipe but I’m no crack fiend
No white powdery shit for me it’s a wack scene
I listen to rock but never use it to get lit
I laugh at stupid fools searchin the rug for their next hit
I’m getting off track, about the crack, I don’t mean to attack
And put anybody down but that shit will make you feel like a clown
Keep doing that rock and they’ll call you Bozo
But we all do stupid shit, I’ve snorted crushed up No-Doz
I’m not sure if there’s any cells left in my brain
I did way too much acid, inhaled whippets and butane
That and too much drinking almost made me go insane
Now I just stick to reefer and champagne
Oh shit I think that’s my whole life story
If I went into details this would be quite gory

 

[Blackstone]

I'll kick a dirty freestyle, then sing a pretty ballad
I'll leave your whole crew smoked out on my old school hippie salad
Lightweights can't deny Blackstone Valley bud's appeal
Bring the 6-footer bong cuz I got lungs of steel
My shit's got the stongest high, you weak bitches gonna feel
You've heard all the other fake shit, but Blackstone's the real deal
For all the newbie tokers, I'll give you some advice
But I must warn you this next part won't be nice
Rule 1 - tell no one about your growing operation
Not even that hot chick who offers you sweet pussy tastin
If the cops should find your crop and then you get arrested
You'll be sent to one of those jails where stoners get molested
After the cavity search you'll get to meet the other inmates
"I'm trying to pick the soap up, get that thing out of me you ingrate!"
Damn, that prison sex line was just sick like a disease
So try to avoid spending jail time down on your knees
So listen close my friends to the rhyme that was just written
Grow your crop but shut your mouth and keep that bud hidden

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

yo i'm a poker bluffin' bra stuffin'
man who's buffin
baked like a muffin
continually toughen
badass pillow fluffin'

spits crass lots o' body mass
fast pass smokes grass
spits sass

Poetic genius small penis
blunt an heinous
i'm the meanest
buds the greenest
body fat leanest
worships priestess

Jesus or hey zeus?
pieces of vaped goo
milky trichs make cows moo
what is it, that you do?
rap god or are you new?
you can accomplish, this too
my lines scare me, they say boo!

*edit* i'm tired not wired bedtime desired
not paid but hired, soon to be fired
stoner who is up all night, not my delight
the sun is bright but sleep will fight
gotta rest my best and don't rap pest
second guessed constant stressed
relax with rubbed backs and fat sacks
free knick knacks no attacks
just facts keep the the pacts
to the max eat at Jack's.

 

[Blackstone]

Watch where you’re walkin bitch don’t step on my suede shoes
You know that dude named BB? Well you’ll be singin the same blues
Givin props to the kings of blues and rock, both in the same rhyme
I’m droppin beats, headbangin and freestylin all at the same time
I’m a stunning cunning linguist, I never stutter on tongue twisters
Tell your sister to bring her kneepads or she’ll suffer from rug blisters
She told me “you can stick it there but don’t rupture my bung, mister”
I hope that rhyme doesn’t get me banned or otherwise blacklisted
I’ve got to kick this habit, I’m addicted to the nasty rap
“Dude, are you insane?” Damn, I hate it when they ask me that!
I’m not insane I just have a couple screws loose
I guess I need a screwdriver and some other kinds of booze juice
You heard me bartender, a shot of OJ in a glass of vodka
“Sorry, dude, you’re shut off – you’re drunk and plus you’re off you’re rocker”
Better yet I’ll take it easy and just chill with a cold brew
I’ll show you the best weed spot but don’t say I told you
As you know, my name is Stone and I smoke like Bob Marley
My bud is fuckin sweet like a chocolate factory, Charlie