Spit a Freestyle, it's worth your while

[bartender187]

yo they call me bartender
busy like fender benders
throw you in a whirl like a blender,
you nearly croke
from that wicked blunt smoke
pass on out
on the couch
eyes get heavy
and u begin to slouch

 

[Blackstone]

yo they call me bartender
busy like fender benders
throw you in a whirl like a blender,
you nearly croke
from that wicked blunt smoke
pass on out
on the couch
eyes get heavy
and u begin to slouch

Are you that same bartender that refused to serve me?
What do you mean I'm drunk, that's too absurd, BT
Everybody knows my name like Norm and the postman
I have to get real drunk so I can have sex with Roseanne

(next part not freestyle)
Time to stop the bullshit and crap I be pilin
I’ll make you laugh like the midget from Fantasy Island
But I’m larger than life and he’s just a small fry
I’m puffin blunts while doin stunts like the fuckin Fall Guy
I’m out of this world like ET, a cool dude from Saturn
I fuck my cousin with VD like two Dukes of Hazard
This rhyme is about TV but it might be too scattered
I might mention some other shit to keep it loose like the Mad Hatter
I’m crude like Archie Bunker I’ll leave your face beet red
I’ll wound you like a trucker with a tire iron, you meathead!
Then leave you stranded with no food like you were on Survivor
I would win that game show if my last name was Magyver
Another good one was the show with Steve Irwin
Done in by a stingray but the priest spoke a sweet sermon
Jack had two roommates but he couldn’t fuck em
Four fine titties but he just couldn’t suck em
If I was him I’d go see Mrs. Cleaver
Make her my mistress and leave with this beaver
Then I’ll shoot that bitch Ward down like Matt Dillon
You’ll choke on my gunsmoke, I’ll be puffin mad chillin

 

[LORD BENIS]

Ahoy hoy...
it's the Benis,
the meanist, the cleanist, rap rhymin' machinist
got all the IC gals all over his....
...stem; stare at the girth,
lines so dope known to cause a dang stillbirth;
better yet a C-Section,
cut a Phillie open & dump out the breadin',
stuffing that is, I'm the Lord of the Flies fellas,
'cause I'm murdering kids;
But hold up, wait, stop the the show
now I'm spittin' written shit that I already know,
bitten off a man named Immortal Technique,
and he probly ain't feelin all the words that I speak;
'cause all my rhymes are weak, and I type real slow,
I'll pass the proverbial mic and let the next man flow....

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

Your name rhymes with penis
i say this cuz i'm henious
jam master from the start
i'm thinking this so don't retart
or get smart or brain fart
and think with your heart not your wits
as deep as it gets, fingers with tips
spit what you think you know
and recognize you say but can't flow
black like a crow, rollin in dough
no po po will strike joe blow
i tend to my plants in my garden, HO!
har har i rule on the top not low
meeting adjourned, i gotta go

 

[LORD BENIS]

Yo yo
Jam Master Jaco
my rhymes es el gordo
and yours is skinny flaco
Jacob, Wake Up or Waco
burn you down in a blunt
like Fidel Castro....
you lookin' soft, puney, weak, and sick
your brain fart smells like shit
similar to burnt, microwave grits
you P*ssy sh*t c*nt licker f*ck - sorry, I have Tourette's
but hit the brakes, halt, screeeech
I can't stop ridin' dicks
but kinda like Blackstone says
I have no regrets
except for the kid I had with your mom;
Oh, wait..... she ain't told you yet???

 

[Blackstone]

Please kid, stop, you're making me laugh
I'll take that 2-headed eagle and rip him in half
What’s all this rhyming about stillbirths and C-sections
That’s what your mom gets from ridin my E-rection
I’ll bust out a cessarian like a medieval barbarian
I got some strong smoke, I’m Conan the Rastafarian
But your just a librarian, using recycled lines
“I will not bite rhymes” - please recite that 10 times
Do your thing and be original that's the prime rule
That concludes the first lesson in Blackstone's Rhyme School

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

^^ Dope


I'll try to be lyrical but only end up spiritual
god given miracle, don't even fear a bull
nothin' can stop me till somebody pops me
or a warrant tops me and the man cops me
hypocritical i'm not, cliche is the line about shootings
despicable pot relays through Daffy Ducks rootings
my lines are looping like gays in the army trooping
lowly i'm stooping down to the false king
my lines make me eternal inverted and infernal
when i burst like a popcorn kernal
rap it up like its christmas tell your friends they missed this
whipped it out and pissed this, do ya get the gist miss?

 

[Blackstone]

Eulogy for a wack rhymer (pre-written)

Eulogy for a wack rhymer (pre-written)

I’ll throw out a poem for the dearly departed
Bros with no flows are severely retarded
But I give you a prize anyway like a special Olympian
Cuz you monkey around like an exceptional simian
Next to my intellectual, your rhymes look mindless
Come back when you evolve and grow a backbone, spineless
I’m timeless because I’m spiritually ahead of my time
I don’t need to freestyle, I meditated these rhymes
Cuz I’m a ruder version of budda with a hooter and a red eye
I’m a looter and a polluter, a false prophet and master jedi
For those about to spit the next rhyme, I salute you
I’m a tough act to follow, for the rap crown I’ll dispute you

 

[WAMEN]

you guys are having fun i see..

 

[Blackstone]

you guys are having fun i see..

Yes, it's a lot of fun - you gonna join us and make up a rhyme? Here's one I thought of just now while driving home.

When I rhyme, I spit something worse than scary
Like how I got drunk and knocked up a virgin, mary
She said "won't you please pop my hurtin cherry"
I said "you must be horny" She said "Yes sir, very..."

Now it's official, I'm going to hell

 

[WAMEN]

good one.. but yes.. that will be your destiny.. you blasphemous dude

 

[Blackstone]

I just realized, I can't go to hell because I'm an atheist.....but I will try to stay away from religious topics. I hope nobody is offended - it was just for shock value like Passion of the Christ or Marilyn Manson, Madonna, etc. Nothing personal intended.

 

[WAMEN]

yeah youre pretty much right when you say that.. terrorist topics are well appreciated instead

 

[Guest]

shrikka shrikka shrick
frizz frizz all right now
frit frik shhikfrik
fffsshhh fffsshhh
all night now
blut blik drik flissshhhh

dj ashy knuckles
back in the house!
spinnin on the ones and twos
so don't hide like a mouse
y'all get up off your keasters
and move around to this beatster
but ya aint gonna all feel it
some might even act like a prick
but you haters get under my turntables
and start sucking on this DICK!

shrikka shrikka shrick
frizz frizz all right now
frit frik shhikfrik
fffsshhh fffsshhh
all night now
blut blik drik flissshhhh
frit cha frit cha
ffffffflitttt
weeka weeka wik.
boon dune foon
it's thorodee!
(insert sound of scratching record in complete circle, cuz i can't spell it)
FIN

 

[Jam Master Jaco]

like the mongoose Rickki tikki tikki
here comes thorodee with that sticky icky
picky friskey jockey of the disky, it's risky
taken a chance but he hasn't dissed me
but he pinned me down to the ground and kissed me
i feel uncomfortable and dirty
like the time my redneck uncle said i look "purty"
that's the mispronunciation of "pretty"
and that redneck was greasy and gritty
squeezed my titty, it was such a pity
that our relationship wasn't in the city

backwoods retards play poker with free cards
i'll take their crotch and knee hard
so their happiness will discard
did I mention yet that I'm hard?
not sexually but like a thug G
that's a lie I gives hugs free
I'm a captain of the college submarine
my shipmates are students and i'm the dean
i never actually got molested as a teen
but I enjoy pretending as if I'm mean
If I'm not fat I'm lean, this bud is green
Next I wanna hear a rap from Charlie Sheen

 

[LORD BENIS]

But Charlie Sheen's been too busy exposing the truth
about Al Queda and America
informing the youth,
on GCN radio, yeah I know,
all those commercials are weak
but I do like the Alex Jones Show;
though his frantic speach
may sound crazy to some,
it can't compare to how loco my freestyle has become
cause I'm speakin' in tounges, foriegn languages, code
"supercalafragilisticexpealidocious, his freestyle is cold"
and I'll still be ill 'till I'm old and grey
but wouldn't die from it, 'cause on my final day
stab myself in the back
call it foul play

 

[Artie Lange]

get home from work im vexed,
so i drank a beer and took 2 percocets
my back is hurt but i still gotta work,
or else ill lose my house and my shirt
off my back yall dudes are wack
come to new england i wont even serve you a sack.
just kidding, i stays off the top not written,no bullshitten
feeling dizzy from the booze and opiates
once it takes over theres no controllin it
my arm is fucked up , some real swollen shit
call the doctor now i need to be going quick
this thread is the shit,dont ever forget
go head and tattoo the post # on the back of ya neck

 

[Artie Lange]

keep spittin, cuz my brains is full of power
i try smokin,shittin, and spittin at 15 to every hour
sippin on a bar harbor blueberry ale
ill crack ya fuckin spine cuz ya bones are very frail
from lack of lactose,ya back broke,now your neck is touchin your asshole.


work was shitty today , people frontin and fakin at me
so now im bout to eat a spicy jamaican patty
i forgot to say beef but you knew what i meant
these are some of my thoughts but i cant make a dent

 

[WAMEN]

lol its getting serious

 

[Blackstone]

Oh yeah Wamen, damn right it's getting serious
The IC rhyme thread can make a man delirious
Come say a verse if you read this and you're curious
So come and join the party and don't be mysterious