Man, I don't know if I even want to do this anymore

[Lapides]

Thanks, but I think I'm good on the L. I've taken enough to know that I'll be high for 8 hours and feel nice about the experience for a week or so.

There is not anything near or around me that is of the purity that I would feel comfortable taking enough of for something that's really going to change me...if I really even believe that it could/would do so.

Thanks for the criticism and advice.

 

[whateverman]

Spend 2 months in a middle class 9-5. Apply, interview, and do it for real.

In time, listen to the boys- most of them older, invariably- talk about their imaginary dreams of retiring some day. An Island. A mountain. Whatever.

Listen to them talk about religion, knowing that deep down they don't believe, but their gross, aging wife doesn't get them excited. They have no money. They have mediocre (read: disappointing) kids who got them in a place where they have no choice outside of suicide to live in this delusional fantasy.

Go home and think about how delusional and sad and miserable they are.

Then think about the fact that you weren't born with a silver spoon, just like them.

Then think about the fact that despite what your mother said, you're not some rare intellectual tech genius on the verge of selling a cool app for 8 figures. You're just some guy...like them.

Give it a week to sink in.

I suspect you'll realize (as I did) that it's worth taking risks in this life. It really, really is.

It's worth feeling like a scumbag, loser degenerate pot grower who couldn't hack corporate life- which is what society thinks of us, by the way- while you sulk in a prison cell. You can do a few YEARS with your held held high, making the best of it (ask me how I know..)IF...

IF that feeling you get, when you're alone in your (fill in the blank...shitty house, middle class house, great house) is unparalleled...knowing you can wake up at noon tomorrow if you want, pet your dogs then go back to bed...or make a full day of it! your call!

Does making your own schedule, being a truly free man, make you feel a feeling of happiness you can't even describe?

...THAT is freedom.

...On the other hand...if you feel GREAT with social solidarity. If the feeling of respect you get from your neighbors really impacts your mood. If you want a greater number of people to say nice things about you at your funeral. Then you should get a "real" job.

Don't feel this way?

Nonviolent crime is the only way. Throw in the perk of giving life to a truly beautiful plant that genuinely makes people feel good and you're living the dream...warts and all..

This grower shit is beyond lonely for most of us who aren't irresponsible with our lips. It's why we post here. The risks are real and here we are, because a huge percentage of us live lonely lives.

Is it worth it?

Shit. Of course. It's freedom most men born into middle class/poverty couldn't even dream of.

 

[Andyo]

herd influence

herd influence

Its all pretty obvious,.
All your failings are same as many others.
Step back and look .
leave the herd behavior .

Growing was my defiance and individual choice and discovery,and im very good at it the only sad thing is its a herd thing now
40 yrs ago i didnt know any other growers ,it suited me fine.A

 

[mojave green]

I don't know what made you think you even might.

Try as you may, you will never have a seat at the cool kids' table.

Ah yes, the cool kids table. Most of them ended up in jail, unemployed, and not so cool.
Always a seat at the cool kids table if you can fit in.

 

[theHIGHlander]

Always put pressure on the player to your left.....
I got $25 million playing online poker....it is play chips though lol...but still always pressure to the left...
I don't think much will come of it ,but still I wish all the best with it...we wouldn't get anywhere in life if wee didn't try..



Keep it green
Highlander

 

[k-grower]

you sound depressed, i got those feelings too like everybody else sometimes - life seems time to time endless hamster wheel or rat race whit out any noble reason, the most common way to deal it is set some goal to archive and work for it, endlessly. i believe this is cause the school system is faulty and teach "worth" of human by achievement´s.

have you ever read about eugenic´s? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugenics (i know bad link for real info)
a brainwash technique which the most schools even today are using, basic´s of the system is early morning wake up´s to keep children in fatigue state and task them to do different task´s which as little or non to do whit real life, goal is forget their personal well being for sake of the greater good and community and program them to act as told whit questioning ethical values, as an perfect tool" to someone to use to their purpose´s which includes the rewarding/punish system which will cause in 15 -20 r years to get person to feel that he have obligation to please authorities and have some responsibility to continuously produce something or level up mentally.

i use old zen wisdom as mantra to break the spell , which is
" all you got to do is eat, poop and sleep and little gardening"
anything else got nothing to do whit you.

as reading your post you seem to have all what you need, place to live, person to love you, herb to medicate you, a job which can be most stress free job´s exist in this planet, food to eat.

you sure to get all vitamins beside that green vitamin? a vitamin deficiency can cause depressive feelings, gotta remember to eat carrots and sunflower seeds if you are vegan or vegetarian and iron deficiency can cause anemia and first signs are usually is depression and mood swings, deficiency of d vitamin can have similar affects as well.

also i´v had very bad feelings from some of the weed strains, which i blame from the depression feelings - i usually get from very high thc content strains which has very low levels of cbd, cbn and various oils on it, some of those strains have driven me to complete perdition,as moving to uplifting and energizing sativa´s or hybrids mainly sativa gene pool has taken all these bad feelings away.

if any of the upper wont help, i suggest to farm other plants and keep one or two plants for your own stash, don´t sell or buy.
i think everyone in some point of their lives as pot grower/ smoker has had enough all the doubt´s and heat and it´s good time to move along in life.

edit: i just get so frustrated when this sites decide´s to log me out in middle of writing post, and i notice it when i´m posting an reply...
also here is few good mixes´s to easy your frustration, i hope you like them as on me they work as therapy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDL1tFsSeWI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrO9PTpuSSs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTH7XefE85A

 

[St. Phatty]

Man, I'm a fucking mess. I don't know if I'm bi-polar or what. I've seen a psych a bunch and have never been diagnosed as such, but man, I dunno.

I've wasted half of my life growing this fucking plant. I've been arrested, on probation, and in prison because of my irresponsible involvement with it.
...

I guess the only thing I can do right now is cut more clones, trim this weed I have dried, and keep on keeping on.

Fuck my life.

I just had to get some shit off my chest, thanks.

reminded me of Orange is the New Black.

i stopped getting that on Netflix. but not because the writing was bad, because it was more like a women's country club, didn't seem real.

but if you write more ... i'll read it. it's REAL.


actually though, in corp. America, there's a lot of managers & execs who are former growers.

especially in Silicon Valley.

you started and ran your own business - against all odds (or at least, a fvcked up gov't) - that's GOOD, not bad.

 

[DuskrayTroubador]

Spend 2 months in a middle class 9-5. Apply, interview, and do it for real.

In time, listen to the boys- most of them older, invariably- talk about their imaginary dreams of retiring some day. An Island. A mountain. Whatever.

Listen to them talk about religion, knowing that deep down they don't believe, but their gross, aging wife doesn't get them excited. They have no money. They have mediocre (read: disappointing) kids who got them in a place where they have no choice outside of suicide to live in this delusional fantasy.

Go home and think about how delusional and sad and miserable they are.

Then think about the fact that you weren't born with a silver spoon, just like them.

Then think about the fact that despite what your mother said, you're not some rare intellectual tech genius on the verge of selling a cool app for 8 figures. You're just some guy...like them.

Give it a week to sink in.

I suspect you'll realize (as I did) that it's worth taking risks in this life. It really, really is.

It's worth feeling like a scumbag, loser degenerate pot grower who couldn't hack corporate life- which is what society thinks of us, by the way- while you sulk in a prison cell. You can do a few YEARS with your held held high, making the best of it (ask me how I know..)IF...

IF that feeling you get, when you're alone in your (fill in the blank...shitty house, middle class house, great house) is unparalleled...knowing you can wake up at noon tomorrow if you want, pet your dogs then go back to bed...or make a full day of it! your call!

Does making your own schedule, being a truly free man, make you feel a feeling of happiness you can't even describe?

...THAT is freedom.

...On the other hand...if you feel GREAT with social solidarity. If the feeling of respect you get from your neighbors really impacts your mood. If you want a greater number of people to say nice things about you at your funeral. Then you should get a "real" job.

Don't feel this way?

Nonviolent crime is the only way. Throw in the perk of giving life to a truly beautiful plant that genuinely makes people feel good and you're living the dream...warts and all..

This grower shit is beyond lonely for most of us who aren't irresponsible with our lips. It's why we post here. The risks are real and here we are, because a huge percentage of us live lonely lives.

Is it worth it?

Shit. Of course. It's freedom most men born into middle class/poverty couldn't even dream of.

This post gave me the feels.

 

[FunkBomb]

I've found over the years that time spent away from reefer can be just as good as time spent with it. I mean consumption not growing. The mental haze starts to go away and thinking becomes faster.

Another thing to consider is hard physical exercise. Biking, running, or hard workouts in the gym. If you're feeling lethargic go do one of those. You will feel great afterwards. If you make it part of your weekly schedule it will turn you around mentally and physically.

The stress from working a 9-5 with all the BS associated with it is far more depressing than the problems growing/moving reefer. No idiotic co-workers to listen to and have to interact with, no sell out moron bosses who act like they care when they could care less, no policies meant to make you more of a slave, the list could go on forever. The point is that you need that drill seargant mentality from yourself. You need to get your cloning system going? Do some research and get cloning. Learn from your mistakes. Plants arn't going to clone themselves. Your veg room is a mess? Take everything out, clean it, put it all back in.

You should look into Mindfulness. A buddhist monk named Thich Nahn Hahn has a bunch of books on the matter. I think you might enjoy them. Or not. That is up to you.

-Funk

 

[stoned-trout]

don't try and take away my mary jane .. it will get ugly....... do what makes ya happy..growin till I am dying...I used to know a bunch of gamblers doing it for their income when I lived in las vegas...a few did great most had ups and downs.. some bad downs too...me I just play some now an then...when I played the poker machines the cocktail waitresss whatever could point you to machines that pay better than others if you get friendly with them and tip em good when you hit that royal flush...I used to go to a place far from strip called the continental sp?... and had me such a cutie..play from midnight to 5 am or so...yeehaw .. did very well and so didn't she..

 

[Baked Alaskan]

I quit growing over a year ago and bought a bar. Can't tell you how bad I miss growing and will get back to it asap. Now I work 12 hour days, even today and tomorrow because nobody wants to work on a holiday. Anyone want to buy a bar, its for sale ��

 

[stoned-trout]

if I owned a bar I would never go home... no thanks....yeehaw...if your ever selling a strip club cheap let me know cause then I would be ok with staying there all the time....I would be available for interviews 24/7 365

 

[rives]

It is possible to make a pretty good living at poker, if not too probable. After my parents divorced, my Dad said fuck it to conventional employment and made his living playing Low Ball at the Gardena cardrooms. Better have a plan on how to move jewelry, though. When he died, we found several Crown Royal sacks full of rings on a shelf in his closet.....

 

[Mikell]

I don't know what made you think you even might.

Try as you may, you will never have a seat at the cool kids' table.

Oh fuck yeah! With the Supreme Court on your side now, no one can stop you from marrying that special person.

 

[Crusader Rabbit]

Then you should get a "real" job.

Don't feel this way?

Nonviolent crime is the only way. Throw in the perk of giving life to a truly beautiful plant that genuinely makes people feel good and you're living the dream...warts and all..

Victimless crime ...