House caught fire

[herbgreen]

With an injury like that and observing this behavior around you as a sober person might look at this as an opportunity to knock off drinking period for good

head injury and drinking will never go well together

although it will heal over time and its 2 and 1/2 yrs probation sounds like... you can do that

Interesting how your life seems to parallel 'trailer park boys' kind of surreal maybe stop watching that fucking show

Anyway, social security It depends if that injury is permanent which I hope not but get with the doctor and find out and get the documentation out to SSI

If its legit and documented it might only take a few months

On the other hand thats not really a good way to live You got a good life ahead of you

No sense in doing anything revenge wise The best revenge.... Living well my friend

Post all you need to on here All is well....enjoy life all you can and build for tomorrow



,

 

[shithawk420]

It's interesting because I chose Leahy on purpose.i don't drink like him anymore but I did.i think Leahy is the perfect poster boy for alcoholism.i don't watch Trailer Park Boys anymore for a couple of reasons.All the drinking is one of them.my quote " The only difference between me and you is a couple of drinks" is also there for a reason.im normal for the most part but put the liquor in me and I'm evil.alcohol is evil in the wrong hands.my life is proof of that.Leahy is a great guy when he's not drinking.but put 1 drink in his hand he's a dick.i wish I never touched the stuff.some people can handle booze.Leahy and I can't.thats why I chose my Avi.its not a mistake

 

[shithawk420]

Hey Shit... if you are on probation you can go to your probation officer and tell him/her that you are in an unsafe environment and they will place you in safe housing.

Surely you can get to your probation officer? You need to report once a month, yes?






.

My probation officer said I live in an unlivable environment.told her I lived in my garage so I could get my probation transfered to the county my house is at.i assumed my house would be livable by then.wether I can get to my PO is questionable at best.i just got out of detox and I already need to go back.my organs are starting to fail.i haven't even drank that much and I feel like I'm dying

 

[Gypsy Nirvana]

Alcohol is a poison man - most people don't drink enough to let the poison rot their bodies and minds as much as what you have been doing - by the sounds of it - a good way out is to start exercising - substitute the booze with some hard physical exercise - and sweat that crap right out of your system - and every time you feel the need to poison yourself with booze again - drop and give me 20 or 30 pushups - run around the house a few times - start working on cleaning it all up - stay active physically - and as long as you eat well - your mind will improve along with your body -

 

[herbgreen]

Well. we are All wishing you well mr Leahy


I hope the next few days are better......

 

[shithawk420]

Thanks Gypsy and herbgreen.im trying.ive been doing better on the drinking.but the abuse is getting worse.i just want to be left alone but I can't get respite.id almost rather be in prison.i already am in a way.

 

[shithawk420]

Forgive me Moose but that story of the woman who made that beanie with the propeller made me feel good because of her name.Did you ever see that Cartoon called Beanie and Cecil? Beanie had a beanie propeller that made him fly.it was a good cartoon from before I was born.thanks for sharing that story.
I actually was gifted $20 in crypto currency by my brother but I forget my password to my stock.hell I could be rich and I don't even know it.reminds me of a story I heard a few years back.this homeless man had a bank account over 20 years ago.turns out with interest he had like over 20 grand waiting for him.i like stories like that.i hope he used the money to get back on his feet.

 

[CannaRed]

Sometimes 2 hots and a cot doesn't sound that bad after all.
Good luck shithawk, I hope you can move out and on with your life, and never look back.

 

[shithawk420]

Thanks CannaRed.i feel bad that I made this thread a pity party but you guys really have helped me and I really appreciate you guys.my buddy is hopefully gonna help me get shit done.ill hopefully have a game plan this week and go to Menards

 

[CosmicGiggle]

wether I can get to my PO is questionable at best.

i just want to be left alone but I can't get respite.id almost rather be in prison.i already am in a way.

it's Sunday, an opportunity/excuse to get to Church, hokey as it may sound but a start in walking away from the direction you are headed.

Think about it, WTF do you have to lose????

 

[Bobby Boucher]

I have an extremely tumultuous family history. I haven’t seen or spoken to my father in 15 years, and I have spent the last 10 trying to keep my mother from driving herself mad. They are both ex-crackheads with severe emotional instabilities.

My mother has credited me for her reformed behaviors, and I credit Adorno’s “dialectic of enlightenment” for giving me the insight I needed to locate the barbarism within myself that I needed to dissolve before I could be of any use to anybody on an emotional level.

If it weren’t for “Culture industry” and “dialectic of enlightenment”, I’d probably still be off somewhere crossing my eyes and diddling my lips. Highly highly recommended reading. Change your life, it will. I can email you the pdf’s if you’d like.

 

[Green Squall]

Hey Hawk. I find humor sometimes helps in shitty situations. My friend once broke his back from a seizure (partly self induced) and I told him he should go find a sweet ass cane. Seemed to cheer him up a bit and he actually did end up getting one, which he proudly strutted around with for the next few months haha. Anyways, you talking about sporting an eye patch reminded me of this Its Always Sunny Episode.

 

[moose eater]

Forgive me Moose but that story of the woman who made that beanie with the propeller made me feel good because of her name.Did you ever see that Cartoon called Beanie and Cecil? Beanie had a beanie propeller that made him fly.it was a good cartoon from before I was born.thanks for sharing that story.
I actually was gifted $20 in crypto currency by my brother but I forget my password to my stock.hell I could be rich and I don't even know it.reminds me of a story I heard a few years back.this homeless man had a bank account over 20 years ago.turns out with interest he had like over 20 grand waiting for him.i like stories like that.i hope he used the money to get back on his feet.

No need to forgive anything, 'hawk.

That story, a very true and real series of events, was supposed to be about feeling better. It was about positive human connection, even when we fear what others think about our looks, our history, etc. It was a rising Phoenix story in several ways.

Cess, from her losses, in need of finding youth to connect with a dead son, came to a place over-run with young hippie folks, and gave as much as anyone, in non-tangible gifts, and in turn, folks like myself got to connect to surrogate family that we very much needed.

And yeah, her idea for Smitty's beanie wasn't an original idea. But she pulled it off well.

Again, there's folks like that out there. Just gotta' find them. And it's not like I went to the Yukon thinking, "I'm going to find an Auntie Cecily." It was a gift that just happened. But we were open to it happening.

 

[moose eater]

'hawk, your replies to your on-line tauntress, are similar in dynamic (I strongly suspect) to your falling prey to the goading your father gives you.

There's a part of you that seems to believe that if you don't verbally reply, they will have won something from you, or taken your dignity. But you own more of you than you think you do, and there's nothing anyone can take away from you in value as a person that you don't allow them to take.

It's more likely that in your replying to them, buying into the nonsense, that you lose more than if you'd simply let them be asses, and ignored them.

Your fuse for such nonsense is clearly short, but when you blow up, you're the one who explodes, not them. Don't buy into it.

And trust me, I fully understand short fuses where bullshit is concerned.

 

[buzzmobile]

'Hawk a while back in this thread I offered vinegar to you as a cheap simple solution to killing mold. I missed a lot of your story, but I have read many of your posts. It is hard to see a way beyond the end of a nose sometimes.

Try the vinegar on a patch. Take hold of a smelly vinegary rag and scrub a 4" circle anyplace. It is a small thing. The 4" circle is your center and it is clean. There is your place to start. Clean the sink. Scrub the toilet. Brush your teeth. Stand up straight too while you are at it. When you get that done let me know how you feel.

Call AA, call a church any church. You have no idea how much positive energy is of your own making.

How do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time.

Get some rest.

 

[Iamnumber]

My probation officer said I live in an unlivable environment.told her I lived in my garage so I could get my probation transfered to the county my house is at.i assumed my house would be livable by then.wether I can get to my PO is questionable at best.i just got out of detox and I already need to go back.my organs are starting to fail.i haven't even drank that much and I feel like I'm dying

Probation sure makes thinks harder..


Was this 'unlivable environment' regarding your garage or your house?


Try to ask PO what exact issues conflict with 'unlivable environment' in where you were at that time and regarding your house (where you plan to live). List is kind 'must have' .. if there is some major issue like mold .. it might be too big issue to fix >> no point in using energy/ resources to fix the other (easier) things.



Is there any opportunity to get a job somewhere else and support from charity/ state/ chruch/ etc. to relocate there? I guess there might be more opportunities in larger town/ city .. if job search with boarder ran



If someone dose let you stay as guest, try to push your troubles out of your mind and smile and try to some extra house chores for them. Show them that you really appreciate the stay by easing their workload around the house. Most people appreciate such actions.



Try to avoid alcohol. it sounds like alcohol is connected to many issues in your life. It is safer to exclude it altogether than risk your host smelling alcohol on you/ your clothes + it cost money which you are in dire need.


Better fortunes for the future!

 

[Ringodoggie]

Just tossing this out....

Depression is one of the many issues that I deal with. Music can make a HUGE difference to me. If you find yourself extra angry or more depressed than usual, try a pair of headphones and some music from Pandora (or whatever). They say that Music hath the power to sooth the savage beast. If the savage beast is depression... I agree with them.

Doesn't really matter what kind of music. I like rock and roll. I listen to light jazz. I even feel less depressed when I listen to depressing music like Neil Diamond or Johnny Mathis. Pick whatever music you like.

I guess I have always known this but just recently I have found music running all the time in the background (Alexa and Amazon music) is much better than hearing the TV with all it's hate and ugliness.

You don't often hear people talking about sound/music thearapy but it sure seems to sooth my savage beast.

Like I said, just tossing it out.




.

 

[shithawk420]

,,,

 

[moose eater]

Sorry to read that, 'hawk. I truly hope you change your mind and find a way to discuss what you feel underneath the anger, etc., in a way that you can move on, but no one is in a position to do what you need done right now, but you; extremes, stress or otherwise, sometimes/often lead to extreme outcomes. Often without necessity. Desperation is not your friend. Leads to premature actions.

Wishing you'd had better models growing up. Now you're your own model. Please don't fuck it up.

 

[shithawk420]

I'm sorry Moose,what with the latest bD news recently but I see no other way around it.im gonna fail my piss test if I can even get there.my mom won't tell me if she is gonna fix the house.if I stay with my dad he's gonna kill me or call the cops on me again and I'll go to prison.my mom said I could stay with her then said no.i gotta kill myself.its the only way.i can't get. Job.im fucked .I'm not gonna get disability.im gonna do it.this is really my last post now.thanks for everything