House caught fire

[moose eater]

Seems fucked at the moment, 'hawk. For the UA, if they're not doing hair sample, etc., you might want to drink a LOT of unfiltered apple cider the evening before, not long before test-time, and then drink a shit-ton of H2O (preferably distilled or R/O if possible) before the test, but after the unfiltered apple cider.

If successful, your piss will be more clear than normal, which might draw suspicion, but if it's the right temperature, and there's no way they can accuse you of submitting a bogus sample (i.e., a prosthetic penis and/or heat-packed urine from elsewhere), then you've got a fighting chance on the UA..

Seems to me, I recall you not having much body fat, thus less residual THC, etc., in your body fat. That's in your favor, when it comes to the method described above.

The rest will come in time, if you choose to leave the area, or find someone to rely on other than those who have already shown you, time and again, that you can't rely on them.

You're drowning, and keep calling on those to help you who you know already can't swim; dad and mom.

 

[CosmicGiggle]

No need to cut off yer nose to spite fkd up Mon and Dad. If it's that bad and you have to get out, call the Suicide Hotline to come get ya and take you away, it's pretty drastic but it will get the ball rolling.

...... just make sure yer sober when ya do it and the 'house' is 'clean'.

......... and one more thing, good luck, we wish you the best - something about Live Long and Prosper.

 

[shithawk420]

I know guys.im sorry.but I need to get out of this house now! cant ask my parents to take me to a shelter.o ly option is wait to try and get a ride to take my things to my burnt up house and live there with no electricity,heat and an open roof.my PO said I can't live there so I don't know what they will do.its gonna be rough.at least I can walk in town to use the library and charge my phone..I'll try to turn the electric on for spece heaters.its either that or kill myself.theres nothing anybody can do about it.its better than going to prison or getting beat up again.if my buddy can live outside the train Depot in a blizzard I can do this

 

[CosmicGiggle]

Hey, Shithawk, I just flashed back to a sad time in my life, 1977 when someone I loved deeply committed suicide.

He was a failed artist working as a lowly, underpaid framer, living in a 5th floor garret apartment moments away from turning 50.

Called a friend/psychiatrist saying he was suicidal about his life and saw no way out and if he went back to the apartment he would kill himself.

Well friend takes him in for a week and he gets better, goes 'home' and immediately shoots himself.

The really sad part is it was totally unnecessary, depression is temporary if you can find a way out of the maze, he had many friends with resources who loved him and cared about him and woulda helped him outa the hole to find a new direction.

Just be on the lookout for that light at the end of the tunnel, it may be faint and far away but it's there calling to YOU.

 

[moose eater]

Some meaningful cliche' 'hawk, "The only way to know what tomorrow brings is to show up."

There'll always be a reason to not do something; stuff needs stored or hauled, folks won't act kindly, etc. In the end, the person who is going to help you up and out in the crux of it is you. You're gonna' have to be the parent for you.

If your kid came to you and presented as you have here, what would you tell them? Seriously.

 

[Iamnumber]

I know guys.im sorry.but I need to get out of this house now! cant ask my parents to take me to a shelter.o ly option is wait to try and get a ride to take my things to my burnt up house and live there with no electricity,heat and an open roof.my PO said I can't live there so I don't know what they will do.its gonna be rough.at least I can walk in town to use the library and charge my phone..I'll try to turn the electric on for spece heaters.its either that or kill myself.theres nothing anybody can do about it.its better than going to prison or getting beat up again.if my buddy can live outside the train Depot in a blizzard I can do this

anything to stop wind blowing through..


plastic, some wood (from discarded pallet)
nail one side to window frame.
pull taunt and nail other side.
then top and bottom.
plastic on out side and wood behind plastic (so it wont rot from water)


roof.. plywood would be the quick fix. better if you can seal it with silcon glue like sikaflex. I know you are strapped for cash and those cost money & not easy to find in small place. .. but that is the cheapest doable diy fix I can think of.


tarp or something over the hole is first step but that would not make it ' livable' for PO .


try to get detailed list from PO regarding what exact issues make it unlivable. stress that nice to live and unlivable (clear and present danger) are two very different things. (as is not up to build code.. that can be resolved over time - me thinks )


again.. make one room livable (sleep) and then kitchen.. atleast close all holes like window roof etc.



sorry I did not get the full picture from earlier posts.. closing holes like broken windows is first step.. then you can start worrying about heat.. as all heat will escape through broken window.


I am trying to what little I can to help. I am sorry if I come off as ahole for wording things bluntly. understanding issues and giving guide over net in text is hard as it is so wording it nice is secondary issue for me. Please do not be offended. Your situation is really bad .. I am not trying to kick you .. I am trying to give options for you to consider if they might work.


have a plan.
break it into small steps.
execute them one by one.
Find pride in the things you do and keep in mind that you managed to do the in adverse situation.


make an extra effort to stay away from alcohol and people who focus on alcohol (or other really hamfull drugs).

 

[shithawk420]

I'm so sorry guys.im really not trying to make people feel sorry for me but it's to the breaking point where I might snap.ive never gone full snap mode before so it's scaring me.i don't know what I'd do.its getting worse and worse.my dad keeps saying he's gonna help then he gets drunk and fights me and wants to beat me up.ive got a few hundred from bonds when my grandma died but my mom. Was in charge and she spent them so I can't even get basic materials.plus no truck and no one with a license to get it.the insanity is unreal.if I had data and wasn't so imbarrassed I could probably make money on YouTube just filming this.this is straight up Trailer Park Boys shit but 10x worse and I live in the middle of nowhere.i shit you not.my dad's vans transmission goes only in reverse just like Ricky's shitmobile.i swear I'm not lying.im trying to detox but my dad just bought a bunch of beer for the game tomorrow and I just wanna go to Oblivion.i can handle all pain but mental pain.i have absolutely no friends and no family willing to go the extra mile I need to get back on track.if I killed myself now I doubt my brother ND sister would go to my funeral.my buddy just paid 6 grand just to have his wife cremated.no body is gonna pay shit for me even if they could.i can't even get my medicine 15 miles away at walmart.but I'm not gonna kill myself till I get revenge.thats all I live for now.and I'm totally sane and justified in whatever I do.people have been doing it since civilization started.

 

[Ringodoggie]

People who kill themselves end up civil servants in the afterworld.


You don't want to be a city worker for eternity do you?






.

 

[shithawk420]

My buddy,who is a legit electronic genius wanted to kill himself for years cause he can't be around people wouldn't kill himself after he became a Catholic at 50 for whatever reason, wouldn't kill himself cause it's a sin.i don't care about that.ill get my revenge.without it I have no reason to live.i know it sounds like a book or mad Max movie but that's just the way I'm wired.im mad and I can't take it anymore.im basically sitting on a cornfield island dwelling on all the bad things people did to me.its all I got or I'll go insane.i have problems but I can assure you I'm perfectly sane.for the moment anyway.notice my mother doesn't even join in on this thread even though she's a member.shes seen me suffer my whole life but said and did nothing but drink coffee and smoke cigarettes.fuck her.

 

[Ringodoggie]

I've been wanting to kill myself, basically since I was about 9 years old. Did just about everything I could to make it happen some other way but never got lucky and just never got around to pulling the trigger, myself. I have spent most of my life feeling like you do right now so I am probably the only one here who wouldn't blame you one bit.

If you do decide to go that route, God bless you and may you make the journey with great strength. And, well, we'll see ya on the flip side.

Or..... GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW... RIGHT NOW.
WALK OR HITCHHIKE TO THE NEAREST CITY AND GO DIRECTLY TO ANY HOSPITAL.

They are required by law to take you in. Once in, they will assign a case worker and you will be on your way to a real life. Bigger cities have all kinds of help programs and they all exist for you.

Believe it or not... YOU HAVE A CHOICE. Only you can make the choice. You seem young enough, you should probably go for the life choice. But, what he fuck do I know, eh?




.

 

[Bobby Boucher]

Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo.

Google it. Understand it. Maybe chant it a little.

Life=(Problem+Solution).

 

[TychoMonolyth]

Hawk. Just pack two changes of clothes and deep six that life. Walk away. New page. No drinking at all. Start fresh. Head for the big city hospitals.

It's not easy or fast. Probably as hard as your life is now, but it's the path you need to take to start a new life. Ask yourself where you want to be n one year. With a new life or in the same boat you're in. Time will pass regardless. Where do you want to be when it has.

[Iframe1]YsH2In5r2sM[/Iframe1]

 

[CosmicGiggle]

Happy Aniversary

Happy Aniversary

I checked Ganjamama's posts and she hasn't logged in since early Sept.

I checked yours and noticed your 1st thread was 2/18/14 - Please Help

I checked this thread and it's been 5 mos.

So it looks like your situation hasn't changed at all except for getting worse - you've all (you, Mom and Dad) been doing the same shit that hasn't worked in the past and isn't gonna work now.

I believe that falls under the definition of insanity.

So since nothing has worked or is gonna work there are only 2 solutions and you know what they are.

Revenge and suicide is one exit strategy.

Being brave and flying off into the unknown is the other.

Do you want to fly or die?

Do you have a sense of adventure, are you curious what's out there waiting for you beyond the pain?

You're gonna make the jump into the unknown regardless so will it be the Abyss or will you say "YES" to life?

Life is a gift, especially in the human form.

Say YES to life, just MAKE THAT CALL, get out and start over.

Wadda you have to lose except for the misery that is your current life????

Come on Man, MAKE THE CALL!

 

[JustSumTomatoes]

Sorry to hear about everything you're going through SH, just stumbled upon this thread and had no idea of the hardship you were up against. Not trying to show pity, but compassion. Family issues on their own are enough to make anyone pull their hair out, much less on top of everything else... Haven't seen or talked to my mom in over 7 years because of everything that has happened throughout the years. Enough was enough.

Sounds like everyone around here is offering solid advice. Do whatever you got to do to get out of your immediate situation and care for your health. You deserve to be able to live a happy life and know others care about you. Keep fight'n man, you got this.

 

[shithawk420]

I've been wanting to kill myself, basically since I was about 9 years old. Did just about everything I could to make it happen some other way but never got lucky and just never got around to pulling the trigger, myself. I have spent most of my life feeling like you do right now so I am probably the only one here who wouldn't blame you one bit.

If you do decide to go that route, God bless you and may you make the journey with great strength. And, well, we'll see ya on the flip side.

Or..... GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW... RIGHT NOW.
WALK OR HITCHHIKE TO THE NEAREST CITY AND GO DIRECTLY TO ANY HOSPITAL.

They are required by law to take you in. Once in, they will assign a case worker and you will be on your way to a real life. Bigger cities have all kinds of help programs and they all exist for you.

Believe it or not... YOU HAVE A CHOICE. Only you can make the choice. You seem young enough, you should probably go for the life choice. But, what he fuck do I know, eh?




.

I've got case workers, they're only only answer is in patient.well I'm not not drinking so help me get mentally well? Nope they don't do that.its a joke.they are just kids who just got out of college with bachelors so they think they have authority or " been there" or something.but I'll tell you what it's insulting.ive let biker enforcer killers stay in my house cause I've known them my whole life and other stuff cause I live by the warrior code.these dumb kids can't even comprehend that stuff.so fuck them.i deal with it cause I'm trying to get disability but I know I'm not gonna get it so I might just say fuck it.i guess live by the sword but I tried to be good but people just wanna keep pushing even though I've been nice.well I've studied ninjutsu and chin na and tons of other shit.people have no idea what the hell I can do and it hurts when they make fun of me when I can literally turn their world around in seconds.its hard to keep your mouth shut.im actually a nice guy.keep pushing the nice guy.maybe you'll get lucky and won't be as skilled as me

 

[shithawk420]

And thanks guys but if I wasn't on probation I'd be gone in 2 seconds.im still trying to figure that out.otherwise I'm outta here

 

[moose eater]

Good choice 'hawk.

As stated, you're a likable guy when you're not enraged, you have skills, you're intelligent, and could have a different, more positive future. At times like these, you can sometimes be your own worst enemy when you go repeating self-talk that was put into your head by folks who had their own issues.. That's conditioned shit you can discard and move forward without.. Takes time. And some focused effort.

Make the calls; P.O.. hot-line, churches nearby whose perspective you can at least stomach, and any resources that might help out, whether new to you or not.

Then you gotta' work with yourself about improving the feed-back you give yourself. That's a part of what you've learned that often keeps you in this gerbil wheel of negative interactions. And with the very real hardships you're struggling with, you don't need an extra added shit going on.

When I first left home at age 13, leaving some serious insanity in the rear-view, I spent the 1st night on a hard-wood church pew, while an older acquaintance, a speed-freak named Glenn, played beautiful music on the church's piano through the night, waiting to hear back from a Jesus Commune in Edinboro, Pa. as to whether or not I had a bed there. I did.

Good luck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpn_PX2AxGo

 

[CosmicGiggle]

I've got case workers, they're only only answer is in patient.well I'm not not drinking so help me get mentally well? Nope they don't do that.its a joke.they are just kids who just got out of college ...... i deal with it cause I'm trying to get disability but I know I'm not gonna get it so I might just say fuck it.

I hear ya on the social workers just outa college but congrats on not drinking, that's a very big step.

And don't give up on the disability, nobody gets it on the 1st try, usually takes 3 tries.

Hang in there, one more miserable Sat. night over with but it's a completely new day and yer headed in the right direction .... just keep going.

 

[pop_rocks]

you are not alone and you got some good friends here hawk'
things can change and tomorrow is another day
take care of yourself brother

 

[shithawk420]

Thanks guys.i had à momentary lapse of reason.i suggested churches,habitat for humanity and every other thing I can think of but my mom just won't do it.shes mentally damaged too.i was thinking maybe if she put the house in my name I can call these places cause they probably wanna help the owner.i just don't know.all I know is my time is running out.at this rate I'll end up in prison.part of my probation is no harassing contact with my dad.but he's the one threatening me! He can call the cops and put me in jail anytime he wants and he knows it.had another daily episode last night. Damn near got in a fight.he says he wants to fight.im doing my best not to fight him but it's hard when he's yelling and spitting Inches from my face.i can not stay in pads.Dixon is full of drugs and lunatics.anyway I guess I'll keep putting on the ole thinking cap again but I got nothing.this wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't on felony probation