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Zamaldelica (fairy tale or horror story?)

Zamaldelica (fairy tale or horror story?)

  • yes

    Votes: 4 26.7%
  • no

    Votes: 11 73.3%

  • Total voters
    15
  • Poll closed .

smilley

Well-known member
Veteran
Not alienated at all homey!
Totally loving the story approach and think it’s kewl you include yer fans!
Speaking of... anybody into debating the whole defol thing?
I personally found that most narrow leafed varieties don’t benefit.
They’re internodes are evolved at longer intervals to allow better light penetration in more heavily vegetated environments than most broadleaf evolved in...
That’s just my two cents.

Hi Yukon

No, I'm not much of a defoliator either, especially in veg. I do pull some big fans off my Indies after stretch but only if they're shading nice bud sites...
 

smilley

Well-known member
Veteran
The Story Continues

The Story Continues

A few days later, Mrs smilley went into the grow room to check on her kushy clones. After inspecting the clones closely, she smiled grimly and looked at the zammies. “So, I’m so ugly that when I go into a strip club I get paid to keep my clothes on, eh??” she accused the zammies. Knowing they’d been busted, the zammies pretended to be captivated by the light. She spoke again “you girls didn’t know that my kushy clones can speak all the African dialects did you?” Again, the zammies were silent. Shaking her ample bosom at the plants Mrs smilley said “Now, I’m gonna tell you a story and it ain’t from the Big Book Of Offal BS, it’s from me and my big Kahunas.”

Mrs smilley began:
“Once upon a time there were 4 sassy sativas that liked to make jokes about their beautiful queen. The queen was a kind and benevolent lady but she needed to make examples of these insolent plants to quell any insurrection in her garden. She summoned the Royal Gardner, Monsanto and told him to dig up the plants and take them to the sunless dungeon. With no regard for the sativa’s roots, he dug them up, chopping off their tap roots and truncating the laterals.” By now, the zammies were shivering in fear. Mrs smilley continued “Monsanto put the sativas in tiny little pots without any water and hauled them shrieking and screaming to the dark and acrid cellar. Down in the moldy dungeon he tortured them with 2-4D, RoundUp and DDT. As the sativas slowly withered, they twisted in agony. They promised to be good plants but Monsanto was relentless and heedless of their screams. Finally he spritzed them with Agent Orange and all their leaves fell off. Then, the sativas died a slow and painful death and the queen ordered that their twisted and blackened stalks be hung from the garden trellis as a warning to all the other plants that the queen wouldn’t stand for any arrogant or sassy behavior in her gardens.”

With that, Mrs smilley laughed, shook her boobs at the zammies and stormed out of the grow room slamming the door behind her.

The zammies were horrified and trembling in fear. They whispered amongst each other, fearful that the kushy clones would hear them and squeal to Mrs smilley again. They’d stopped feeding in their pots and had little interest in the big led. They were worried and scared witless. Finally the lights clicked off and the zammies slept fitfully.
 

YukonKronic

Active member
Damn mouthy Kush clones. Ya can’t trust commercial mafuckas.
I bet mrs. smilley warms up to the ol zammers after all.. hope so!
What if they inflict her with “terrorific roller coaster” trips as vengeance!
 

Koondense

Well-known member
Veteran
I think the zammies have the potential to scare back the queen, once their buds get ready for her majesty.

Just grow little zammies and do what you do best, mrs smilley deserves it, muahahahahaaa :)



Cheers
 

smilley

Well-known member
Veteran
The Story Continues

The Story Continues

The following evening, smilley entered the grow with the Big BOOBS tucked under his arm. The zammies we're drooping and silent. Concerned by their appearance, smilley said "you girls don't look well, did you catch fungus gnats? The zammies didn't reply they just sat there in their pots looking sad and forlorn. Smilley said, I hope you don't have spider mites, their a bitch.

One of the zammies motioned for smilley to come closer. When smilley bent down close to the girls, the zammie whispered "Mrs smilley told us a horror story last night about a nasty queen who ordered the torture and murder of 4 cute sativas just like us. We're afraid she's going to kill us before we can bud". Smilley frowned "she'd never do that, she's a kind and benevolent lady." "That's what she said about the evil queen!!" replied the terrified plant. The zammie looked down at it's soil and said "those kushy clones ratted us out for telling ugly jokes about her".

Smilley nodded in understanding. "I warned you girls about that but you didn't listen." The zammies we're sobbing and begging smilley not to let his wife kill them. Taking pity on the troubled zammies smilley said "I'll talk to her and sort this out. But, you girls have to promise, no more ugly jokes. No fat jokes, no skinny jokes, no puns, no limericks and no blonde jokes. Okay?? The zammies immediately perked up and promised never to say anything disparaging about Mrs smilley ever again. Then they started photosynthesizing again.

“I’m gonna give you girls a soil drench of hydrogen peroxide soon, just in case you have fungus gnats. You’ll love it. Now, should I continue with the story of Jed Crumpet and his kin folk?” asked smilley.

“We’ve heard enough stories for a while, smilley. Tonight we just wanna catch some rays before bedtime.” replied the leggy zammie. Nodding with approval, smilley grabbed his Big BOOBS and departed.
 

hayday

Well-known member
Veteran
I stumbled on your story in the middle on the night last night. I'm subbing in for the conclusion:good:
 

smilley

Well-known member
Veteran
The Story Continues

The Story Continues

The following afternoon, smilley and his beautiful wife were sharing a hash reefer and cuddling on the sofa. Smilley told his wife about the zammies fearing for their life because of the horror story she had related to them. “Oh, I was just trying to teach them a lesson, they’re sassy little things ya know” she replied. Smilley pulled her a little closer and nuzzled her ear saying “they stopped photosynthesizing for a whole day, we’re gonna need their buds this summer when we’re camping at the Lake of Many Colors. Please try not to upset them, baby.....” he whispered. “But they said I was so ugly that I couldn’t get paid to take my clothes off” she pouted. Smilley reached into his pocket, pulled out a double sawbuck and said “I’ll give you twenty dollars to show me what ya got under those clothes, darlin’” smilley said in his best John Wayne impersonation. Giggling, Mrs smilley said “make it forty, mister, and I’ll give you the full show.” Smilley reached into his pocket and said “All I have is a fifty, baby?” “Deposit that with the girls up above and we’ll make you change, down below” she cooed and kissed him romantically.

(Okay, all you perverts can go take a cold shower now. This is a family thread. Suffice it to say that smilley and his wife smoked another hash reefer later, much later...)

Afterwards, smilley was having a cup of coffee and thinking. He was quite proud of himself, he’d gotten the zammies to grow again, gotten his wife to promise to be nicer to the sativas, gotten lucky with his lover and all it cost him was two hundred and seventy bucks. Smugly, smilley thought to himself “I should change my name to cassanova greenthumb diplomacy einstein smilley, that has a nice ring to it.” As he couldn’t think of a witty name that spelled out the acronym GENIUS, smilley just basked in his contentedness.

It should be noted, that every time in smilley’s life that he thought he had all his ducks in a row, shit happened. His existence had been ruled by Peter’s Principle, third corollary which states “If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong, and it’ll go wrong at the worst possible time”. Maybe this time will be different, we’ll just have to wait and see.....
 

brickweeder

Well-known member
...” Smilley reached into his pocket and said “All I have is a fifty, baby?”

Afterwards, smilley was...quite proud of himself, he’d gotten the zammies to grow again, gotten his wife to promise to be nicer to the sativas, gotten lucky with his lover and all it cost him was two hundred and seventy bucks...


Wait, so how did $50 turn into $275? She must be one talented lady, you lucky dog you!
 

smilley

Well-known member
Veteran
Wait, so how did $50 turn into $275? She must be one talented lady, you lucky dog you!

Well, brickweeder. Much like Starke the Oracle, Mrs smilley practices the principle: Ass, Grass or Cash, Nobody rides for free. Let's just say that smilley got to ride more than once, lol.
 

brickweeder

Well-known member
...Mrs smilley practices the principle: Ass, Grass or Cash, Nobody rides for free. Let's just say that smilley got to ride more than once, lol.

You just might be short changing yourself, maybe she should be paying you?

But I digress, the important thing though is the the little zammies are happy campers once again.
 

smilley

Well-known member
Veteran
Day F1

Day F1

After 28 days of veg I flipped the light to 11/13. I was going to veg for 35 days but I got gun shy and flipped them early. Growth is accelerating and the plants look healthy. I did see some fungus gnats around the zammies and gave each pot a 500ml drench of 3% h2o2 diluted 4:1 with water yesterday. I'm going to get some pot poppers and release the nematodes next watering.

I believe the fungus gnats came from the kushy clones as I had a bit of an infestation in the cloning area. Those damn kushy clones....

Anyway, here's the pics from this morning. Oh, I topped the lanky plant (first pic) a second time. She stretched 3 inches in 2 days after the initial topping.



picture.php
 

smilley

Well-known member
Veteran
The Story Continues

The Story Continues

Back in the grow room, the zammies we're enjoying their larger pots and adapting to the new light cycle. When Mrs smilley would check on her clones, the zammies would smile politely at her and she would smile back. It was an uneasy truce but it was working. As smilley had been working a lot of overtime he hadn't been able to spend much time with the zammies.

Mrs smilley asked the zammies if they’d like her to continue the story that smilley was reading to them. The zammies graciously declined her offer, but the littlest zammie said “we’ve been hearing about Christmas and don’t understand it. Can you explain it to us, please Mrs smilley?”.

Flattered that the zammies wanted her to impart them with understanding, she replied “Sure, but let me show you some magic of my own.” She held out her hands, showing nothing was in them. Then she pointed behind the zammies and said “look, a squirrel”. When the zammies turned to look, Mrs smilley quickly pulled a hash reefer from smilley’s favorite hiding spot. When the zammies looked back at her, she displayed the joint in her hand, ceremoniously. As she lit up the spliff, the zammies ooohed and aaahed in wonderment. Knowing she had the girls full attention, she started toking and telling:

“Back in the 60’s there were a pair of young newfies named Margo and Reggie who decided to have a child. Once Reggie figured out how to do it, the couple conceived a son. Believe me, it was neither immaculate nor pretty but the deed was done. When it was time, Reggie decided his wife should have the baby where it was conceived, so he helped Margo to the pole shed out back. Margo lay on some hay bales and started pushing and breathing hard. In attendance were a bunch of farm animals and three fellas from the trailer park named Ricky, Julian and Bubbles. Now these fellas were neither wise nor handsome, but Ricky could grow weed, Julian could drink rum and Bubbles liked cats and shopping carts”. Mrs smilley added “So in my opinion, those fellas were the salt of the earth”

She went on “When the baby finally squirted out, he landed in a cowsy dungsy patty and Ricky exclaimed “Jeebus!! That’s the ugliest rug rat I’ve ever seen!” Reggie said “That’s it, his name will be Jeebus, and, ya he sure is butt ugly!”. Bubbles picked up the little bugger, held him at arms length and said “I’m sure if we hose him off and wrap him in some corn sacks he’ll look better and even smell better.” After cleaning Jeebus up, Reggie tried to sell him to the three un-wise men but Julian said Reggie would have to pay them to take Jeebus. As Reggie had no dough, him and Margo commenced to raising the ugly little tyke.”

To say that Jeebus was a disappointment to Margo, is an understatement. Sure, he could turn water into wine but no self respecting Newfie would drink anything but screech or black rum so what good was he? Sure, he could part the waters, but he only did it at squid jigging time and pissed off all the fishermen. Finally when Jeebus was in his late teens Reggie started a Go-Fund-Me program. He posted pics of Jeebus and a story of his inabilities & ugliness and the money started flowing in. Finally they saved enough money to put Jeebus on a bus to Fort McMurray and changed his name to Christoffson Mastoboggan so nobody would know he was Reggie and Margo’s son.

On the way to Fort Mac, Jeebus met a genius marketing wizard named Bill Bezos. After hearing Jeebus’ story, Bill figured that he and his Globalist buddies could tweak the story, change some of the facts and make a fortune by getting people to give each other gifts because they had ugly children. Then, they got rid of the ugly children angle and shortened Christtoffson Mastoggan to Christmas. Oh, and Bill had a son who became the richest man in the world, but that’s another story.

“And that’s the true story of Christmas” declared Mrs smilley.

The zammies were still mystified about Christmas, but happy to have heard a story from Mrs smilley that didn't end in the deaths of any sativas.



Another story of Margo and Reggie as told by Stompin Tom
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgdEJnsdOOU
 

smilley

Well-known member
Veteran
Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all IC maggers, indica and sativa smokers alike. We hope Santa put a little herb in your stockings and wish you peace.

Best wishes

from Mrs smilley, smilley, Pixie and all the zammies

 

smilley

Well-known member
Veteran
The Story Continues

The Story Continues

The day after Christmas, smilley was back in the grow room. He had a surprise for the zammies. Mrs smilley had gotten them a Christmas present. The zammies were excited, they no longer feared Mrs smilley since she had explained the true meaning of Christmas to them. They all spoke at once “What is it? Is it because we were ugly children? Quick, show us”. Smilley smiled, raised his hand to silence the zammies and proudly showed them. Smilley said “it’s a pair of supplemental lights to help you grow better”. Mrs smilley had purchased a pair of far-red led pucks from RapidLED. Smilley showed one of the pucks to the zammies and said “I’m going to mount one on each side of your quantum board as outriggers”. It’s supposed to enhance the Emerson effect and improve flowering by rapidly switching the phytochrome state .” The zammies were excited, no one had ever given them a gift before. Their love for Mrs smilley was growing in leaps and bounds.



“Hook em’ up smilley, we want to try them” said the littlest zammie. Smilley explained he had to go to the hydro shop for some odds and ends for the grow room but would try to get them installed before lights out. He knew he had
more research to do regarding these supplemental lights and what exact schedule he was going to operate them on.
 

smilley

Well-known member
Veteran
The Story Continues

The Story Continues

It was an easy installation. Smilley used a couple of existing holes in the quantum board's heat sink to attach a sheet metal bracket for each puck.. The far-red pucks were attached to the brackets with small nuts and bolts. The pucks could be aimed by bending and rotating the brackets and they were plugged into smart sockets. It was a one beer job. Initial operating schedule will be on for 15 minutes before lights on and off 15 minutes after lights on. On for 15 minutes before lights off and off 15 minutes after lights off.
 

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smilley

Well-known member
Veteran
Day F7

Day F7

So, the zammies have had 2 complete day/night cycles with the far red initiator pucks. They seemed perkier and stretchier after the first cycle but probably just coincidence with stretch starting to get going. They range in height from 8 inches to 11 inches.

The medium is Pro-Mix HP amended with 2 tablespoons of dolomitic lime per gallon. The ferts are Botanicare PureBlend Pro, Bloom for soil, Cal/Mag+ and Liquid Karma (humus). I use plain tap water and no ph balancer. After my 5th or 6th ph pen, I finally gave up trying to balance the ph and it’s worked ok for the last 4 or 5 years. I don’t go crazy with the nutrients, I try to live by the rule that less is more....

In general, the plants look pretty good. The terminal buds have that “praying to the ganja gods” look to them and there are no yellowing lower leaves. Canopy temps are running about 26C. Soon I’ll chop out a bit of the bottom foliage to allow for easier watering and better air flow.

At this stage, the girls seem better behaved than I expected. Maybe I should have given them the extra week of veg. Still, for 35 days above the soil, they’re putting on a pretty good show of branching and sativa vigor. I’m treating them as I would any other cannabis plant I’ve grown as I have little or no reference point or experience with them. I’m open to suggestions??

I want to give a big mahalo to everyone for following along with the story (and the grow). Although I have complete control of the narrative, the grow has a life of it’s own even though I’m the single most important variable that affects it. I’ll do my best to bring both along to a happy conclusion.



picture.php
 

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