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The Original O'l Farts Club.
- Thread starter Putembk
- Start date
Constipated
A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm going to give you some suppositories. I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening." Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository. She agrees reluctantly, then puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the suppository. Suddenly, her husband shrieks, "Aahhhhh!" "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" she asks. "No... I just realized that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulderA guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day." "Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay." The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!" On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
A shy guy goes into a pub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling, at the top of her voice, “NO! I will not sleep with you!”
Everyone at the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is extremely embarrassed and slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles and says quietly, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a psychology student and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To this, the man responds at the top of his voice, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN £800!!?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her voice, “NO! I will not sleep with you!”
Everyone at the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is extremely embarrassed and slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologises. She smiles and says quietly, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a psychology student and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To this, the man responds at the top of his voice, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN £800!!?"
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Welcome and good morning
OleReynard
Well-known member
Morning everyone it's been wet and rainy and windy here in the Lakes region with some snow forecasted for some parts.
We had snow go thru yesterday up around Eli.
Gonna warm back up towards the end of the week, may get out fishing then.
The colors were possibly as good as they'll get round here with some trees bare already.
E erything yellowish gold with a few red still popping thru.
The red oaks have not all transformed yet.
We had snow go thru yesterday up around Eli.
Gonna warm back up towards the end of the week, may get out fishing then.
The colors were possibly as good as they'll get round here with some trees bare already.
E erything yellowish gold with a few red still popping thru.
The red oaks have not all transformed yet.
Morning Welcome to the forum
We have many things to do as we start getting into the cooler weather,
We have a band starting and we are looking for anyone who can play accordion, sitar ,zither ,spoons ,or can hum.
We are good on ukuleles players at the moment.
That is the second response.
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There it is.
Well... I started dragging chainsawed logs to my resident brush pile. After ten minutes, I was about to go nuts.
I have never seen so many mosquitoes! All after my Type O+ And I was wearing shorts and a T-shirt.
So here I sit, aching all over from 1940-issue equipment on top of itching all over... and I haven't had a toke in four weeks.
Low spot.
Back to local news. A huge shopping center was just built right up the road from me. Called Avenir. They haven't even gotten the braces offa all the ornamental, full-sized palm trees.
It opened in February.
And now the brand-new Publix building has been condemned for tornado damage:
I have never seen so many mosquitoes! All after my Type O+ And I was wearing shorts and a T-shirt.
So here I sit, aching all over from 1940-issue equipment on top of itching all over... and I haven't had a toke in four weeks.
Low spot.
Back to local news. A huge shopping center was just built right up the road from me. Called Avenir. They haven't even gotten the braces offa all the ornamental, full-sized palm trees.
It opened in February.
And now the brand-new Publix building has been condemned for tornado damage:
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4 weeks!….i am tempted to send you a pound or two but I don’t want no knocks on my damn door and I live to far away to drive over to you place
it just chaps my hide and frustrates me to no end that I can’t do much about it
watch out for this gmo skeeters!..
I appreciate and understand your position. It is ridiculous. It is bloody legal here. Except for Ole Spotless Record Unca. Wait. I did get a ticket once. The meter had expired. <-- So I am not squeaky clean. I am guilty of not putting in another nickel in time. Cost me $1.50.
I've grown to be partial to a combination of both action and planning.
After responding with a two brick straight-punch between the eyes to put things in perspective there is usually adequate time to plan and execute the sneaky vindictive parts.
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OleReynard
Well-known member
If you're a duck
