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The Original O'l Farts Club.

jokerman

Well-known member
Premium user
AHA: I checked up on Virgos... Deary dear...

Virgo​

You are a pain in the ass. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the bastard had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ass. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo.
I am a Virgo and after reading that I must study the way you use your volcano, I clearly must be smoking inferior weed
I just recently found out mildew wasn't a spice
 

Gypsy Nirvana

Recalcitrant Reprobate -
Administrator
Veteran
I am a Virgo and after reading that I must study the way you use your volcano, I clearly must be smoking inferior weed
I just recently found out mildew wasn't a spice
I'm an Aries ♈️ - The Ram - and I 'spose that's why I'm always banging my head on something - yesterday it was in the pool swimming on my back - then forgot where the wall of the pool was and swam into it head first - ouch! - banged my head once again - lol
 

Littleleaf

Well-known member
Veteran
:rant: Well I made a big mistake.... fed Ribeye a cherry tomato. Not thinking much of it and boy was I wrong. The mother trucker has eaten all the feral cherry tomatoes I had growing by the fence. Then he proceeds to go over the fence to eat my big patch of tomatoes in the main garden. Son of a biscuit..... He trampled the squash ect. ect. I just planted when I was chasing him out of the garden.

So had to string up a electric fence to keep his fat ass out of the garden this evening. We will let him out of the yard in the morning. He is a curious calf. I'm betting he will go straight to the fence. When he licks the fence (he tastes everything) It will be the last time.

I'm hoping we can watch him go to the fence. So we can tell him NO! and proceeds to get zapped. Maybe he will learn what no means. We'll see.

ribeye proof.jpg
 
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jokerman

Well-known member
Premium user
:rant: Well I made a big mistake.... fed Ribeye a cherry tomato. Not thinking much of it and boy was I wrong. The mother trucker has eaten all the feral cherry tomatoes I had growing by the fence. Then he proceeds to go over the fence to eat my big patch of tomatoes in the main garden. Son of a biscuit..... He trampled the squash ect. ect. I just planted when I was chasing him out of the garden.

So had to string up a electric fence to keep his fat ass out of the garden this evening. We will let him out of the yard in the morning. He is a curious calf. I'm betting he will go straight to the fence. When he licks the fence (he tastes everything) It will be the last time.

I'm hoping we can watch him go to the fence. So we can tell him NO! and proceeds to get zapped. Maybe he will learn what no means. We'll see.

View attachment 19035903
Thank God Dogs Bubba doesn't have the keys to the freezer too
 

flower~power

~Star~Crash~
ICMag Donor
Veteran
I never liked Sylvia's mother.
I didnt like that operator either☝️

Here’s some trivia for you… “SYLVIA’S MOTHER” – The late Shel Silverstein was a very talented man. In addition to being a writer and cartoonist for Playboy, he was a best-selling creator of poems for kids. And he wrote other popular songs, including “A Boy Named Sue” for Johnny Cash. “Sylvia’s Mother” was Silverstein’s sense of humor at work. It was a parody of teenage love songs, but unfortunately radio stations and listeners took it way too seriously. Recorded by Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show, it vaulted to No. 5 in the U.S. and No. 2 in the UK (nudged out only by “Puppy Love” by Donny Osmond; go figure) back in 1971. It’s about a lovesick guy trying to contact Sylvia, but her mother won’t let him talk to her because Sylvia’s ready to marry someone else. The line, “And the operator says 40 cents more for the next three minutes” drips with strained and artificial emotion. If you want to hear this but have trouble finding it, just stick a knife in your head. It’s almost the same sensation.
 

SubGirl

Well-known member
Premium user
420club
:rant: Well I made a big mistake.... fed Ribeye a cherry tomato. Not thinking much of it and boy was I wrong. The mother trucker has eaten all the feral cherry tomatoes I had growing by the fence. Then he proceeds to go over the fence to eat my big patch of tomatoes in the main garden. Son of a biscuit..... He trampled the squash ect. ect. I just planted when I was chasing him out of the garden.

So had to string up a electric fence to keep his fat ass out of the garden this evening. We will let him out of the yard in the morning. He is a curious calf. I'm betting he will go straight to the fence. When he licks the fence (he tastes everything) It will be the last time.

I'm hoping we can watch him go to the fence. So we can tell him NO! and proceeds to get zapped. Maybe he will learn what no means. We'll see.

View attachment 19035903
Them steaks are going up in price everyday. 😁. I’m surprised he hasn’t found the garden already. Hopfully you can teach him what no means 😂
 

dogzter

Drapetomaniac
We had a steer named little bit who by the force of his intellect and personality went from food to pet.
He is about 11 now and went with the horses to our sons place so he wouldn't get lonely.
Smart,sweet and gentle made him hard to eat.
I don't regret the decision and have not brought another one home since.
Fortunately this is beef country and there are some people here who produce some incredibly high quality meats.
The local IGA grocery sells all local meats when possible as well.
Better for the cattle and the humans to keep it locally made if at all possible.
 

cola

Well-known member
I'm an Aries ♈️ - The Ram - and I 'spose that's why I'm always banging my head on something - yesterday it was in the pool swimming on my back - then forgot where the wall of the pool was and swam into it head first - ouch! - banged my head once again - lol
Those Aries horns have likely served you well overall. One not so stubborn minded might have severely weakened a lesser soul, given your trials and tribulations in life. I think we become what we are supposed to be.
Think how very boring life would be with nothing but a roomful of mirrors to look at, lol. (n):eek:
 

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