That bus crowd is a snooty bunch.
My counselor told me that noisy, vigorous, masturbation was perfectly normal and very common.
So why dem buggahs t'row me off da bus?
A.
Weeze
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That bus crowd is a snooty bunch.
My counselor told me that noisy, vigorous, masturbation was perfectly normal and very common.
So why dem buggahs t'row me off da bus?
A.
Weeze
A teacher is explaining biology to her 3rd grade students.
She says, “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,”
A little girl raises her hand. saying, “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become asked the girl to describe the incident.
“Well,” she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”
The teacher exclaimed, “That must’ve been scary,”
The little girl said, “It sure was. My kitty raised her back, went ‘Sssss, Sssss, Sssss’
and before she could say ‘Shit,’ the Rottweiler ate her!”
The teacher had to leave the room.
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”.
The Sergeant replied “Well sir it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”
The captain said “Well if it’s good for moral, then I guess it’s all right with me.”
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!”
The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?”
The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.”
She says, “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,”
A little girl raises her hand. saying, “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become asked the girl to describe the incident.
“Well,” she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”
The teacher exclaimed, “That must’ve been scary,”
The little girl said, “It sure was. My kitty raised her back, went ‘Sssss, Sssss, Sssss’
and before she could say ‘Shit,’ the Rottweiler ate her!”
The teacher had to leave the room.
A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”.
The Sergeant replied “Well sir it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”
The captain said “Well if it’s good for moral, then I guess it’s all right with me.”
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, “BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!”
The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied,
down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, “Is that how the enlisted men do it?”
The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.”
Drunk Driver 2
A man stumbles out of a bar one night obviously drunk.
He makes his way down the street knocking into everything in his path.
A police officer watches him from a cruiser across the street.
The man comes up to a parked car, fumbles around in his pockets, gets his keys, and proceeds to drive away.
The police officer, unbelieving what he saw, pulls the man over a few blocks down the road.
The man gives a breathalizer for the officer and to the officer’s amazement – the guy was stone cold sober.
“I can’t believe it! I watched you walk to this car, drive erratic all the way down the road, and my machine says you have no alcohol in your system! How can that be???”
“Oh that’s easy”, replies the man. “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
A man stumbles out of a bar one night obviously drunk.
He makes his way down the street knocking into everything in his path.
A police officer watches him from a cruiser across the street.
The man comes up to a parked car, fumbles around in his pockets, gets his keys, and proceeds to drive away.
The police officer, unbelieving what he saw, pulls the man over a few blocks down the road.
The man gives a breathalizer for the officer and to the officer’s amazement – the guy was stone cold sober.
“I can’t believe it! I watched you walk to this car, drive erratic all the way down the road, and my machine says you have no alcohol in your system! How can that be???”
“Oh that’s easy”, replies the man. “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
Is That Mule For Sale
Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake’s wife brought his lunch to him.
Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake’s old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.
At the wake, Jake’s minister noticed that when the women offered sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, ‘Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?’
‘Well,’ Jake replied, ‘The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, ‘Is that mule for sale!?’
Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake’s wife brought his lunch to him.
Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake’s old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.
At the wake, Jake’s minister noticed that when the women offered sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, ‘Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?’
‘Well,’ Jake replied, ‘The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, ‘Is that mule for sale!?’
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
20. Law of Toilets - As soon as you sit down to do your business the phone rings (usually the daughter or a wrong #)
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
20. Law of Toilets - As soon as you sit down to do your business the phone rings (usually the daughter or a wrong #)
I took my girlfriend out to meet my parents. They asked, "what does she do?". I said, "anything but anal." No, really, she likes that too.
I was dating this girl who had a twin, and when I asked them if they were up for a threesome, they were all for it. That was good. She had bigger breasts, but he was better looking.
I've been thinking about getting a tattoo just above the pelvis that would read, Warning: Choking Hazard. Ages 18 and up.
Really, when I asked my girlfriend if I could have a 3 way, she said it was okay. Imagine how pissed she was when I told her she wasn't one of the 3.
Wetting the bed as a child is embarrassing. As an adult wetting a child's bed it's mortifying.
I was dating this girl who had a twin, and when I asked them if they were up for a threesome, they were all for it. That was good. She had bigger breasts, but he was better looking.
I've been thinking about getting a tattoo just above the pelvis that would read, Warning: Choking Hazard. Ages 18 and up.
Really, when I asked my girlfriend if I could have a 3 way, she said it was okay. Imagine how pissed she was when I told her she wasn't one of the 3.
Wetting the bed as a child is embarrassing. As an adult wetting a child's bed it's mortifying.
D
Dank_Indicas
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
Question: Who makes more money, a Drug Dealer or a Hooker?
Answer: A Hooker, because she can just wash her crack and use it again.
WARNING DON'T SNIFF THE HOOKERS (V)
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
Question: Who makes more money, a Drug Dealer or a Hooker?
Answer: A Hooker, because she can just wash her crack and use it again.
WARNING DON'T SNIFF THE HOOKERS (V)
Agent SmokeAlot
Member
a good girl can rake in 1500 a week EASY. sad part is that it all goes to the scumbag pimpin her out.
^^^To true.
OP
OP
D
Dank_Indicas
I would be the cheap basterd and put $1.00 in her waist or sticking out of her pants and ask if i can have all i can eat for under a buck!!!
Old time lurker
Member
Check the buffet before asking for all you can eat, and NEVER eat anything bigger than your head.I would be the cheap basterd and put $1.00 in her waist or sticking out of her pants and ask if i can have all i can eat for under a buck!!!
D
Dank_Indicas
My head is much bigger then my mouth but sometime lurker you might want to bring some crackers cause some hookers might have cheese to offer you!
During Lenogate when Conan, Jay and Letterman were fighting for the top slot in late night television, the Tonight Show's rating fell into negative territory. I know, I can't believe anyone would ever say that about one of the most beloved shows on television, but it's true. At some point an independent survey found that not only was no one watching the Tonight Show, 3 people who did not have television said that if they had a TV, that they would not watch the show.
The sad thing is that Letterman still can't beat him in the ratings.
The sad thing is that Letterman still can't beat him in the ratings.
D
Dank_Indicas
I would rather have my 1 tooth pulled then watch any of them!!
D
Dank_Indicas
I would be more happier watching a mouse get his nuts chopped then watch them old basterds even conan aka the tin man has no talent!
give me a few hits of shrooms and acid and see how many episodes of the simpsons and itchy and scratchy toons i can write on shrooms and acid!!
give me a few hits of shrooms and acid and see how many episodes of the simpsons and itchy and scratchy toons i can write on shrooms and acid!!
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? . I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.
D
Dank_Indicas
Two stoners are walking down the street and see a dog licking his balls. One says to the other i sure wish i could do that. The other stoner says you better get to know him better first.
