RMS
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RMS
RMS
Ron White and Dr. Phil story
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I’m too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.” The old gentleman paused. Then he said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.” “Have a good day, sir,” replied the trooper.
RMS
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I’m too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.” The old gentleman paused. Then he said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.” “Have a good day, sir,” replied the trooper.
RMS
Two very good-looking 20–21-year-old girls of eastern European origin come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start cleaning your windscreen, their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T- shirts.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead they ask you for a lift to another supermarket, in my case, Walmart. You agree and they both get in the back seat.
On the way there, they start undressing, until they are both completely naked. Then, when you pull over to tell them to be cool, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen on July 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also on August 1st, 4th, 6th, 9th and 10th and twice yesterday.
So please warn all the older guys you know to be on the lookout for this scam. The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.
P.S. Walmart has cheap wallets on sale for $3.29 each but other wallets are $3.75, look better and come in packs of twelve!
RMS
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they'll say 'No' and instead they ask you for a lift to another supermarket, in my case, Walmart. You agree and they both get in the back seat.
On the way there, they start undressing, until they are both completely naked. Then, when you pull over to tell them to be cool, one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over your lap, kissing you, touching you intimately and thrusting herself against you, while the other one steals your wallet!
I had my wallet stolen on July 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th and 29th. Also on August 1st, 4th, 6th, 9th and 10th and twice yesterday.
So please warn all the older guys you know to be on the lookout for this scam. The best times seem to be just before lunch and about 4:30 in the afternoon.
P.S. Walmart has cheap wallets on sale for $3.29 each but other wallets are $3.75, look better and come in packs of twelve!
RMS
sounds like a bargain! 
What kind of vehicle do you find near a castle?
A moatorboat.
A moatorboat.
Breaking News:
3 women at a health spa are charged with attempted mudder.
3 women at a health spa are charged with attempted mudder.
A blonde woman was found guilty of bleach of contract.
What kind of snake holds up women's breasts?
A co-bra.
A co-bra.
How do you make a woman happy?
Tequila (pronounced tickle her).
Tequila (pronounced tickle her).
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chickens foot.
It was stuck to the chickens foot.
right
Well-known member
The bus driver joke
A man gets onto a city bus and sees an attractive nun. Wanting to have sex with her, he goes up and asks, "Will you have sex with me?"
"Of course not!" the nun said unnervingly and got off the bus.
Before the depressed man left the bus, the bus driver stops him and says, "I know how you can screw her: On Sundays, she prays at the local cemetery. While she is praying, dress as God and she'll have sex with you. Put on a mask, robes, and a lot of glitter."
That Sunday, the man takes the advice, gets into the costume and hides behind a gravestone. Shortly, the nun appears and prays.
The man pops out from the gravestone and declares, "I am God, and I command you to have sex with me."
The nun replies, "Sure, but only if we have anal sex."
So they have anal sex.
After sex the man rips off his mask and laughs, I'm not God! I'm that man from the bus! Ha!"
Immediately the nun rips off her mask and says "Ha! I'm the bus driver!"
A man gets onto a city bus and sees an attractive nun. Wanting to have sex with her, he goes up and asks, "Will you have sex with me?"
"Of course not!" the nun said unnervingly and got off the bus.
Before the depressed man left the bus, the bus driver stops him and says, "I know how you can screw her: On Sundays, she prays at the local cemetery. While she is praying, dress as God and she'll have sex with you. Put on a mask, robes, and a lot of glitter."
That Sunday, the man takes the advice, gets into the costume and hides behind a gravestone. Shortly, the nun appears and prays.
The man pops out from the gravestone and declares, "I am God, and I command you to have sex with me."
The nun replies, "Sure, but only if we have anal sex."
So they have anal sex.
After sex the man rips off his mask and laughs, I'm not God! I'm that man from the bus! Ha!"
Immediately the nun rips off her mask and says "Ha! I'm the bus driver!"
