They say Daniel Boon had 3 ears, a left ear, a right ear and a wild frontier.
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What does a liar do when he's dead?
He lies still.
He lies still.
RMS
two guys out hiking find a big-ass hole, can't see the bottom. one says "i'll roll this rock in, and we can tell about how deep it is by how long it takes to hit bottom..." he shoves the rock off the edge, and when he does, a goat rushes up & jumps down in the hole! they're standing there with their jaws dangling when a farmer comes out of the woods and asks them "have you seen a goat?" they tell him "yeah, it just jumped down in this damn hole!" farmer says "no fucking way! i had him tied to a great big rock..."
Prostitutes are now offering clit and collect.
You've heard of hormone replacement therapy but have you ever wonder how do you make a hormone?
Kick her in the cunt.
Toob socks are boob socks for old people.
Kick her in the cunt.
Toob socks are boob socks for old people.
velorex
Well-known member
Two pedophiles are sitting on a bench overlooking the playground. On the swings is a little girl, about 5 years. Every time she swings forward her light blue summer dress blossoms up and they get a glimpse of her thighs and her underwear. After watching in silence for a few minutes, one pedophile nudges the other and says: i bet she was a real looker back in her days
velorex
Well-known member
Two old friends meet on the street. After catching up on the latest, one says: btw, i ran into Maria from highschool last week. You mean the little skinny one with that was always so quiet? Asked the other. Yeah, but now she looks like this he says and cups his hands 10 inches from his chest. What, says the other. She really good a boob job? No man says the first, she's got arthritis. Horrible crippling arthritis.
you sick fuck! that's great, lol. 
- As a dedicated follower of fashion - 50 cent looks to have been on the Eskimo diet of whale blubber - and sea elephant testicles - a kinda North Pole carnivore diet - real trendy amongst celebs - atm - (a little bird told me) -
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Dime
Well-known member
Fred goes to the doctor for a follow up to some tests .While in the waiting room he notices a slim,young,beautiful, endowed, sexy blonde receptionist.The doctor calls him in to discuss the results. The doctor says ,"well Fred I have some good news and some bad news for you ,which do you want to hear first?"Fred replies "give me the bad news" The doctor says "You have 3 months to live,there is no cure" Fred says "my God what could possibly be the good news?" the doctor says"Fred did you see the new receptionist in the waiting room/" Fred says "yes I did she is unbelievably beautiful" the doctor says "well the good news is I slept with her last night"
they say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
velorex
Well-known member
not a joke, but a true story.
i actually did this when i was 16.
i was on a field trip with my school. a bunch of us was walking around, all broke, all out of cigarettes. i told them, no worries i'll go steal some in that kiosk over there. they all laughed, and said not even your famus long fingers can do that. the cigarettes are all behind the counter and you can't get behind it. i walked in, asked nicely for a pack of ciggies, the lady put them on the counter and i thanked her nicely and walked out with the pack. she was trapped behind the counter, and there was other customers there so she couldn't give chase. at least i was polite. wonder if she still rembers me
i actually did this when i was 16.
i was on a field trip with my school. a bunch of us was walking around, all broke, all out of cigarettes. i told them, no worries i'll go steal some in that kiosk over there. they all laughed, and said not even your famus long fingers can do that. the cigarettes are all behind the counter and you can't get behind it. i walked in, asked nicely for a pack of ciggies, the lady put them on the counter and i thanked her nicely and walked out with the pack. she was trapped behind the counter, and there was other customers there so she couldn't give chase. at least i was polite. wonder if she still rembers me
a lot of convenience stores have rules that employees can't engage someone stealing, so like if someone was going to run off with a pack of cigs the person at the counter can't do anything, and I'm pretty sure a bystander would end up with an assault charge, I think even security guards at stores fall under similar rules, which is kind of a joke I guess
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the leading theory on people that are two faced, have their head up their ass, and are full of shit
the anus sphincter splits the face as their head ascends into their ass, upon which their shit, instead of passing out through the anus, goes into to their mouths
the anus sphincter splits the face as their head ascends into their ass, upon which their shit, instead of passing out through the anus, goes into to their mouths
