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An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home.
All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home.
After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. How do you like it here?" asked the grandson"
It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said grandpa.
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a little different from the other residents."
"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents, " Abdullah said with a big smile.
"There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him "Maestro"!
There is a judge here - he's 95 year old.. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him "Your Honor".
There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 20 years, and everyone still calls him "Doctor".
And Me – I haven't had sex for 25 years, and they still call me "The Fucking Arab".
All the Arab Facilities were completely full, so they had to put him in an Italian home.
After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. How do you like it here?" asked the grandson"
It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," said grandpa.
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you since you are a little different from the other residents."
"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents, " Abdullah said with a big smile.
"There's a musician here - he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years, and everyone still calls him "Maestro"!
There is a judge here - he's 95 year old.. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him "Your Honor".
There's a dentist here - 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 20 years, and everyone still calls him "Doctor".
And Me – I haven't had sex for 25 years, and they still call me "The Fucking Arab".
A family is sitting around one night when little Johnny asks his dad "dad, how many different kinda boobs are there?" His dad thinks for a bit then says "well son, there's 3 kinds. Ya see, in there 20's there like watermelons nice and firm. In the 30's their like pears. Kinda saggy but still nice to look at. And in their 50's...their like onions..you see them and you just start crying." The daughter then asks her mom "mom, how many kinds of penises are ther?" Mom sits and thinks for a second then says " Well sweetie, there's 3 kinds. In their 20's its like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In their 30's their like willow trees, flexible but reliable. And in their 50's, their like Christmas trees...dead from the roots up and the balls are for decoration only!"
Little Johnny ( again!) Goes to his dad one day and asks him the difference between 'theoretically' and 'realistically'. Dad thinks for a moment and says "come with me"
They go to the front room where mum and sister are sitting, and dad asks " girls, honestly- would you sleep with a stranger for £1 million?"
Both straight away say yes, damn right, so dad turns to Johnny and says " there you go son, theoretically we are sitting on £2 million, but realistically we are living with a couple of whores "
They go to the front room where mum and sister are sitting, and dad asks " girls, honestly- would you sleep with a stranger for £1 million?"
Both straight away say yes, damn right, so dad turns to Johnny and says " there you go son, theoretically we are sitting on £2 million, but realistically we are living with a couple of whores "
A rich guy and a regular guy are sitting at the Starbucks counter, each having a cup of coffee..
They start talking and realize they have both been out shopping for their wives for Valentines Day.
The regular guy asks "What did you get your wife?", and the rich guy says, " I bought her a diamond necklace and a Mercedes Benz".
The regular guy asks, "Why did you choose both of those gifts?"
The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the necklace, she can return it in the Mercedes and still be happy."
Then the rich guy asks "What did you get your wife?", and the regular guy says "I bought her a box of Godiva chocolates and a dildo."
The rich guy asks "Why did you get get her chocalates and a dildo?"
The regular guy says "If she doesn't like the choclates, she can return them and then go fuck herself."
They start talking and realize they have both been out shopping for their wives for Valentines Day.
The regular guy asks "What did you get your wife?", and the rich guy says, " I bought her a diamond necklace and a Mercedes Benz".
The regular guy asks, "Why did you choose both of those gifts?"
The rich guy says, "If she doesn't like the necklace, she can return it in the Mercedes and still be happy."
Then the rich guy asks "What did you get your wife?", and the regular guy says "I bought her a box of Godiva chocolates and a dildo."
The rich guy asks "Why did you get get her chocalates and a dildo?"
The regular guy says "If she doesn't like the choclates, she can return them and then go fuck herself."
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tropicannayeah
A boxer stumbles unsteadily back to his corner at the end of a very torrid first round, barely able to walk, both eyes swollen & almost closed, bleeding profusely from a broken nose and cuts to his eyebrows and his trainer says " You are doing great, your opponent hasn't laid a finger on you" the boxer looks up and with a wry smile on his face says "then you better keep an eye on the ref, because some one in the ring keeps punching me in the face"
Tipz
Active member
Older fellow decides he wants to get in shape... Joins a gym...1st day instructor is showing him how to use the machines... While using the machines he looks over ans sees a very sexy beautiful young girl, he turns to instructor and says, what machine can I use to make a girl like that interested in me???? The instructor looked over him from head to toe and said....
You can use the cash machine in the lobby! Best tipz
You can use the cash machine in the lobby! Best tipz
way to go, asshole! now MY wife is mad, too! gotta stay off of here when she is close by. "what is so funny, honey?" oh SHIT...
nukklehead
Active member
Teacher in harlem asks students to use dictate in a sentence..
Of course Jo Jo raises is hand but the teacher doesnt want to
call on him.. Shantel use the word dictate in a sentence...
Shantel says that "the world is a better place when governments dont dictate what the public can think and say"
Good job shantel.. okay jo jo what is your sentence..
Yo shantel.." how did my dick-tate in your mouth last night"
I m gonna burn for that one...
Of course Jo Jo raises is hand but the teacher doesnt want to
call on him.. Shantel use the word dictate in a sentence...
Shantel says that "the world is a better place when governments dont dictate what the public can think and say"
Good job shantel.. okay jo jo what is your sentence..
Yo shantel.." how did my dick-tate in your mouth last night"
I m gonna burn for that one...
atropurpureum
Member
me too
What's the difference between a Drummer and a large pizza? The large pizza can feed a family of four.
The worlds best Jazz Bassist and the worlds best Blues Bassist meet for lunch. Who pays the tab? Neither, food is free at the soup kitchen.
How many Bass players does it take to change a light bulb? None, the keyboard player does it with his left hand.
How many Drummers does it take to change a light bulb? Zero. None of them can afford electricity.
The worlds best Jazz Bassist and the worlds best Blues Bassist meet for lunch. Who pays the tab? Neither, food is free at the soup kitchen.
How many Bass players does it take to change a light bulb? None, the keyboard player does it with his left hand.
How many Drummers does it take to change a light bulb? Zero. None of them can afford electricity.
Someone needs to tell the Houston/Brown clan FIT A FUCKING SHOWER!
