The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[armedoldhippy]

this cannibal is out in his canoe & gets caught in a HUGE storm, ends up washing ashore up north at a gay eskimo community. they take him in, dress him warmly, feed him, and repair his outrigger for the trip back home. after a seven day paddle back south, he makes it home. his friends gather around him on the beach, amazed that he survived and astounded at his fur parka and such.
"are you going to go back & visit these people?" one of them asks. he thinks for a minute and tells them "I'm not sure. the weather is cold, there are wolves & giant white bears...but the food SUCKS!"

 

[LLL214]

joke

joke

A little boy playing in his room, mom starts to listen in,,,
he is playing with his train set, as the train goes round he stops it at the little station, and she hears him say " all you assholes that want off get off , all you assholes that want on ,get on here.
JOHNNY, yelled mom,go to bed right now!
Well about two hrs later ,mom felt he had been punished long enough, so she allowed lil johnny up,and he went on to play with the train, as she listened in she heard him say "all those that want off, get off here,all those that want on ,get on here, an any cocksucker that wants to complain about the 2 hr. delay,,, blame it on the BITCH IN THE KITCHEN....

 

[LLL214]

electrition

electrition

Mom was watching two little boys fussing with each other and figured it was time to get them interested in something else so she told the boys to go watch the crew building a house next door ,an hr. later she looks outside and sure enough ,they were building a treehouse, as she listened to them the one boy says ," just a **** hair to the right " Angered , she yells out ,"Johnny,, go get me a switch ",he looks up and yells "FUCK YOU , THAT'S AN ELECTRICIONS JOB!

 

[trichrider]

Medicare - Part G - Nursing Home Plan
Say you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no
Nursing Home care available for you. So, what do you do?
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older, a gun (Part G), and four
bullets. You are allowed to shoot four politicians.
This means, of course, that you'll be sent to prison where you'll
receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating & air
conditioning, cable TV, library, and all the Health Care you need.
Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a
hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart?
They're all covered.
As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as
they do now!
And, who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just
told you they can't afford for you to go into a home. And, you can get
rid of 4 useless politicians while you're at it.
And now, because you're a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more
income taxes.
Is this a great country or what?
Now that we've solved your senior financial planning, enjoy your week ….

 

[420somewhere]

Hey Krunchbubble...

Hey Krunchbubble...

Newest ISIS video is KINDA interesting.....

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=f08_1424123423#B3pCFKCkpMzQ4DkI.01

That's wild, I should have thought of that.

I think I'll grab thier next video and add my own subtitles.

I don't know anyone who speaks French
.

 

[mr.brunch]

Two little brothers sitting in their room. Older boy says " right, I think we're old enough to start swearing "
Then mum calls them down for breakfast. "What do you want for breakfast today John? " she says to the older boy.
He says "well, shit mum, I'll have cornflakes!"
"How dare you say that ! "She replies sternly "go to your room!"
He goes upstairs.
She turns to little jack and says " right, now , what would you like to eat?"
He thinks for a second, then replies " well, I definitely don't want fucking cornflakes "

 

[Tipz]

What's the difference btw a vibrator and a man?

 

[Tipz]

A vibrator cant mow the lawn

 

[Weezard]

Properly applied, a vibrator will kill a spider, though.

 

[MJBadger]

Properly applied, a vibrator will kill a spider, though.

I am not even sure that I want to know how you came to that conclusion & what you were doing at the time .

 

[mr.brunch]

"Quite an interesting article here." Said the wife, looking up from the paper. "They reckon that carrots can stop you getting cancer."

"Oh." I said, "I thought that was tomatoes?"


"Don't talk fucking stupid!" She snapped. "How can carrots stop you getting tomatoes?"

 

[Stonefree69]

 

[mr.brunch]

Cracker of a joke

 

[TNTBudSticker]

"If you're Dumbfounded,You found Dumb"

 

[Weezard]

A skeleton walked into a bar and said, "I'd like a beer and a mop . . .
. ."

 

[mr.brunch]

The human jawbone of the first known human found in Ethiopia has been confirmed as a female and not a male. When asked how they could be so sure a spokesman said,

"It was open. "

 

[EsterEssence]

My neighbor called me to complain, that the rabbits from my property were trying to raid his fridge...

 

[mr.brunch]

I learned two very important lessons today.

I can't remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.

 

[Stonefree69]

The old American absentmindedly arrived at French customs at Paris airport and fumbled for his passport.
"You have been to France before Monsieur?", the customs officer asked sarcastically.

The ancient Yank admitted that he had been to France before.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready for inspection", snapped the irate official.
The Old Guy said that the last time he came to France he did not have to show his passport.
"Impossible, old man. You Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France."

The old American gave the Frenchman a long hard look. "I assure you, young man, that when I came ashore on
Omaha Beach in Normandy on D-Day in 1944, there was no damned Frenchman on the beach asking for passports."

 

[Only Ornamental]

The punch line of that joke is like: What does a blond say after a blow job?

I've seen it coming.