The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[Stonefree69]

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed
a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity
music in women's breast implants.

The iTit will cost between £499.00 and £699.00
depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because
women have always complained about men staring
at their tits and not listening to them.

 

[Stonefree69]

Dumb blonde in library

[YOUTUBEIF]rbYAo-QhAeo[/YOUTUBEIF]

 

[Iffy]

I don't know, this is older than the riverside, so chances are someone still didn't hear.

Indian father sits by the fire at night, the youngest of his sons approaches and asks him
- why my eldest sister is called Crescent Moon?
- because she was conceived in the night of the Crescent Moon
- and my eldest brother, why is he called Howling Wolf?
- when conceiving him, your mother and i could hear the wolf howling
- then is my second brother Thunder Light, why is he called so?
- i remember too well that night we conceived him, big storm coming.
- i see... but what about my other sister Red Cloud?
- as you can guess, that was the colour of the sky the evening she was conceived. Now, there's a lot of hunting to do tomorrow, go to bed and no more questions, Broken Rubber

I heard one very similar;
A young buck sits next to the chief and points to a young girl carrying firewood.
"Granpa, how did you come to call Elk Sneezing her name"?
"Ah, good question boy. On the morning of the birth, the first thing I see when I leave my teepee is the name I give to the baby! Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?"

 

[Harry Gypsna]

I heard one very similar;
A young buck sits next to the chief and points to a young girl carrying firewood.
"Granpa, how did you come to call Elk Sneezing her name"?
"Ah, good question boy. On the morning of the birth, the first thing I see when I leave my teepee is the name I give to the baby! Why do you ask Two Dogs Fucking?"

The version I have is that wild horses running, and big river flowing ask, and get the answer, punchline being "2 dogs shagging kept his mouth shut"

 

[MJBadger]

There is another one .

" Father how do we get our names ""?
The child is named when the father steps out of the tepee & sees something that has meaning ".
" My father your grandfather named me Running deer , your mother is Pinto pony "
" Like your sister Morning sun , your brother Big oak tree , any more questions Dog shit by the tepee door " ?

 

[Weezard]

As long as we're digging up oldies . . .


> > A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a
> > gala event hosted by a
> > local liberal arts college.
> >
> > There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic
> > ladies in attendance,
> > one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for
> > conversation.
> >
> > "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a
> > very serious man. Is
> > something bothering you?"
> >
> > "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by
> > nature."
> >
> > The young lady looked at his awards and decorations
> > and said, "It looks like
> > you have seen a lot of action."
> >
> > "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
> >
> > The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a
> > conversation, said, "You
> > know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy
> > yourself."
> >
> > The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious
> > manner.
> >
> > Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope
> > you don't take this the wrong
> > way, but when is the last time you had
> > sex?"
> >
> > "1955, ma'am."
> >
> > "Well, there you are. No wonder you're so
> > serious. You really need to chill
> > out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his
> > hand and led him to a private
> > room where she proceeded to "relax" him
> > several times.
> >
> > Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his
> > bare chest and said,
> > "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since
> > 1955."
> >
> > The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch,
> > "I hope not;
> > it's only 2130 now."

 

[trichrider]

Sex after surgery......



A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke’s hospital saying that, after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.



A hospital spokesman replied, “Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology – all we did was correct his eyesight.”

 

[Weezard]

A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber
pistol with an 8 round magazine, and yelled, "Who in here has been screwing
my wife?"


A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You need more ammo."

 

[Stonefree69]

Postage stamps

A woman goes to the hospital.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor.
"Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my Vagina."
The Doctor had a look, chuckled and said "Those aren't postage stamps my dear, they're the sticker's from the bananas"

 

[Canniwhatsis]

A Norwegian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9.""Without numbers?" the Norwegian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Norwegian."Fair enough," says the boss.

"Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Norwegian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree "Ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Norwegian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Norwegian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go One hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Norwegian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred. So, when I start?"

 

[scuba80]

oscar pistorius lawyers say he hasnt got a leg to stand on !

 

[Harry Gypsna]

Have you heard the one about the Sadist and the Masochist?
The Masochist begged to be hurt and the Sadist said no!

 

[Weezard]

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.



When you are over sixty who gives a shit?

 

[Harry Gypsna]

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.



When you are over sixty who gives a shit?

I got chucked out of the lesiure centre for pissing in the pool.




Fair enough really, it was from the top board

 

[Weezard]

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

 

[Weezard]

This bitch looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"

I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

When you are over sixty who gives a shit?

 

[Stoner4Life]

What does PMS mean to a biker???

packin' my saddlebags.......

 

[Stonefree69]

 

[TheRealGrowShow]

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?



- none. Feminists can't change anything.

 

[TheRealGrowShow]

Two feminists are having a car race. On the final turn, they collide with each other and they both die in a horrific crash. Who wins?



- society