The joke thread, cause we all need to laugh!!!!!!

[Weezard]

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

 

[Harry Gypsna]

Some Muslim countries have banned the New Russel Crowe flick about the story of Noah. Christian groups have also complained about the fact that film has mixed in FANTASY ELEMENTS'

Don't do Irony, do they.

 

[Only Ornamental]

Hey Harry,
Walking over water is no fantasy! Penguins do that all the time (the fact that their water is frozen is just a negligible point).
Concerning resurrection and near death experience, you should read the book 'The Thanatonauts' by B. Werber .

 

[Harry Gypsna]

Hey Harry,
Walking over water is no fantasy! Penguins do that all the time (the fact that their water is frozen is just a negligible point).
Concerning resurrection and near death experience, you should read the book 'The Thanatonauts' by B. Werber .

Just googled that book..... It's Sci-Fi.... Right on same shelves as the fantasy

 

[Only Ornamental]

Just found it on Wiki...
The best part is this: Producer Scott Franklin told Entertainment Weekly, "Noah is a very short section of the Bible with a lot of gaps, so we definitely had to take some creative expression in it. But I think we stayed very true to the story and didn't really deviate from the Bible, despite the six-armed angels."
ROFL

 

[Iffy]

A true friendship...

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 pm after work.
His wife begins screaming at him as his friend sits quietly and listens.
"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes aren't done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?"
He smiled, "Because he's thinking about getting married."

 

[stinkyigloo]

A nazi walks into a BAR. He dies.

A man comes into a bar...
No, wait, it was a horse.
A man comes into a horse.

A horse walks into a bar. Several people immediately recognize the danger in the situation and leave.

 

[stinkyigloo]

So, a man walks into a bar with a monkey. I forgot the rest of the joke but your mom is a whore.

A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre, so the bartender gave her one!

 

[stinkyigloo]

^^ Ha posted them in the wrong thread. baked.

 

[dddaver]

This IS the joke thread isn't it?

I think you need to put that down and slowly back away.

 

[stinkyigloo]

I actually thought i was in the a guy walks into a bar thread.

 

[Harry Gypsna]

A man walks into a bar and says
"Ow, fuck, who the fuck left that bar at head level?".

 

[PizzaMan5000]

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo? I wouldn't pay money to have a garbonzo on my face

 

[Only Ornamental]

Perv!

 

[Iffy]

Not So Sick...
A Chinese man rings his boss; "Me no work, I sick boss!"
His boss replies; "When im sick I fuck my wife good, you try that!"
Two hours later chinese man rings back "Me better, you got nice house boss!"

 

[Hank Hemp]

Haven't you told that one a few times Iffy?

 

[Iffy]

What was I saying again?

What was I saying again?

Haven't you told that one a few times Iffy?

Very probably Hank, I'm not getting any younger. I tend to forget..... WTF?

Anyway;
You can usually tell if a woman likes you by what she does with her feet.
If she's tucked them behind her ears then she really likes you!

 

[5th]

Well thats the thing about a good joke...they should be repeated. Not beat to death or anything...but if it's funny...hell why not right?

Like this lil' gem....


This guy visits the doctors and says, "Doc, I think I've got a sex problem. I cant get it up for my wife anymore." The doctor says, "Come back tomorrow and bring her with you." The next day, the guy shows up with his wife. The doctor says to the wife, "Take off your clothes and lie on the table." She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down. He pulls the guy to the side and says, "You're fine. She doesn't give me a hard-on, either."

 

[Hank Hemp]

Yeah that's a old one for sure. 5th

 

[Hank Hemp]

Wish I'd known that.

Wish I'd known that.

Anyway;
You can usually tell if a woman likes you by what she does with her feet.
If she's tucked them behind her ears then she really likes you![/QUOTE]

The last one who did that I thought she was Batlady!!