The struggles of a grower...

[zamzia]

Hope you get your head straight Snype. I struggle with depression and anxiety. Got to the point where I gave up rejecting going on prescription tablets as I'd hit an all time low for me. That was October 2012. I've had group therapy and one on one counselling since and although I will always be a depressive, I feel a lot more level and when my mood does drop I can bring myself on to level ground again without it going too far. It amazed me how many of my friends that admitted to have taken/take prescription meds for depression once I was honest with them about my state of mind. It does help to talk. Here is a good place because we all have something in common from the off. Chin up fella.

 

[OvergrowDaWorld]

3 points that have helped me understand the... WHY?.....

1- All creation/life is subject to frustration.

2- Satan was givin authority to make war with the saints and to wear them down through frustration.

3- This is a cursed world. Satan is its God.

You dont belong here Snype. Your just a traveler, traveling through this mess.
Its a gift and a curse to know the truth.

 

[stoned-trout]

go get some strange and fuck her brains out......

 

[Snype]

go get some strange and fuck her brains out......

I'm not really into sex. I'm the type of guy that needs a real stable long term relationship to do those types of things. It's just not my thing.

 

[OvergrowDaWorld]

^^^^Im the same way. I have beautiful girls interested in me. I always watch and wait. Usually the girl is bending over for another guy within wks or even days of wanting to hookup with me. Nasty! Its been 6 years since I made love to my ex wife.
I get strange looks from aquaintences when I tell them its been that long.
I tell a woman straight out. If Im gonna give in before marriage, and you arent interested in marriage, than we cant date. Your too hot. Ill tease the hell outa myself. Im not gonna put myself through that so I stay alone.

 

[RB56]

I figured out too many things about humans that is helping to make me crazy to see what the light actually is. It's troubling to me. I don't expect anyone to understand what I'm talking about. I'll just keep it to myself before they put me in a straight jacket for thinking different.

You're thinking too much - unless you're willing to sacrifice yourself to change the world. You gain nothing making yourself unhappy by expecting too much from other humans. We are animals and a some number of us will make unpleasant choices.

Have you ever thought about what a vagina really is? Think about it too much and you'll never put your dick in one again. Life is a lot like that. It's really easy to miss the good stuff if you spend too much time on the bad. The great advantage we have is some control over our minds. Leave the labels to others. I think the real key is learning enough about ourselves to know when trouble is brewing and learning the best way to get back on track for us.

Keep plugging.

 

[Snype]

I'm feeling much better today. I actually got some work done which is good. I'm still not hungry. The past 6 days I had 5 bananas, 1 apple, and 1 slice of pizza. My cheek bones are coming out of my face and my ribs are also showing. That got me to get on a scale to see what was going on and I weighed 136 pounds. I'm 5'11" and usually weigh about 165-175 pounds. For some reason I'm just not hungry or thirsty. My body is eating itself. I'm about to force myself to have a bowl of soup and go to bed. I've been chain smoking over 2 packs of cigs a day but I just ran out. Supplies come tomorrow! I'm excited that I'll be leaving the farm in a little over 2 weeks to do some traveling! I don't really have a plan except to bring 40k with me to the casino to play some high stakes baccarat. Anyone who is familiar with the game knows how fun it is to pull the cards out of the shoe playing Macau style. The guy with the biggest bet gets to pull the cards. I'll be the only white person at the table surrounded with Chinese ballers. The free room they hook me up with there has 3 bathrooms in it and about 4 other rooms with a full bar, living room and dining room with 2 separate bedrooms. Should be a good time. I'll most likely also play some poker. Most likely the 5/10 NL or the 10/25 NL if anyone is playing. There will definitely be a 5/10 going on but the 10/25 NL is hard to get the table to fill. Last time I was there I was playing with James Woods.

 

[sahdgrower]

Hey Snype,

Bummed you are not well. I hope you don't take this wrong but for a while I didn't like you. I felt like you kinda left me hangin on my thread, but it's all good. I am doing fine on my own and you owed me nothing ever. Anyway I bring this up because after reading through a bunch of this thread it occurs to me that you may just have a conflicting personality to me (and the world in general), in other words I (we) just don't understand you. I have the same problem with my wife. Have you ever heard of Meyers-Briggs personality typing? My wife is an INTJ (categorized as "The Mastermind") which is kind of like oil and water with my personality type (ESFP "The Entertainer"). The INTJ is one of the more rare personality types and I think you may fall into this category. Typically they are very intelligent, organized and big picture oriented. I on the other hand live day to day (which is a more common trait among humans than foresight). Basically I think the only reason my wife can tolerate my personality type is that I am intelligent enough to overcome some of the downsides of my natural tendencies. So there is a forum for INTJ's and as I read through that I understood my wife better and why society is annoying and difficult for her.

It may be very enlightening for you to read a little on INTJ and other personality types. While it may not offer any healing it may offer some insight as to how other people think and why, it may help you understand how better to relate to others and also how to mitigate some of your own qualities that cause you stress.

I don't mean to sound like a two bit shrink, just trying to help. I feel I owe YOU something. Also on that note, in a former life I was a general contractor and I know a shit ton about building so any/all advice you need on construction (techniques, tools, materials etc.) Please shoot em my way. I will take some considerable time to answer any questions you have thoroughly and accurately with varying options depending on your specific needs.

 

[Corpsey]

you are not alone dude, there are plenty of us who have all been there or are there now.
i hope you make it around the track again, but remember this won't be the last time you feel this way. you have to prepare somewhat when your not feeling this way, so you can at least try to head it off when your stuck in it.
of course diet and exercise helps but check out l-theanine if you have not already.

I hope you enjoy your travels.

 

[Snype]

Hey Snype,

Bummed you are not well. I hope you don't take this wrong but for a while I didn't like you. I felt like you kinda left me hangin on my thread, but it's all good. I am doing fine on my own and you owed me nothing ever. Anyway I bring this up because after reading through a bunch of this thread it occurs to me that you may just have a conflicting personality to me (and the world in general), in other words I (we) just don't understand you. I have the same problem with my wife. Have you ever heard of Meyers-Briggs personality typing? My wife is an INTJ (categorized as "The Mastermind") which is kind of like oil and water with my personality type (ESFP "The Entertainer"). The INTJ is one of the more rare personality types and I think you may fall into this category. Typically they are very intelligent, organized and big picture oriented. I on the other hand live day to day (which is a more common trait among humans than foresight). Basically I think the only reason my wife can tolerate my personality type is that I am intelligent enough to overcome some of the downsides of my natural tendencies. So there is a forum for INTJ's and as I read through that I understood my wife better and why society is annoying and difficult for her.

It may be very enlightening for you to read a little on INTJ and other personality types. While it may not offer any healing it may offer some insight as to how other people think and why, it may help you understand how better to relate to others and also how to mitigate some of your own qualities that cause you stress.

I don't mean to sound like a two bit shrink, just trying to help. I feel I owe YOU something. Also on that note, in a former life I was a general contractor and I know a shit ton about building so any/all advice you need on construction (techniques, tools, materials etc.) Please shoot em my way. I will take some considerable time to answer any questions you have thoroughly and accurately with varying options depending on your specific needs.

I don't take anything you say the wrong way. Helping people on these forums can be very stressful for me sometimes. It's been like that for years. I can't get too involved with individual folks sometimes because it can be stressful. Don't take that the wrong way. That's really cool what you said about personality types. Your situation sounds very similar to me and Snypette. I can probably relate to your wife with what you are saying. I'll do some research on the subject. I come from a family of contractors. I was a union carpenter in the late 90's. I didn't work much though and spent most of my days picketing non union jobs for $500 a week instead of getting jobs. Thanks for the help!

Edit: Wow I just read about the INTJ personality and it almost described me to a T. Pretty crazy. Thanks for that information, i've never heard of it before. I only knew that I was a type-a personality but now I see there's more details. Only thing about it though is that I'm not private and say exactly what is on my mind so I don't know if that takes me out of that category. Besides that, everything seemed to fit perfectly.

 

[sahdgrower]

Nah it doesn't take you out of the category. Each individual expresses differently. Each person has lived a life that leads to a different path. Your natural tendencies always are modified by those around you and how you have figured out to fit in or withdraw those specific aspects of your character. My wife for example does not seem to be introverted, that is due to the fact though that in her life she felt forced to extraversion and did all kinds of analysis on how to achieve it. It is not her natural self but really a mechanism to avoid deal with people that did not understand her. That Meyers-Briggs personality typing is used by major corporations to asess teams and how they can work better with each other. You can actually pay a bit of money to have the testing/analysis done with consultations with people who have studied the system and how to apply it. If you are flush for cash probably couldn't hurt to throw a couple hundo's at the prob.

I also totally understand why you stopped helping me. I would have done the same thing. I was obsessing over shit I didn't need to and ignoring things I ought to pay more attention to. Plus you have an obsessive personality so you were spending too much energy on my stupid puny grow. It's cool. I am learning more by doing it myself anyway. Also I figure if I ever have any pressing need I can always PM you.

Edit: INTJ's are all about strategies. At an early age you saw privacy to be a shortcoming rather than an asset so you developed your own strategy for avoiding that shortcoming. I see you as a pure strategist. Numbers too, my wife is obsessed with numbers. Shit I bet you would get along great with her. If I could just get her addicted to growing pot like I am we would have warehouses too! She doesn't half ass!

 

[Snype]

Nah it doesn't take you out of the category. Each individual expresses differently. Each person has lived a life that leads to a different path. Your natural tendencies always are modified by those around you and how you have figured out to fit in or withdraw those specific aspects of your character. My wife for example does not seem to be introverted, that is due to the fact though that in her life she felt forced to extraversion and did all kinds of analysis on how to achieve it. It is not her natural self but really a mechanism to avoid deal with people that did not understand her. That Meyers-Briggs personality typing is used by major corporations to asess teams and how they can work better with each other. You can actually pay a bit of money to have the testing/analysis done with consultations with people who have studied the system and how to apply it. If you are flush for cash probably couldn't hurt to throw a couple hundo's at the prob.

I also totally understand why you stopped helping me. I would have done the same thing. I was obsessing over shit I didn't need to and ignoring things I ought to pay more attention to. Plus you have an obsessive personality so you were spending too much energy on my stupid puny grow. It's cool. I am learning more by doing it myself anyway. Also I figure if I ever have any pressing need I can always PM you.

Well I took a personality test and it came back as ENTJ not INTJ. When I read the ENTJ information it seemed to relate to me as well. Maybe I'm a combination of both. Not sure. As far as helping you in the past, you are right I have an obsessive personality. When I help some people, I seem to care about their grow more than mine. This has really hurt me in the past. There would be times where I would be helping someone and next thing you know they are going to bed and I'm all pissed off thinking about your plants. There are times where I can feel another persons grow through the internet with no pictures. I can diagnose problems with feelings and words when i'm in the right state of mind. I also felt like I wasn't getting all the details exactly when I needed them. Not trying to be rude, it's just how I felt. I can be real anal with things sometimes, actually all the time. I can relate to people like spurr who used to be on this site. People were so focused with the way that he was talking but not on how informative his information was. The way that he came off wasn't real nice but you could tell he couldn't really control it and wasn't trying to be rude. That's kind of how I am but I try to think about things more before I talk these days because people get so offended with me. It's funny how some people see me as offensive and some people don't, even when they both are reading the same post. I'll never understand that.

 

[sahdgrower]

It's totally about personality type. The more you read that shit it's like going to a psychic or something. Not that I believe that psychic shit. I absolutely get what you mean, people are squishy, those who deal in hard facts have a hard time with this. Not sure if you know the cultural reference but Sheldon from Big Bang Theory is classic example. Why is it offensive if it is true? Unfortunately I stress people are squishy, takes all of my intellect to overcome my girlish feelings. Very annoying. The facts are what drew me to your posts, not your bedside manner. I could tell I was annoying you though, if you look back I sent you a PM saying that I would keep my posts down ( I was thinking so as not to bother you too much) that just annoyed you further because you wouldn't have the data on a timely basis to avoid any issues. Pretty funny when you step back and analyze how people just fail to communicate. They can both be on the exact same page as to goals/desires but still totally not get there due to failure to understand that they were indeed on the same page.

 

[redlaser]

I'm feeling much better today. I actually got some work done which is good. I'm still not hungry. The past 6 days I had 5 bananas, 1 apple, and 1 slice of pizza. My cheek bones are coming out of my face and my ribs are also showing. That got me to get on a scale to see what was going on and I weighed 136 pounds. I'm 5'11" and usually weigh about 165-175 pounds. For some reason I'm just not hungry or thirsty. My body is eating itself. I'm about to force myself to have a bowl of soup and go to bed.

You already know this but at 5'11" and 136 lbs you need to eat better. I haven't had much of an appetite in three years and I am down to 165 at 5'11" so I know how skinny that is. If you don't take care of yourself there will be no one to take care of the things you care about.

 

[RoadRash]

Back in the 80's I remember reading about a grower in (I think) Sinsemilla Tips, describing a Grower's Version of Cabin fever.

He split & visited family in San Diego. Then headed back north & finished off the grow.

 

[Backyard Farmer]

Relating to you tonight bro!

When you just want people to care as much as you do and they don't understand how to or even see your perspective, it can fuck up your head.

Try to work on not giving a fuck if it doesn't effect you directly. Losing sleep over why a horse won't drink when you brought it to the water hole is a fool errand and we all know what's to be done with a lame horse

 

[stoned-trout]

life aint right. get a release and get back in da game.....I lost 345k and my moms... my ex screwed me over and now has my moms and my customers......I now live in trailor in foothills......your troubles could be worse....o did I say obuummer care got me booted out of my previous healthcare...ya cancer is a bitch and obummer can kiss my ass.....prob 60 days till med meds roll in again,,,,,,YOU DONT KNOW STRUGLES YET bro///your just having a crisis of mind.....peace bro I hope it works out for you....davesnothere or superman for that matter

 

[Snype]

Well guys, I've been back to my manic self for the last 4 days. I've been working my ass off. I'm harvesting in a week and then traveling for a few months. I figured a lot of things out. My 3 year deadline has changed now to a 1.5 year deadline. lol. I don't move trees anymore. I'm turning all my crops into Hash Oil instead and can now make over 5k per pound of trees. This is a game changer for me.I'm going to produce 2 million in oil in the next 1.5 years. shhhhhhh

 

[Primalraindrop]

Currently my car is not working. Cabin fever is a bitch!

 

[HOVAH2.0]

I was an "Off the top of my head person" but now I realize it wasn't a smart move. My mother always told me anyone can say something bad, but saying something good requires thought and purpose. Ive learned to live by those words, and keep my mouth closed tight. if you really want something.

Trying very very very hard to be the best man, indeed.