The struggles of a grower...

[norcal_sourD]

Dudebro. Get your ass out in the elements and take charge of your self. Put on your big boy pants and man the freak up! Lot's of folks would kill to be in your shoes!! You can't control how other people take your sage advice so why make yourself crazy makin them understand the truth in your methods? You have a killer sounding spot, yet it sounds like you're looking forward to the next spot?! I thought you had dreamed about being in a farm location for years? Now you want the next spot?? No one is forcing you to do what you do and be you Snype.. Ya gotta realize that. From your writings and having a close member of my fam with manic depression, ya need to get ur ass in to the doc's.

But besides that, ya need to not let "other's" decisions rule your psyche and take control of your own by taking control of anything, everything you can in YOUR life. You CAN take a walk around your property. You CAN take care of your plants, You CAN take control of your diet. Don't obsess over what you "can't" control as there is no controlling that. Not tryin to come off as a dick, but I'm tryin to give ya some tough love bro! We all need it at times. So flame away if ya must, but I felt like it had to be said. Just keep puttin one foot in front of the other man. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Peace.

 

[Snype]

Dudebro. Get your ass out in the elements and take charge of your self. Put on your big boy pants and man the freak up! Lot's of folks would kill to be in your shoes!! You can't control how other people take your sage advice so why make yourself crazy makin them understand the truth in your methods? You have a killer sounding spot, yet it sounds like you're looking forward to the next spot?! I thought you had dreamed about being in a farm location for years? Now you want the next spot?? No one is forcing you to do what you do and be you Snype.. Ya gotta realize that. From your writings and having a close member of my fam with manic depression, ya need to get ur ass in to the doc's.

But besides that, ya need to not let "other's" decisions rule your psyche and take control of your own by taking control of anything, everything you can in YOUR life. You CAN take a walk around your property. You CAN take care of your plants, You CAN take control of your diet. Don't obsess over what you "can't" control as there is no controlling that. Not tryin to come off as a dick, but I'm tryin to give ya some tough love bro! We all need it at times. So flame away if ya must, but I felt like it had to be said. Just keep puttin one foot in front of the other man. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Peace.

I completely agree. There's more to the story that I haven't really stated about why I have to leave this farm. Remember that all my grows are completely illegal. When a spot is compromised, it's basically over. My last location ended with 3 people who broke in my grow trying to kill me. It was a very bad experience and these people knew nothing about the grow until my other spot got robbed a few weeks before by a new partner that I new for many years. The details are too long but the point is that sometimes a plan goes to shit and now you have to regroup and make different plans for ones safety and peace of mind. This specific grow was never meant to be run alone. So what does that mean, it means that people who shouldn't know about a future now private operation, now know. When someone robs a bank, they are lucky to get 10k but a grow can hold much more than that. I've gotten robbed many times from partners and workers. It is what it is. That's why I have to make better decisions for future grows. People who are going to rob you usually have nothing to lose. They can be very desperate. They don't let you know that they are coming for you. In my last spot, I was lucky to get out with my life. Even though I called the police because I thought my friend was dead, the guys kept coming back and tried to kick down the door. They wouldn't stop coming. They didn't give a fuck. I can never forget what happened to me over there as well as other situations like that that happened to me in the past. That's why I got the other farm and am going there. No one at all knows about that place except for me and if I'm going to grow in peace then I have to switch plans. When one chooses to make a living in this business, one is making a sacrifice. I don't think anyone disagrees with this. There is also risk to reward that has to be put into the equation. As a business, I have to think about these things, I don't have a crew to delegate anything to. This is the most cut throat times that I've ever seen in the current market. Many growers will or have already gone out of business with the way that things are playing out. One must plan accordingly if he is to continue to survive and not just survive but make the right amount per risk to reward. Now if you do this for a living and you're risking years in jail for 50k - 100k then I don't see those numbers being worth it in a risk to reward basis. So I have to evaluate my market and be somewhat conservative because things can change. I'm basing my numbers on 3k a p but the numbers are actually between 3 and 4 but I feel like they can get down to 25 a p within 3 years at the worst case (east coast). So lets try to put some lights onto paper to add up some numbers. Even though I get 2 pounds a light, it's good to be more conservative so I will have to say 1.5 pounds per light. Now lets say you have 16,000 Watts for flowering. That's 24 pounds roughly 4 times per year. Multiply that by 3k and you get 72k. So you're talking about 288k running full time and then you still got at least 10% in expenses and 50k for life and food which leaves you with 200k if you run full year with no breaks. Things have changed from 6 years ago when I had no problem moving p's for 6k. Now the profit margin has really shrunk compared to those times. In terms of risk to reward, those numbers are like the bare minimum for me for it to be worth it. Before I can make the same amount with 8 lights and did. So It's obvious that I'm going to have to work my ass off and be strong for a few years and make the total sacrifice. It's just tough mentally sometimes but I don't see it any other way. Just like in real life, most of the people on this site will not be rich. Most people on this site could get rich if they wanted to but it would require much more sacrifice than most people want to give. It's like a lot of times you can't have it both ways. I make the sacrifice's that I do so I can move on to a different stage of my life. Now I'm not saying that a human has to define themselves successful as being rich. Most people have different definitions of what being successful is. Personally, if I'm not rich, I'm not successful. I was already rich once and I blew it. I blew it doing what some of you are telling me to do. I played hardcore. I saw the world. Had all the fun I needed for a lifetime. Now it's time to buckle down and do it all over again without the spending. To make it in this current market is going to take massive dedication to make it to seven figures. That's my ultimate goal and I know I'm going to have to lose my life to get there. Most of you may not understand but some of you may. Maybe I'm wrong in the way that I'm thinking but this is the way that I think.

 

[Crocodile OG]

Didnt realise you were non medical. Im not either. So I completely understand where you are coming from.

Never been robbed. Touch wood.

I honestly dont have advice on that front. I dont know what I would do in that situation. Had two knock and talks though. Scary shit but they have to play by the rules robbers dont.

I'm a one man show so I can relate there. I live like a hermit and the only socializing I do is with family and customers. I dont have trimmers or even trimming machines and I have less than 16k going. Honestly bro I dont know how you do that much by yourself. Respect.

Short term you need to kick start your endorphins. Watch a couple of comedy clips on youtube. It will help.

You say its for the money but I think its because you dont want to let people down. Its a tough life and not many can do it. You must be a good hearted dude.

We love you grow bro

 

[Bad Habits]

First, you really need to work on your diet dude. Having roller coaster blood sugar levels has a substantial effect on your emotional, mental and physical state. Eat some protein, carbs, fats, and make sure you get some fruits and veggies in. Your health is imperative.

My brother is manic-depressive. He refuses to take any pharmaceutical meds, and only self-medicates with cannabis. He was so terrible to be around (psychological and physical abuse) that I had to end my relationship with him 10 years ago. I just couldn't take it anymore. There was no positives to engaging him in any kind of way.

Now, I don't know you personally, but I do know what it's like to be around a bipolar person. You say you have employee relations problems. Don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever considered that maybe the employees had a hard time being around you because of your mental state? Like I said, I don't know you and I'm not trying to offend you, but I know first-hand how difficult it can be to be around someone who is manic depressive. Have you ever tried pharmaceutical meds at all? I know bipolar people LOVE the world when they are manic, so the idea of "taming" it with pills just seems illogical and insane to them. However, for us "normal" folks who have to be around them, those same pills can make it possible to have a normal relationship with them. Just something to maybe ponder. And again, no disrespect intended.

I would also highly encourage trying to get some kind of physical exercise. Set a timer on your phone. Every 3 hours do 20 pushups, 5 pullups, and 10 lying leg raises. Repeat every 3 hours. This is just an example, but forming some kind of routine similar to that can be extremely beneficial. It can help a ton to just take that small break and get some blood flowing your body.

I hope you don't stay in this depressed state too long and you can get back to work and take your mind off things. Best of luck.

 

[Snype]

Didnt realise you were non medical. Im not either. So I completely understand where you are coming from.

Never been robbed. Touch wood.

I honestly dont have advice on that front. I dont know what I would do in that situation. Had two knock and talks though. Scary shit but they have to play by the rules robbers dont.

I'm a one man show so I can relate there. I live like a hermit and the only socializing I do is with family and customers. I dont have trimmers or even trimming machines and I have less than 16k going. Honestly bro I dont know how you do that much by yourself. Respect.

Short term you need to kick start your endorphins. Watch a couple of comedy clips on youtube. It will help.

You say its for the money but I think its because you dont want to let people down. Its a tough life and not many can do it. You must be a good hearted dude.

We love you grow bro

I spend a lot of time analyzing life. Probably too much time. My mind doesn't turn off. I got a type A personality so I usually deal with a lot of stress. When I came to this farm, I was coming from a bad place. Like I said I had got robbed and was homeless after I spent most of the money that I had left at the Casino. See more fun times. LOL! I think that trip cost me about 35k. I still had pounds of trim that didn't get taken from the robbery that I kept in storage and my equipment as my back up for another location and grow. So when things got to their worst point, I made about a pound of Hash Oil and got it all off on CL in small quantities. I was surprised at how fast it actually went but I got my chance again and ran for it. I basically had enough to buy everything that i needed without doing too much construction on the grow. So it requires more work. This grow was actually over 19,000 watts plus VEG. It was a massive work load for me. Most of it is shut down now and I'm taking down the last harvest in a couple weeks to figure things out and make sure my plan is right for the next move. I'll probably end up going to Amsterdam to figure it all out. That's where I usually go to figure out my life for some reason. I believe that I can set up my next grow and have less work if I set it up right from the start. I never came into a grow and did all the construction from the start. It was always a work in progress but I built up enough funds now to go all out this time. I'm thinking about setting up my MOMs in Soil with Blumats instead of the hand watering. With the RDWC systems, I can add secondary rez's via float valves. I keep a lot of data so I can easily set up a secondary rez with a specific strength of nutes and pH for the time to keep the regular controller where it needs to be. I can have more of a schedule that is written down on a calendar to show me when I prune or take clones so I can plan things accordingly. For about 10 years I had many grows that I only visited every 2 weeks. That was E&F though and RDWC is much more complicated because I'm not growing SOG. But with the knowledge that I have, I know I can get it done but I just have to keep my mind together which gets tough sometimes. You guys helped put me back in my place for now.

 

[Snype]

First, you really need to work on your diet dude. Having roller coaster blood sugar levels has a substantial effect on your emotional, mental and physical state. Eat some protein, carbs, fats, and make sure you get some fruits and veggies in. Your health is imperative.

My brother is manic-depressive. He refuses to take any pharmaceutical meds, and only self-medicates with cannabis. He was so terrible to be around (psychological and physical abuse) that I had to end my relationship with him 10 years ago. I just couldn't take it anymore. There was no positives to engaging him in any kind of way.

Now, I don't know you personally, but I do know what it's like to be around a bipolar person. You say you have employee relations problems. Don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever considered that maybe the employees had a hard time being around you because of your mental state? Like I said, I don't know you and I'm not trying to offend you, but I know first-hand how difficult it can be to be around someone who is manic depressive. Have you ever tried pharmaceutical meds at all? I know bipolar people LOVE the world when they are manic, so the idea of "taming" it with pills just seems illogical and insane to them. However, for us "normal" folks who have to be around them, those same pills can make it possible to have a normal relationship with them. Just something to maybe ponder. And again, no disrespect intended.

I would also highly encourage trying to get some kind of physical exercise. Set a timer on your phone. Every 3 hours do 20 pushups, 5 pullups, and 10 lying leg raises. Repeat every 3 hours. This is just an example, but forming some kind of routine similar to that can be extremely beneficial. It can help a ton to just take that small break and get some blood flowing your body.

I hope you don't stay in this depressed state too long and you can get back to work and take your mind off things. Best of luck.

Yeah, you make some good points because I expect a certain level of work in the people that have worked for me in the past. When it's obvious that they don't do the job right and don't want to learn anything, of course I can be an asshole. All of the plant work is very easy, you just have to also be able to use your mind as you are working. Most people don't want to use their heads. They want be told what to do but those people don't do well in this business to begin with. Most of the people want the big money without making the sacrifice and doing bum work. They are more interested in the money than learning how to do the job correctly. For example, just hand watering a pot and learning how much moisture should be in the soil before it needs to be watered again. A lot of people have no idea how to water a pot of soil. So I teach them to weigh the pot on a scale and have all the numbers of when they need to be watered. So you explain to these workers how to use the scale and then when you are not in the room they are over watering and under watering pots because they just don't give a fuck. Then they want more money and you explain to them that if they did the work the right way, there would be more product which would equal more money for everyone. By the way some of these people were making thousands of dollars and doing almost nothing. This is just one thing. pH is another easy thing that no one around me wants to pay attention to no matter how I say it. So yeah, of course people like this wouldn't want to work with a guy like me. I'm a fucking asshole. All that I can tell you is that when you go to McDonalds, all the food is going to be similar where ever you go. When you order your pizza, it doesn't matter if you put the cheese on the right way, put on the pepperoni and sauce the right way, but then you fucked up the dough or burned the pizza to a crisp. How many times a day is your boss going to let you fuck up the pizza before he lets you go. It's like I'm supposed to tell everyone "that's great, you did that so well" and I'm not supposed to talk about why the plant looks like it's going to die because of what they did to it. It was like an every day thing that big mistakes were being made unless I was taking care of the rooms. That's unacceptable. I just tell it how it is.

 

[Grow_engineer]

Hard to read, hard to imagine.

Use a fridge to store rooted clones of all your mother Plants (can be easy done for more than 30days @7°C), build up a "Tropf-Blumat"-wateringsystem (http://www.blumat.de/tropfblumat.html) that waters yout plants and get away from EVERYTHING for at least a week. Sometimes you have to look on things from a wider angle...

Keep it up man!
Greetings from Germany

 

[Crocodile OG]

Amsterdam sounds like fun. Its a 20+hr flight for me.

Ive only had one holiday in almost 20 yrs. And that was to Cali and Vegas.

It was awesome to be able to go to a couple of dispensaries and buy bud and stuff off the shelf. Those guys as much as they complain about prices are so f★★king lucky.

And to be able to spend a couple of hours in Vegas shooting machine guns was awesome.

What I did in USA in ten days legally I would have gone to jail for life here. Lol!!!

 

[mojave green]

Watch a couple of comedy clips on youtube. It will help.

sponge bob works for me!

 

[GanjaRebelSeeds]

Snype, I can feel you on a lot of this.
When growing becomes all you do, all you think about, all you know. And know one else seems to take it as serious as you.
Thats when you forget what you enjoy about life besides growing and what's fun for you outside of growing.
It's a burden and a curse. But also is a level of devotion few know.
Been there.
Spring is coming, life is a cycle, you'll be back up soon enough, question is how can you make it last.
Good luck bro.

Peace

 

[yortbogey]

" If you are nothing but your work, ... then what are you when your not working, ... NOTHING ".....

think about it...

 

[stoned-trout]

sometimes life sucks.you aint the only one hurtin...I lost everything,my mom plants were stolen and my health is going fast....my ex evil bitch got a grower partner and is now dealing with all my now ex med friends and selling my weed to em.i worked with the strain for quite a while...if I had a farm I wouldn't be complaining one bit....theres always someone worse off than you.....I do have a car with only 60k miles and I got some grow gear and my seeds tho... good luck and keep struggling...supermanlives

 

[RoadRash]

stay strong bro ,are you short on cash ?is this why you are not eating?,i wish there was something I could do to help,just keep working set short term goals ,day to day stuff make a list and check it off when each thing is completed ,....

One word: Diet - something easy to focus on.

I call it the Vancouver diet. I was in an apartment from Hell. It was quiet during the day. Just not at night. Like, when you were sleeping/ trying to sleep.

To cope with it, I started force-feeding myself. 12 to 16 fresh fruits & vegs a day. multiple sources of protein. etc.

After about a month on that, my mind turned back. My background is in design, so it's normal for me to have an image pop into my brain. I remember one of them, a 14 x 14 array of LED's for an LED light. But it was like BING ! My mind turned back on.


When you're down to your Mental "C Game" (your mental "A" game and "B" games have washed away) - I think it's very important to ACCEPT IT.

I had some of that myself this winter. Outside temps in the 00's, inside temps in the 40's. After while, besides meals, I just sat in bed and read - only place to stay warm.

Normally something I would not do, during the day, when there's work to be done.


I had a woman artist friend that had a bipolar aspect to her emotions. She would cancel dates & the cancellations would have something to do with her "Bipolar" ... or her periods ... or maybe it was the menopause onsetting - who knew ?

She did really nice Decoupache plates, and when she wasn't up for it, she would beat herself up.


Sometimes you're creative, sometimes you're not, and it's all about "graceful survival."


Plan B ... or maybe Z ... Go Skiing ?

 

[bigshrimp]

Inhale - exhale, there is a universe of tranquility and pleasure in breathing.

Slow down and try and remember that life is now, not back then and not in the future.

Glad to hear your feeling better. You know you just have to break that cycle - easier said than done though.

Tai Chi has done wonders for my stress levels.

wish you the best

shrimp

 

[EsterEssence]

I live by myself in a remote spot as well, on a ranch that now at 60 and with the way my wrist is there is no way i can take care of it by myself. I sometimes sit and become frustrated that i can't do what i used to be able to do to take care of my place. I just have to be thankful that i can still do some hobbies, grow a little weed, and listen to the birds. When I do go to the city all i wanna do is get the hell out of the vampire energy sucking place anyway.

 

[lost in a sea]

you sound like atlas snype,, carrying far too much on your shoulders, now and for the future.

but if you run yourself into the ground with depression and lack of good food you will lose more, so please try and take a good few hours everynight to eat some good food and find someone to make you laugh and take your mind off what has become a tedious and stressful repetititive situation. love yourself and be proud, you're a great person!

i think alot of people in this community can identify with how you are feeling.

 

[wantaknow]

at the very least set out in the sun and get a tan ,set back ,have a drink and a smoke ,get some vitiman d from the sun ,relax,with what you have at hand ,just sit back for a couple hours a day ,every day at the same time ,make time for your self daily ,it will help a lot .....

 

[dreaded]

Snype... I can't add more to what have been said...
you have to eat...if you like fruits...next time your out pick up alot of different fruits that you like...they are quick energy...plus...if your not eating right....what you eat needs to be right.......salads... nuts..all quick foods....
i'm no psych neither...but just by talking to you ...i can tell you have a strong mind... if you didn't.. you wouldn't be on point on things... everyone don't take notes.... 5 yrs. ago i couldn't tell you what i fed my plants the day before...
i'm rambling... but hope you get something out of this... your a good dude...people used to try to take advantage of me....i cut them off...don't need new friends...now i'm isolated...stopped going places....added more plants cause i got time on my hands......enough about me...lol...you even said that it was crowded in my veg room... i'm in a 2 bdrm house....don't have room......i have been thinking of sleeping in the living room then i'd have more room for the plants...

see where i'm going(^^that's true by the way about me..lol)

eat better...take a mini vacation(my mind probably couldn't take more than 3-4 days tops around to many people)... stay strong...stay positive.....wanna talk..pm me(warning..i'm a strait shooter)....don't wanna talk to me...talk in open forum.....we love you..if we didn't..you wouldn't be working on pg.4 after 1 day...

enough rambling...haha sorry...
p.s. i like what Yortbogey said ^^

 

[DETStrainKey]

I have been in a dark spot similar where i kept loosing two brothers and friends Just keep moving... your on your way to greatness your going thru the struggle and sacrifice now soon you will be A OK MY FRIEND.... Stay strong and believe in yourself! IF YOUR STILL NOT EATING TRY DIFFERENT TEAS THERE GREAT IN THE MORNING I WENT THRU THE SAME THING IS ALL I COULD DRINK IN THE MORNING.

 

[EsterEssence]

Maybe try some meditation all of the emotions you are feeling come from thoughts, go to the root and start there...