Hey guys just wanted to say thanks. I have been through a lot this year. I left California for a few months and have tried to get on with my mental and physical health. Stay away from the internet and tv, etc. I still have bad days but they are less frequent and are more tolerable then before. Drinking has been cut out pretty much but it still happens here and there. I think i will get on ok but i feel empty in ways. Maybe that's just the new reality. Hoping for spring to come soon to start planting things like fruit trees and a vegetable garden. Doing stuff like that usually makes me happy. Holidays haven't been to bad i think being away during them helped.
Severe Depression
- Thread starter Jibman
- Start date
Well if the drinking was taking up a lot of your time then having cut that out mostly has left voids in your routine and so perhaps that's where the feeling of emptiness comes from? If so then just fill those spaces with something more positive and then hopefully that emptiness will fade away.
lumberjack.mr
Active member
about depression
about depression
ive been sitting here for a while reading various post and reply s &and it comes to my attention; there are a lot of people who are in just as bad a shape as me, and i'm not crazy for feeling like giving up the fight. So i feel a little ;less stress about teh hell i am being forced into! terminal renal failure dictates that i submit to dialysis if i wish to continue living. But i have had over 33 operations now, and been fighting for more than ten years. I have a beautiful wife and five children, and we live in a home on land we own, along with the lease properties for income. I know I am dying . I feel it more and more each day. But the pain that hurts me the most is the pain i cause my loved ones. I see it in their eyes when they look at me and turn away, trying not to stare at my port, or say anything in the loss of weight. i love my wife and family to death, and we all know it is going to come sooner than we would like. My daughters are in counseling, as is my wife. Everyone keeps telling me it will be alright; but they know it isnt true, and so do i.so we all put on our best smiles and try not to quarrel of little things. every time one of my children cries i have to hide , so they wont see me break down. I cry. I cry for many reasons, for teh son who drowned when he was 2 years 3 months, and 19 days old. I cry for the pain and longing my loved ones will face when my demise catches up with me. I hope for the days when my girls graduate college-" maybe, right now let's just hope for high school". every day i am alive , we do something in preparation for my death. Three days a week i am to go sit in a chair and let insensitive, brash, offensive nurses tell you just be still- the pain will go away soon..while all of my blood is removed from my body and filtered; like the oil system on a car. The first usage of a new fistula was yesterday and they blew the dam side of it! 45 minutes into it i told to pull the needles out of me or i would do it. They made me sign a AMA form and i left. now i am faced with the continued use of a failing peritoneum to dialysis ..
yeah i'd say i get depressed. I wish i could tell you the answers folks, but i am looking too. Dying is supposed to be fast and unexpected, not take years of wasting and suffering in front of your loved ones. We are not supposed to bury our children, and our children's children graduation from high school should be on our bucket list! mine is not the story of old.. I smoke weed and play in my grow room, and try not to think about it. Of course times like now ,when nothing is ready to cut for at least another month.. I have vowed to get myself off of this dam opiate addiction that the dr."s have given me into, and it is going really well, for the most part.. I don't go out much, and shouldn't have to grow in a closet to have a supply of medicine. i can not convey to you how much frustration and inner rage that fill each day; and i smile and hug my girls and tell them it doesn't hurt. I know the truth... Mike
about depression
ive been sitting here for a while reading various post and reply s &and it comes to my attention; there are a lot of people who are in just as bad a shape as me, and i'm not crazy for feeling like giving up the fight. So i feel a little ;less stress about teh hell i am being forced into! terminal renal failure dictates that i submit to dialysis if i wish to continue living. But i have had over 33 operations now, and been fighting for more than ten years. I have a beautiful wife and five children, and we live in a home on land we own, along with the lease properties for income. I know I am dying . I feel it more and more each day. But the pain that hurts me the most is the pain i cause my loved ones. I see it in their eyes when they look at me and turn away, trying not to stare at my port, or say anything in the loss of weight. i love my wife and family to death, and we all know it is going to come sooner than we would like. My daughters are in counseling, as is my wife. Everyone keeps telling me it will be alright; but they know it isnt true, and so do i.so we all put on our best smiles and try not to quarrel of little things. every time one of my children cries i have to hide , so they wont see me break down. I cry. I cry for many reasons, for teh son who drowned when he was 2 years 3 months, and 19 days old. I cry for the pain and longing my loved ones will face when my demise catches up with me. I hope for the days when my girls graduate college-" maybe, right now let's just hope for high school". every day i am alive , we do something in preparation for my death. Three days a week i am to go sit in a chair and let insensitive, brash, offensive nurses tell you just be still- the pain will go away soon..while all of my blood is removed from my body and filtered; like the oil system on a car. The first usage of a new fistula was yesterday and they blew the dam side of it! 45 minutes into it i told to pull the needles out of me or i would do it. They made me sign a AMA form and i left. now i am faced with the continued use of a failing peritoneum to dialysis ..
yeah i'd say i get depressed. I wish i could tell you the answers folks, but i am looking too. Dying is supposed to be fast and unexpected, not take years of wasting and suffering in front of your loved ones. We are not supposed to bury our children, and our children's children graduation from high school should be on our bucket list! mine is not the story of old.. I smoke weed and play in my grow room, and try not to think about it. Of course times like now ,when nothing is ready to cut for at least another month.. I have vowed to get myself off of this dam opiate addiction that the dr."s have given me into, and it is going really well, for the most part.. I don't go out much, and shouldn't have to grow in a closet to have a supply of medicine. i can not convey to you how much frustration and inner rage that fill each day; and i smile and hug my girls and tell them it doesn't hurt. I know the truth... Mike
One person said a lot of you (maybe us) sound like you/we have low t, as in low testosterone
I thought about it some time and thought about what i heard about marijuana lowering testosterone levels
I think its possible, i just googled something, enjoy the read and let me know what you think
http://www.peaktestosterone.com/Testosterone_Marijuana.aspx
I thought about it some time and thought about what i heard about marijuana lowering testosterone levels
I think its possible, i just googled something, enjoy the read and let me know what you think
http://www.peaktestosterone.com/Testosterone_Marijuana.aspx
This is copied and pasted from the NORML site which was the very first site that came up when I Googled "marijuana causes low testosterone". It is a MYTH, meaning NOT TRUE, just a lot of opinion and just updated Reefer Madness.
_________________
Myth: Marijuana Causes Sterility and Lowers Testosterone
Government experts also concede that pot has no permanent effect on the male or female reproductive systems[36] A few studies have suggested that heavy marijuana use may have a reversible, suppressive effect on male testicular function[37] A recent study by Dr. Robert Block has refuted earlier research suggesting that pot lowers testosterone or other sex hormones in men or women[38] In contrast, heavy alcohol drinking is known to lower testosterone levels and cause impotence. A couple of lab studies indicated that very heavy marijuana smoking might lower sperm counts. However, surveys of chronic smokers have turned up no indication of infertility or other abnormalities.
Less is known about the effects of cannabis on human females. Some animal studies suggest that pot might temporarily lower fertility or increase the risk of fetal loss, but this evidence is of dubious relevance to humans[39] One human study suggested that pot may mildly disrupt ovulation. It is possible that adolescents are peculiarly vulnerable to hormonal disruptions from pot. However, not a single case of impaired fertility has ever been observed in humans of either sex.
_________________
Myth: Marijuana Causes Sterility and Lowers Testosterone
Government experts also concede that pot has no permanent effect on the male or female reproductive systems[36] A few studies have suggested that heavy marijuana use may have a reversible, suppressive effect on male testicular function[37] A recent study by Dr. Robert Block has refuted earlier research suggesting that pot lowers testosterone or other sex hormones in men or women[38] In contrast, heavy alcohol drinking is known to lower testosterone levels and cause impotence. A couple of lab studies indicated that very heavy marijuana smoking might lower sperm counts. However, surveys of chronic smokers have turned up no indication of infertility or other abnormalities.
Less is known about the effects of cannabis on human females. Some animal studies suggest that pot might temporarily lower fertility or increase the risk of fetal loss, but this evidence is of dubious relevance to humans[39] One human study suggested that pot may mildly disrupt ovulation. It is possible that adolescents are peculiarly vulnerable to hormonal disruptions from pot. However, not a single case of impaired fertility has ever been observed in humans of either sex.
lumberjack.mr
Active member
Wow! i guess a lot of folks have a opinion to verbalize, mine is simple; I use cannabis= i feel better. renal failure, or any terminal illness is a devastation of the family core , and the psychological impact can be even more devastating than the reality! I can tell you from first hand experience; i have a hell of a lot more issues with the way i feel about dying than the disease that is killing me.
i hope for better days and accept the present with as much dignity as i am able .
i hope for better days and accept the present with as much dignity as i am able .
One thing with regards to marijuana that was very true in the 70's was that for every study coming up with negative side effects of marijuana there were two more not only proving the negatives to be false but often times proved marijuana to be beneficial in some way. I see no reason to believe that trend is any different today.
Studies usually do show the results that people contracting the study wants. Researchers are essentially a unique form of business but business none the less and just like any business the most successful ones get to be successful by giving the customer what they want.
Not only is there that aspect but you have to really take a hard look at the methodology researchers use. I remember seeing a propagand... I mean educational film in school that talked about studies proving how harmful marijuana was. They wanted to show long term effects so they gave lab rats concentrated doses. They gave them pills of just THC that were allegedly equal to smoking 20 joints of marijuana. I remember thinking to my self how wrong the test was because I knew nobody that smoked anywhere near that much weed in a day. Let alone what toxic effects an extremely high concentration of manufactured THC, given all at once might have on a tiny rodent.
Studies usually do show the results that people contracting the study wants. Researchers are essentially a unique form of business but business none the less and just like any business the most successful ones get to be successful by giving the customer what they want.
Not only is there that aspect but you have to really take a hard look at the methodology researchers use. I remember seeing a propagand... I mean educational film in school that talked about studies proving how harmful marijuana was. They wanted to show long term effects so they gave lab rats concentrated doses. They gave them pills of just THC that were allegedly equal to smoking 20 joints of marijuana. I remember thinking to my self how wrong the test was because I knew nobody that smoked anywhere near that much weed in a day. Let alone what toxic effects an extremely high concentration of manufactured THC, given all at once might have on a tiny rodent.
St. Phatty
Active member
I don't like the term Depression.
Used to have a woman friend who used it all the time. In some cases she would try to return to her creative work (decoupage plates) but wasn't 'into it' and so would call that 'depressed'.
not feeling creative is not the same as 'depressed'.
Personally, I have minimal access to health care.
I engage in what I call "Netflix Therapy". I get overwhelmed with sh.t and just turn on the tube. Right now I'm watching Sons of Anarchy.
I think one of the best cures for Severe Depression (besides taking it easy, re-scheduling some goals & appointments) is NUTRITION.
Force feeding yourself healthy food. Lots of it. 8 to 12 fruits & vegetables a day. Multiple sources of protein.
A few times I have dealt with friends who had Severe Depression associated with stopping eating. In one case, I ended up FedEx'ing cases of Ensure cross-country.
Used to have a woman friend who used it all the time. In some cases she would try to return to her creative work (decoupage plates) but wasn't 'into it' and so would call that 'depressed'.
not feeling creative is not the same as 'depressed'.
Personally, I have minimal access to health care.
I engage in what I call "Netflix Therapy". I get overwhelmed with sh.t and just turn on the tube. Right now I'm watching Sons of Anarchy.
I think one of the best cures for Severe Depression (besides taking it easy, re-scheduling some goals & appointments) is NUTRITION.
Force feeding yourself healthy food. Lots of it. 8 to 12 fruits & vegetables a day. Multiple sources of protein.
A few times I have dealt with friends who had Severe Depression associated with stopping eating. In one case, I ended up FedEx'ing cases of Ensure cross-country.
Goatstroker
Member
Cannabis may not be sapping our testosterone, but it seems something is. They're selling the shit out of that stuff recently.
Personally I think a lot of that is just people not accepting the natural aging process. There is a biological reason why we're meant to be less sexually active as we age. That reason being it is best to engage in procreation when we are young and our bodies are young, strong and healthy. It's also best to become involved in parenting when we are young as the early stages of parenting are very demanding. Now that's not to say two people in their 40's can't become parents and sometimes it is better for particular people to wait because of careers. In the broad view of things though it's best to have children when young and so our bodies respond in ways to increase the odds in favor of procreation. Once we are older hopefully we are in a healthy and happy relationship and we should be focusing less on sex and more on growing closer with our partners. In this stage of life it would make more sense for our desires and bodily functions related to them begin to scale back a bit.
I really dislike all the promotion you see on tv about erectile dysfunction. They would have one easily believing that if you can't get a raging hardon practically on command then something is wrong with you. There are many other reasons why a man can be slow to rise, that have nothing to do with some "dysfunction" of our bodies. There are also things we do to our bodies where we might have troubles as a side effect of something else like poor diet or lack of exercise. A little blue pill to fix that is just treating the symptom rather then fixing the problem. Also sometimes we have problems simply because we're not really into "getting it" on at the moment but we don't want to risk hurting our partner's feelings. Speaking of partners sometimes it's them. They're just not giving us what we need to arise to the occasion. There was one time when I wanted a particular woman really bad and it one day came to pass that I unexpectedly got a chance to get her in bed. She wasn't really wanting me but rather just saying "Oh well, it's worth at least giving it a try". It ended up with her just laying there not really participating at all. I started out with a raging hardon as the result of a desire being fulfilled but as things progressed by the end of foreplay and the big moment was there, I just couldn't get it up. The reason I concluded is because the whole time it meant nothing to her. I wanted to make love, not just have sex.
I think the problem is we get it in our minds that we as men and women are expected to perform in certain ways and it really throws a wrench into things when we don't. We need to learn that it's okay to not always have sex as long as when making love it is also quality sex, When you routinely have sex just because you think you are supposed to it becomes routine and routine is boring. There is something extra that gets added to the mix when both people genuinely want to be intimate with each other at that moment. It can't be forced, you can't take a little blue pill that will make it all better whether you're into it or not.
Often times if at the moment of intercourse and we get that urge to announce to "Houston" "we have a problem!", if we could learn to relax and just cuddle with no expectations nature will take it's course in a brief time. There is one huge truth to the vast majority of "Health Problems" we suffer from is due simply to lack of exercise, bad eating habits and lack of good solid nutrition. If we could disipline ourselves to eat healthy, exercise enough to maintain a good healthy weight and get proper rest, most of our problems would just go away. It's pervasive too in our societies because most of us fail to eat right because in some places it's difficult to do, like places they call food deserts due to there being a lack of nutritious food in a reasonable distance and so we rely on take out and food choices you might see offered up at a gas station convenience store. I'm sorry but Slim Jims and the hotdog that's been slowly cooking on the rollers for two hours does not count as healthy nutritious meat protein. I know there are vegetarians and vegans and such that insist we don't need meat but I disagree, we are designed by nature to feed off both plants and animals and if we do not it effects us in certain ways. Like I notice that I get definite cravings for meat when I go without it and the longer I go without it the more aggressive in a negative way I become. Give me a steady but reasonable sized portion of meat and the more calm and less aggressive I'm liable to be.
lumberjack.mr
Active member
a very interesting position. I ;a man of 50 with two small daughters 6,7 ,and three children of a much younger marriage, have found that my children of present , are much more stable, more secure, and more loving toward other children. Not to say that my children from my younger years were little hellyen's or anything, but they didn't have as patient and gentle a father as my girls now do.
As for tehe health part, i wAs a full time bodybuilder, bench pressing over 400 lbs. , 220 lbs body weight with 6% body fat, i only say Was due to ESRD. A handy little term for terminal. I worked out 6 days a week , ate like a horse -but all healthy foods, and didnt drink. So >>> Not always just a matter of keeping in shape... Just my position.. Lj
As for tehe health part, i wAs a full time bodybuilder, bench pressing over 400 lbs. , 220 lbs body weight with 6% body fat, i only say Was due to ESRD. A handy little term for terminal. I worked out 6 days a week , ate like a horse -but all healthy foods, and didnt drink. So >>> Not always just a matter of keeping in shape... Just my position.. Lj
Goatstroker
Member
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desire is like certainty: you can't sell things without it.
not wanting and not knowing, it sounds like daoism or buddhism or jainism or something..
for not wanting.. finally, smoke some weed and stop wanting things. then, meaningful things can occur.
for not knowing.. where certainty exists, consideration is absent.
yessir.. i think, to the west, epistemological solipsism is an acceptable expression.
once you can become wholly uncertain, and perhaps reasonably unwanting, there's a lot less in the way.
not wanting and not knowing, it sounds like daoism or buddhism or jainism or something..
for not wanting.. finally, smoke some weed and stop wanting things. then, meaningful things can occur.
for not knowing.. where certainty exists, consideration is absent.
yessir.. i think, to the west, epistemological solipsism is an acceptable expression.
once you can become wholly uncertain, and perhaps reasonably unwanting, there's a lot less in the way.
lumberjack.mr
Active member
Today is hard for me. On this date 16 years ago, i was born a son. his name is/was Brandon Michael , and he was beautiful in every way. 13 years ,10 months and an uncertain number of days ago, he drowned. On February 14th he drowned in a river in Washington state.
I have never forgotten the smell of his hair, the sound of his voice, the color of his eyes. This is the day he was born, and i shall mourn his loss forever.
" I love you son, hope you and Grandama & grampa are having fun!" Dad..
I have never forgotten the smell of his hair, the sound of his voice, the color of his eyes. This is the day he was born, and i shall mourn his loss forever.
" I love you son, hope you and Grandama & grampa are having fun!" Dad..
