RobFromTX
Well-known member
Drink plenty of water. And lay off the heavy salted foods. Thats what the docs told me
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Drink plenty of water. And lay off the heavy salted foods. Thats what the docs told me
You're a decent guy, 'hawk. Sometimes there's a borderline persona going on that wants reassurance as a matter of repeated course. The stuff your dad didn't do for you often enough. I carry some of that myself.
Just keep fertilizing that good guy part in ways that it grows healthy.
We can all act like a badass sometimes for different reasons.
My kids grew up with a MH guy, dope grower, dope dealer, and political organizer/activist as a dad, who is very direct in my addressing of issues, critical, OCD, and doesn't take shit, and who carried a firearm and slept with a firearm as matters of course, collected class III weapons and did high-profile activism, as well as riding a Harley and living in a constant state of vigilance for the combined (sometimes extreme or severe) stressors often inherently bouncing around from that bundle of character and identity... who grew up with some extreme violence and a bit of death generated by people who were supposed to love and care for each other.
I know a fair bit about much of the paths we're communicating about.
Be reasonably good or kind to yourself, 'hawk. To sound even more smulchy and Stewart Smalley-ish, though it's true, we're the last best friend we'll potentially ever have in ourselves in this life.
We either make ourselves good friends to ourselves, or not so good friends to ourselves, or sometimes enemies to ourselves, and there's enough of those last two potentially in others we meet in life that we don't need to pile on.
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As much as my dad is an asshole he did say the same thinkg from Stewart Smalley. Im good enough,im smart enough and gosh darnit people like me! I know i need to pick up the slack. i think he told it to himself.I need a Pint now.My brain wont let myself heal because i dont deserve it. Ive done too many things and i cant forget. i need benzos and they wont give them too me. i never had a problem with them
re. the benzos, most people never have a problem with a Kenworth either, until they meet one on the highway at high-speed going the other way..
It's not likely to ever be about forgetting 'hawk. It can be, however, about rearranging the focus and emphasis to make it more accepting and kinder on the spirit.
Or, as one therapist in Anchorage told me in the midst of discussing a PTSD-generated dream and crisis, at a time I had more than enough clients who were suicidal in the later early 1990s, and my younger brother had just died, "You need to turn your bison into a field mouse."
It was in re. to a sweaty panicked dream about guilt and being found to have committed a crime in a public place that involved me killing a bison in a park at a pavilion on a hiking trail with people/hikers approaching, and I was about to be discovered. As benign or humorous as it might sound, the dream was terrifying, hinging on that whole, "someone will see me as less-than and guilty, or as a bad guy."
I was terrified of making the wrong call with clients and having someone get hurt, and my missing some key factor.
Some of my family's deaths it took me years to find what was real and cry for them.
I forgave every person in my family, and sometimes myself, for shit that went down that didn't need to, including their deaths, again, emphasizing there's none who are perfect, and every one of us takes responsibility for our actions someday (I hope), then needs to address those in a level way, and pack them where they belong, forgive and move forward, or there's a barrier that's harder to overcome.
I was in my early 30s and in grad school before I finally answered myself as to whether I loved my father or not. I did. He was gravely imperfect and a very confused, conflicted man, and I forgave him for offing himself in '68. Without that forgiveness and the forgiveness of/toward/for others, I'd have been far more stuck in that place than otherwise.
Awe fuck. i drank a little too much and took a few gummies and shit but im sorry i got emotional.Things are rough right now but thanks and i appreciate it. Ill try to be stronger. Right now i need to take care of my mom, She used to have an account here but never posted much. Shes a good lady
Be fair to yourself, 'hawk, and be thoughtful about any and all decisions or choices related to forward movement on your path, giving room for forgiveness for errors.
Correcting self-destructive or debilitating paths is about remaining conscious in decision making as much as anything. (*I said as I finished my sirloin steak knowing that it feeds the testosterone that feeds my cancer. Though I already know I'm going to die from this, and I can still function after eating such things in enjoyment of life...)
"To err is human," but to make an art form of it requires greater explanations or excuses.
"The sun -will- rise tomorrow..."
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Thanks moose. been feeling pretty shitty lately so havent been posting much. Got an ultrasound today. Dont know the results but the tech said my liver wasnt that bad but could be better. Pretty decent news i guess.Be fair to yourself, 'hawk, and be thoughtful about any and all decisions or choices related to forward movement on your path, giving room for forgiveness for errors.
Correcting self-destructive or debilitating paths is about remaining conscious in decision making as much as anything. (*I said as I finished my sirloin steak knowing that it feeds the testosterone that feeds my cancer. Though I already know I'm going to die from this, and I can still function after eating such things in enjoyment of life...)
"To err is human," but to make an art form of it requires greater explanations or excuses.
"The sun -will- rise tomorrow..."
Neighbors tree fell in my yard yesterday. took out my power and internet. luckily that part is taken care of. my mom needs her machine for dialysis so at least she didnt have to go to a clinic.
im just not feeling the kratom. I took 6 pills and nothing. I guess its one of those everyone is different type of thing
They developed less and less effectiveness for me in not-too-long-a-time., and I was buying from a reputable source. Initially, for the purposes I was taking them, they offered a reprieve that was incredibly helpful, but it lost ground over time. Maybe a couple months? Maybe a bit more, but certainly not an eternity.
Took 4 or 5 yesterday.didnt feel anything but maybe slept a little better.i haven't taken any in a while so I don't think I have a big tolerance or anything. I don't know.
Off topic but who cares.got this today for less than $24. The real one is at least $400.these Chinese are getting good.anyone here have a real Benchmade? I hope to have one someday.oh and this thing is illegal as fock.i can't be caught with this damn thing in public i could go to prison
Off topic but who cares.got this today for less than $24. The real one is at least $400.these Chinese are getting good.anyone here have a real Benchmade? I hope to have one someday.oh and this thing is illegal as fock.i can't be caught with this damn thing in public i could go to prison
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LOL holy cow its so funny. In appearance its a clone but if you take 5 minutes to mess with it, its clearly a POS. Its got a spring thats so strong it feels like its gonna break and the smell of the oil keeping it from breaking is strong as fuck! Its just funny to buy these things for fun. I cant afford the real thing. its definitely worth the price but dont try to pass these things off as real
