Workplace Bullying/harassment, What's your story?

[Wiggs Dannyboy]

The only job I was ever bullied at, and it wasn't really a bad case that cause emotional anguish, the bullier was actually a damn woman, an evil woman for sure, her spit was pure poison. It was in a restaurant. I was a new waiter without experience. She was the sister of the owner, could act any evil way she wanted. She used to yell and scream, and if the verbal abuse happened back in the kitchen she took it to another level. If I was within an arm's reach, she would frequently grab me by my shoulder to intimidate even more and she would dig her fingernails into my flesh.

I didn't take that shit, anytime she would do it I would knock her hand off with vigor, but it was still some amazing shit that she felt like she had the right to treat me that way. I didn't stay working there for more than a few months...was no winning that battle due to her being the owner's sister.

 

[Feyd]

Well it must've boosted your self-esteem when you did it Feyd. Ya think there is a correlation with the Yummybud quote in your sig?

THIS IS NOW A YUMMYBUD THREAD

nah it didnt. i felt bad about it pretty soon after doing it. i was also immature, didnt consider the realistic possibility of actually hurting him or doing actual damage, i was just trying to get my friends back when i saw him in trouble, which ended up not so much with me defending him but attacking someone with him.

im not really proud of that moment. i also threw wet gummy worms/bears onto this slow asian girls back when she wore her rotc uniform. the bears would stick to her jacket and she couldnt reach them because she had stubby fat arms and the jacket was too tight.

i found her on facebook and talked to her on skype, trying to apologize for that year of bus torment.
she asked me where i lived and asked me for my phone number, then asked me if i would marry her and she told me i was handsome and that she loved me.

 

[bombadil.360]

nah it didnt. i felt bad about it pretty soon after doing it. i was also immature, didnt consider the realistic possibility of actually hurting him or doing actual damage, i was just trying to get my friends back when i saw him in trouble, which ended up not so much with me defending him but attacking someone with him.

im not really proud of that moment. i also threw wet gummy worms/bears onto this slow asian girls back when she wore her rotc uniform. the bears would stick to her jacket and she couldnt reach them because she had stubby fat arms and the jacket was too tight.

i found her on facebook and talked to her on skype, trying to apologize for that year of bus torment.
she asked me where i lived and asked me for my phone number, then asked me if i would marry her and she told me i was handsome and that she loved me.

LOL wtf? so r u gonna marry her or what?


the U.S has some sick bully "culture" thing going on; and you empower these bullies by agreeing to participate in the whole thing... my two main cultural influences are very different than U.S culture, and so when I lived in the U.S and people tried to bully me, it never ended well for them this is why many American people have a hard time outside the U.S... just imagine the stereotype of an American bully trying to bully someone in Venezuela, poor guy basically.

I love many things of the U.S, but I truly detest the whole bully thing going on there; and it gets on my nerves that grown ass men allow some low life to bully them.

I can understand why a kid allows it, you know, he's still a kid and needs to develop certain areas and all, but a grown man? and at work? fuck that...

 

[draco]

don't act like a victim cause nothing excites the abuser like weakness.

i knew a guy at work who convinced everyone he was crazy - like possibly homicidal. worked well for him. he carefully placed the thought in their minds...

for better or worse, i have an acid tongue when provoked - some of the things i say then are pure evil. on the strength of that tongue, i have had enemies walk out of their way to avoid me. especially when there are others around who will witness their humiliation. these fucks are almost always cowards. eat one for lunch in front of a group of people and the problem might ease somewhat.

another thing i have found is that the abuser knows that others disapprove of them. use this fact to undermine their confidence in themselves and their perceived status at work.

do not be in a light mood around these people - be irritated and show it. don't let them think they caused it - let them think you are in a somewhat angry mood. works like a charm.

 

[darkshadow]

The easiest way I've found to disarm/confuse a bully is to tell them you love him/her.

Example :

Bully: You're a loser
Me: I love you too
...Silence...
*Bully walks away*

If it doesn't work on the first try, just keep telling them you love them until they can no longer find an insult.

I don't know how you could deal with a physical bully tho, maybe manipulating them into becoming your friend would work.

 

[Feyd]

LOL wtf? so r u gonna marry her or what?

lol

nope! it made me feel worse.. but then again i guess she forgot me throwing candy at her... i do remember her pissing herself on the bus
twice.

 

[mpd]

Good way to put your foot down and assert yourself!

Sometimes in the workplace, we cannot do this.
They can fuck with me at work. If anyone fucks with me outside of work its a totally different situation! LOL. They cannot get away with it. I keep my cool at work to try and be professional.

I lived to regret it. I would never react that way now. I just laugh at them. They don't mess with older guys much. Bullying is mainly a young man's game.

 

[marcnh]

i was never really picked on. in elementary some kid gave me a purple nurple. when i was in 4th grade i hit some kid that was fucking with my brother. by hit i mean i swung my bookbag on his head and knocked him over.
after hitting puberty nobody ever fucked with me really. i was always at least a head above just about everyone. in a packed hallway i saw the tops of heads.

i got into a lot of fights though. some i picked, sometimes i was provoked. the most brutal thing ive ever done to someone else was a kick to the face with the bottom of my shoe while they were on the ground, on their ass, with their arms being held behind their back. this was at a bus stop in the morning, in florida, at like <5:30am, so it was really dark out and the ground was slick with dew. our stop was under a streetlamp next to a church and a narrow empty lot. my friend chased the kid wearing clunky skateboarding shoes and slipped on his ass while chasing him towards my direction. i basically clothes lined him, i caught him in the throat swinging my arm out and he did a fucking backflip and landed awkwardly on his neck/back.. i punched the hard part of his skull and hurt my hand as he was trying to get to his feet. despite being smaller than me, as he got up i got him in a headlock, which seems to be a common move for teenagers that dont know how to actually fight, he wrapped his arms around me and tried to lift me off the ground, i was able to posture up and maintain balance and keep from going down just by spreading my legs and putting my weight back on him, and i threw him towards the ground while he was holding on to me. at this point my friend is back and he grabs him from behind and locks his arms down. then i kicked him in the face with everything i had. while his friends (who were oddly mutual acquaintances of mine) watched. they knew him longer than they had known us, but they didnt help him. i smoked weed with those guys all the time, because we all lived within a few minutes walk of each other. that kid was kind of a dick though, and i came to understand they didnt really like him so much as tolerate his presence.
i still feel really bad though. he started the fight but wound up with a bloody nose and a busted lip.

i also sort of bullied a kid, not really in a huge way but looking back it was obviously mean, but i was just fucking with a 9th grader in my gym class. all i was doing was holding a basketball out of his reach while he tried to get it from me. i was 6'3 and he was probably 5 even or shorter. he eventually punched me in the face, the way most girls punch using just their forearms to throw a punch and basically smack you with a closed fist. i grabbed his arm and swung him around in a couple of circles and then let go of him and he rolled pretty hard when he hit the ground.
i seriously cringe at some of the things ive done.

i know you wanted victim perspectives but i dont have many good stories for that. i also noticed the thread was kinda straying from stories into procedures for fighting workplace bullying.

Hey Feyd. Who cares if the thread strays as long as we can share experiences of bullying. You elicited a couple stories from my childhood. This kid was picking on my brother at the bike rack every day, basically I got on top of him and shoved leaves in his mouth. He stopped bullying. I also remember one time this guy in the 9th grade was fucking with me all the time in gym class. Then one day we were playing floor hockey, the ball was near his feet and I wacked his ankles pretty damn hard with my stick, just trying to hit the ball <wink wink>, he fell down, cried like a baby and never fucked with me again.

Thanks for your stories, fun thread!

 

[marcnh]

The easiest way I've found to disarm/confuse a bully is to tell them you love him/her.

Example :

Bully: You're a loser
Me: I love you too
...Silence...
*Bully walks away*

If it doesn't work on the first try, just keep telling them you love them until they can no longer find an insult.

I don't know how you could deal with a physical bully tho, maybe manipulating them into becoming your friend would work.

Hey Dark,
Depends, a bully feels so down they need constant praise to inflate the ego/low self esteem. You can create a situation where they keep going back to you. On the other hand, I see your point, the intention for them is to harm (wiki - workplace aggression), and to project hate/misery on others. If they feel like they cannot harm they might leave you alone. Body language may play a big part in this.

 

[marcnh]

I lived to regret it. I would never react that way now. I just laugh at them. They don't mess with older guys much. Bullying is mainly a young man's game.

I hear you there, and I agree. I feel I'm certainly a target, I'm 38 but certainly got a babyface - I look like I'm 25. I'm also passive, good looking, keep in shape, loving, I love small cuddly things like birds and puppies (i've been called faggot because of this, im not); so with all of these traits I feel that a large majority of the time the narcissist/sociopath/psychopath/bully is jealous (they're fat ugly and cannot love) and this is why I get fucked with so much. Funny thing is I'm damn tough - main reason I don't like fighting is I could seriously put someone in the hospital, and I don't want to harm. My last fight was actually in arcadia square in humbolt county. Guy was fucking with me for over an hour while I was waiting for my weed. Finally he pushed me and I held him down for five minutes until he submitted while giving a speech of how much of a dumbass he was being. Thanks for the comment!

 

[dagnabit]

jeebus im tired of all the "bullying" talk..
unless someone gave you a wedgee or a swirlee or took your lunch money shut the fuck up!
the pussification of this society is flabbergasting!
bring back the schoolyard scrap.
when men/boys were "allowed" to fight the world was a lot better place.

bullying my ass.

 

[marcnh]

The only job I was ever bullied at, and it wasn't really a bad case that cause emotional anguish, the bullier was actually a damn woman, an evil woman for sure, her spit was pure poison. It was in a restaurant. I was a new waiter without experience. She was the sister of the owner, could act any evil way she wanted. She used to yell and scream, and if the verbal abuse happened back in the kitchen she took it to another level. If I was within an arm's reach, she would frequently grab me by my shoulder to intimidate even more and she would dig her fingernails into my flesh.

I didn't take that shit, anytime she would do it I would knock her hand off with vigor, but it was still some amazing shit that she felt like she had the right to treat me that way. I didn't stay working there for more than a few months...was no winning that battle due to her being the owner's sister.

Dannyboy,
Holy shisters, that's bad. I wish you would have sued and had her arrested for assault. Talk about expressing inward anger outward! I worked in restaurants for a loooong time and there is absolutely some crazy one's in that business! We use to joke that you have to be crazy to be in the business when we were working in hostile environments. I've worked in some cool places though - grand canyon, yellowstone, bryce canyon, key west, mt rainier, grand tetons, jackson hole.

 

[marcnh]

jeebus im tired of all the "bullying" talk..
unless someone gave you a wedgee or a swirlee or took your lunch money shut the fuck up!
the pussification of this society is flabbergasting!
bring back the schoolyard scrap.
when men/boys were "allowed" to fight the world was a lot better place.

bullying my ass.

The start of this thread was being bullied at work, which you cannot just go and kick someones ass. If you react then it looks like a two way argument, and you are both wrong.
To say stfu is you just being a pussy since we are not face to face, there is no ability to man up. Nice try though. Is your ego inflated now? LOL

 

[darkshadow]

jeebus im tired of all the "bullying" talk..
unless someone gave you a wedgee or a swirlee or took your lunch money shut the fuck up!
the pussification of this society is flabbergasting!
bring back the schoolyard scrap.
when men/boys were "allowed" to fight the world was a lot better place.

bullying my ass.

Yep, a wimpy nerd is definitely gonna take on 6 jocks alone.

I don't know in what world you live in but in mine, there's absolutely nothing you can do about bullying.

 

[Tyga]

Guys who are "bullied" unfortunately just need to nut the fuck up and either hit the weights or learn to fight. Next time they fuck with you just step outside with them and do your thang. That talking/reporting shit just makes you look soft. I was given a hard time in highschool so I hit the weights and always stood my ground and only ended up in a physical fight like twice.. Dont show people your weak because thats what bully's feed off.. But also dont want around like a punk ass motherfucker because that will also bring you on more trouble ...

 

[dagnabit]

I don't know in what world you live in but in mine, there's absolutely nothing you can do about bullying.

defeatist victim mentality...
therein lies the problem!
yes at work you can stand up for yourself.
if they fire you? well you were looking for a job when you found that one. they did not stop making jobs when they made that one.
a geek can beat a jock unless he decides he has already lost.
"bullies" are typically cowards who's only possible victim is someone more cowardly than themselves.
typically no violence need be used.
if it comes to that..we are men and should act like such.

 

[Fly by Night]

she asked me where i lived and asked me for my phone number, then asked me if i would marry her and she told me i was handsome and that she loved me.

LOL wtf? so r u gonna marry her or what?

Don't you dare call Feyd a heterosexual, ever again! I'll straighten your ass homie, with peace bebe

 

[darkshadow]

defeatist victim mentality...
therein lies the problem!

You wanna know what the real problem is?

Nobody act like a decent human being on this goddamn shithole you call a planet.

Why? Because stupid people make stupid kids and the world is inhabited by morons trying to resolve their problems with violence.

End of rant.

 

[bombadil.360]

Don't you dare call Feyd a heterosexual, ever again! I'll straighten your ass homie, with peace bebe

did not mean to call anyone a hetero! sorry man

can I call him a meanie though?

the Asian girl only remembers the good about him, and he only remembers the bad about her...

oh he should feel bad about that, repent!

 

[draco]

jeebus im tired of all the "bullying" talk..
unless someone gave you a wedgee or a swirlee or took your lunch money shut the fuck up!
the pussification of this society is flabbergasting!
bring back the schoolyard scrap.
when men/boys were "allowed" to fight the world was a lot better place.

bullying my ass.

spoken like a bully.

we had a schoolyard bully in third grade. my dad told me to clock him if he ever fucked with me. so i did. THREE times over the years. couldn't help himself it seems. (my best friend bloodied his face twice). fucker became a LEO, no surprise!


there ain't no going back to the good ol days - get real. you really can't go out and settle things in the parking lot anymore when it's a work problem.

this is psy war now - for better or worse.