...and how to deal with it!
What is your story in your workplace when you have had someone giving you a hard time? Has there been sexual harassment? Have you been doing a better job than someone else and they get the advancement? Is there someone trying to belittle you? Did you experience some asshole trying to increase their ego while trying to make you feel little? Let's trade stories and gain knowledge.
There are several different scenarios in my mind. Most of the time the bully sees that there is nobody else is around and this is the way they get away with it (so it's your word against theirs). Other times they analyze the situation and will bully you in front of other people they trust them (ie a manager they are close with), and will not protest against them, and even lie for them. WHY? Because when they act like this, they can easily deny what you say and turn it around and tell lies to make it seem like they were just trying to be friendly despite their aggressive/abusive/dominating tone, and even make you look like the bad guy even though you were being friendly and passive.
They also "walk the fine line". For example this means that all they said was, "how are you doing today?" But, the bully/harasser uses a totally different tone - an aggressive tone, like they are trying to dominate you, belittle you, or make themselves feel more and make you feel less by their careful choice of words.
IWhy they do this in my mind is because their psyche/ego/self esteem is like a "tire leaking air". If they do not refill the air by making themselves feel better than you, then they "deflate"; they need to make you feel less than them in order to "inflate" their ego... If they do not have a "toy" (someone to fuck with) to increase their own faulted ego, (to inflate their tire/egoself esteem) they go crazy, they "deflate their tire". <the worst scenario for this type of abuser is you take away their "pump" - you ignore them.
So, the cycle goes that they harass you at work and they feel big, then they go home and they feel small and think of ways for the next day to "inflate" their psyche. I hope this makes sense because it is something I see over and over.
Why do I see this over and over? I am somewhat passive, I avoid aggressive people, and am happy, so the narcissist/sociopath/psychopath sees me as a target and me as a threat. They see me as a threat because I see right through this chronic abusive personality. This also elicits the "hero effect" (phillip zimbardo) in me. This is when you see an atrocity and you feel the need to do something about it despite the consequences.
I have a burden and I would describe it as this - if there are 100 people in a room, and there is one psychopath/sociopath/narcissist/bully/workplace aggressor (they all overlap according to the "diagnostic and statistical manual of psychological disorders" <DSM>) they will find me and I will find them because I cannot stand one person mistreating another in my presence, and I will even put my reputation on the line to stop it.
What gives them strength is this type of person has been practicing this behavior their whole lives- from childhood which is most likely abusive. They are true professional abusers.
38% of people in the usa say that they have been harassed at work, but only 15% have said that they have witnessed harassment. This supports what I said about these people acting this way when nobody is around. This is what happens most of the time.
I would like to hear what you have to say, and I know how to combat this and I will elaborate later, but I'm getting tired of typing at the moment!
Thanks for your comments, maybe I can help you and you can help me!
What is your story in your workplace when you have had someone giving you a hard time? Has there been sexual harassment? Have you been doing a better job than someone else and they get the advancement? Is there someone trying to belittle you? Did you experience some asshole trying to increase their ego while trying to make you feel little? Let's trade stories and gain knowledge.
There are several different scenarios in my mind. Most of the time the bully sees that there is nobody else is around and this is the way they get away with it (so it's your word against theirs). Other times they analyze the situation and will bully you in front of other people they trust them (ie a manager they are close with), and will not protest against them, and even lie for them. WHY? Because when they act like this, they can easily deny what you say and turn it around and tell lies to make it seem like they were just trying to be friendly despite their aggressive/abusive/dominating tone, and even make you look like the bad guy even though you were being friendly and passive.
They also "walk the fine line". For example this means that all they said was, "how are you doing today?" But, the bully/harasser uses a totally different tone - an aggressive tone, like they are trying to dominate you, belittle you, or make themselves feel more and make you feel less by their careful choice of words.
IWhy they do this in my mind is because their psyche/ego/self esteem is like a "tire leaking air". If they do not refill the air by making themselves feel better than you, then they "deflate"; they need to make you feel less than them in order to "inflate" their ego... If they do not have a "toy" (someone to fuck with) to increase their own faulted ego, (to inflate their tire/egoself esteem) they go crazy, they "deflate their tire". <the worst scenario for this type of abuser is you take away their "pump" - you ignore them.
So, the cycle goes that they harass you at work and they feel big, then they go home and they feel small and think of ways for the next day to "inflate" their psyche. I hope this makes sense because it is something I see over and over.
Why do I see this over and over? I am somewhat passive, I avoid aggressive people, and am happy, so the narcissist/sociopath/psychopath sees me as a target and me as a threat. They see me as a threat because I see right through this chronic abusive personality. This also elicits the "hero effect" (phillip zimbardo) in me. This is when you see an atrocity and you feel the need to do something about it despite the consequences.
I have a burden and I would describe it as this - if there are 100 people in a room, and there is one psychopath/sociopath/narcissist/bully/workplace aggressor (they all overlap according to the "diagnostic and statistical manual of psychological disorders" <DSM>) they will find me and I will find them because I cannot stand one person mistreating another in my presence, and I will even put my reputation on the line to stop it.
What gives them strength is this type of person has been practicing this behavior their whole lives- from childhood which is most likely abusive. They are true professional abusers.
38% of people in the usa say that they have been harassed at work, but only 15% have said that they have witnessed harassment. This supports what I said about these people acting this way when nobody is around. This is what happens most of the time.
I would like to hear what you have to say, and I know how to combat this and I will elaborate later, but I'm getting tired of typing at the moment!
Thanks for your comments, maybe I can help you and you can help me!
