This is funny - take a look
- Thread starter Cuddles
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Cuddles
Well-known member
should have called me for back up. Oh well, at least he doesn´t like this Red Bull(sh*t) stuff either. At least this is of some comfort. But we really need to sort his eating habits out, man!
Speedy is not very good with cell phones. The screens get slimed and he has a hard time with a digital keypad. No Redbulls for Speedy. He's a White Claw kinda mollusk.
Cuddles
Well-known member
the make phones with buttons too. I still use one
But if all else fails, a courier with a plane ticket and a telegram would have done the job too. excuses, excuses. I´m sorry but I don´t know what white claw is. I´m guessing it´s a whiskey or something?
It's a flavored hard seltzer water. Some consider it not suitable for "Real Men". It's OK for flying snails to drink because Speedy is a hermaphrodite.
https://www.mensjournal.com/food-drink/real-men-dont-drink-hard-seltzer
PS: Ewww! Slimy buttons.
Cuddles
Well-known member
I had to google hard seltzer lol. It sounds like the sort of stuff underagers used to drink. Seemingly harmless but still containing some alcohol, so if you have enough you can still get p*ssed on it. Am I on the right track?
I never checked Speedys private bits , so I´ll just have to take your word on it
This time I REALLY mean it. It's not like last time.I never checked Speedys private bits , so I´ll just have to take your word on it
You very well may be, but I have never drunk a White Claw. That would cause my Man Card to be canceled.
We would not want that now would we?
i actually thought of raising snails. french chefs have to pretty much rely on canned snails but some want fresh. last i checked there is only maybe 2 or 3 people in the us supplying fresh live snails to chefs. you better not steal my idea. did you guys know all snails are hermaphrodites? i still wanna do this. who wants to be partners?
oops. didnt notice you beat me to it buzz. damnit! thought i said something no one knew about!
oops. didnt notice you beat me to it buzz. damnit! thought i said something no one knew about!
Cuddles
Well-known member
a snail farm doesn´t sound bad actually. I once watched a little about it on TV once. But I don´t recall any real details. Shouldn´t be too hard to research however. I think you´d need a hell of a lot of them to make any real money though
And don´t they require a special diet too?
its been a while since ive looked into it but space isnt a problem because my family owns a farm. im pretty sure i know how to do it. its getting the clientele and chefs on board. as far as diet i cant remember. probably cost next to nothing to feed them. im relatively close to Chicago so i would start there. my dads drunk ass thinks he can sell his non existent veggies to chefs. well hes a dumb drunk but hes kinda on board with the snail thing. we had greenhouses and places to do this. the problem is im the only smart one and my dad is a crazy drunk lunatic.he would try to take over anything ive done. sorry its complicated but theoretically could be donea snail farm doesn´t sound bad actually. I once watched a little about it on TV once. But I don´t recall any real details. Shouldn´t be too hard to research however. I think you´d need a hell of a lot of them to make any real money though
A true snail story . . .
"Towards the end of the 2nd century BC Rome was bogged down in a war with Jugurtha, ruler of a kingdom bounded by the river Mulucha (now Moulouya), situated in the north-eastern quarter of modern Morocco. In the year 106 the Roman general Gaius Marius had been besieging a small fort, strategically situated on a rocky hill, not far from the river. The exact position of this fort is debatable, but it seems to have been in a mountainous district, possibly a short distance inland, near the border between modern Morocco and Algeria. Source
The fort had repeatedly resisted capture and Marius was almost at the point of admitting defeat when he received some promising news from a Ligurian mercenary who had been out of the Roman camp, searching for water. Having wandered to the vicinity of the fort furthest from the besiegers, the mercenary had seen some snails crawling among the rocks and decided to collect them. In his eagerness to collect more and more of them, presumably to eat, he had climbed almost to the top of the hill. Making use of the boughs of an oak tree at the top he had found he was able to survey the fort and its defences without being detected.
Encouraged by this news, Marius decided to mount an attack on the part of the fort the mercenary had just surveyed and sent some scouts to assess the chances of success. Receiving a positive report, he sent some armed men up the hill, guided by the mercenary. By attacking from this unexpected quarter they achieved a breakthrough, enabling Marius to make a successful assault. The capture of the fort ended the Jugurthine War."
Source The Conchological Society of Great Britain and Ireland
"Towards the end of the 2nd century BC Rome was bogged down in a war with Jugurtha, ruler of a kingdom bounded by the river Mulucha (now Moulouya), situated in the north-eastern quarter of modern Morocco. In the year 106 the Roman general Gaius Marius had been besieging a small fort, strategically situated on a rocky hill, not far from the river. The exact position of this fort is debatable, but it seems to have been in a mountainous district, possibly a short distance inland, near the border between modern Morocco and Algeria. Source
The fort had repeatedly resisted capture and Marius was almost at the point of admitting defeat when he received some promising news from a Ligurian mercenary who had been out of the Roman camp, searching for water. Having wandered to the vicinity of the fort furthest from the besiegers, the mercenary had seen some snails crawling among the rocks and decided to collect them. In his eagerness to collect more and more of them, presumably to eat, he had climbed almost to the top of the hill. Making use of the boughs of an oak tree at the top he had found he was able to survey the fort and its defences without being detected.
Encouraged by this news, Marius decided to mount an attack on the part of the fort the mercenary had just surveyed and sent some scouts to assess the chances of success. Receiving a positive report, he sent some armed men up the hill, guided by the mercenary. By attacking from this unexpected quarter they achieved a breakthrough, enabling Marius to make a successful assault. The capture of the fort ended the Jugurthine War."
Source The Conchological Society of Great Britain and Ireland
Bruce leaned on Clarence, i can see him needing company that would stick close by. who better than a lardass snail for that job? what, he might run off? you could watch him leave for three days...
you could watch him leave for three days...
Cuddles
Well-known member
i would take 3 or 4 years to leave this guyBruce leaned on Clarence, i can see him needing company that would stick close by. who better than a lardass snail for that job? what, he might run off?
Man, I do miss having a car sometimes ...
in warm weather, you could do them free range & let them find their own grub. you'd have to put little tracking collars or bells on their neck so you could separater your stock from the ferals out there.
