Icmag Presents: The F.U.C.K.E.M Comedy Roast of COCKTAIL FRANK!!!!!!!

[Endo]

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen, When a great public figure drops out of the spotlight, us Americans usually are good for an ole' fashion ROAST. For those of you who may not know what a roast is, a roast, is a public humiliation, full of crude humor, and personal shots, directed at the guest of honor. Today, we begin to honor a greatly overhyped member of our IcMag community. Cocktail frank. (pictured below at his wedding.) As some of you know, and others may not. Frank just finished up what he says is his last grow, here at ICMAG. I for one am saddened, to see this son of a bitch, bow out. I do respect him for making a promise and sticking to it.

I INVITE Franks, friends,(if he has any) and beloved community members to help us remember Frank for the real pain in the ass he is. Share a story, an piece of shitty advise he has given, or any memory of him trying to touch you in your private areas, that you have not blocked out of your mind. With Frank stepping out of the spotlight and into retirement, its important for us to remember, that a good laugh goes a long way. Lets all show Frank the love and respect he has shown so many of us over the years. I ask u all to join me as we begin the ICMAG : FUCKEM ROAST OF COCKTAIL FRANK!!!!
​

 

[Endo]

Ive only been here for a short time, and in that time, i was able to impress Frank just enough for him to let me into FUCKEM. Let me tell you Frank is not an easy one to impress. This guy has seen it all, somehow he still cant figure out if the light goes out inside the refrigerator, when he closes the door. I guess we will never know for sure Frank.

Frank, your knowledge and insite are second to none when it comes to growing, the only thing that could rival that is your extensive knowledge of the gay porn industry. Come'on Frank, did you think no one would notice the huge rainbow tattoo, above your upper lip? For godsakes man, shave your back every once and a while, your poor wife is gonna get your crabs.

Whether it was an encouraging word, or a playful pat on the ass, Cocktail Frank, has always been here, lurking around the corner like that guy that lives in my uncles basement, who offers you candy to check out his stamp collection.

Come to think of it.. i dont think in all these years i have seen Frank post 1 worth while picture, its always some sick plant needing help for one thing or another, or a photocopy of his ass on his companys printer.

We are sorry to see you go Frank, though your spirit will live on. When ever the wind smells of rotting lettuce, we will think of you. When the borg hits hard, we will refer to your threads for answers. you dirty dirty little pedofile......

Id like to Welcome our next Speaker: .....

 

[WeldFlash420]

Excellent idea Endo!

Along assed time ago, Frank was growing up in da hood watching allhis favorite TV shows as a kid....









BUt being mentally challenged he was forced to ride the short bus to school, this didn't make Frank too many freinds so he pimped out the bus to make his window licking days go easier...


After high school Frank did some traveling ran into some troubles on a deserted island but somehow survived....


Later on Frank became a member of ICMAG he came readily equipped with a BIG ASSED CAN of




Then along came Franks Creation of the Big Pink Pole....and all I can say is....


Thx Frank for all the memories on here and for the crew bro, your grows stand one cola above the rest. Shine on always and we'll be here when ya get back.

 

[Brother Bear]

.....

 

[ureapwhatusow]

heres him at the throne

http://www.camera-magenta.com/Pics/leibovitz1.jpg

 

[thatguy]

Frank, after all the bad things I've heard about you, I'm glad we've never talked!

Couldn't help myself; this is a roast, after all!

In all honesty, I'm sorry I've never spoken with you. So many people speak so highly of you I feel as if I've missed out.

The idea of F.U.C.K.E.M. was inspirational, and I've tried to do my best by the ethos, even if I ain't a legit member. Such a collection of truly inspiring people I've not seen elsewhere on IC.

Truly sorry to see you go, but you gotta make good on promises, or else WTF are you?

This bowl's for you!


All the best,
TG

 

[xOOx]

<stands up>

Well, where do I begin?

I'm deeply honored to be asked to speak at this affair.
Nothin' does the old hungry stomach a solid like a fine roasted little (w)hordeorve!

I've known Mr. Frank for almost 3 years now. WOW! Has it really been that long?
Three years in weed forum time is just a blink of an eye in the real world,
or maybe just a few cycles ... <cricket, cricket>

The Internet has surely brought things people wouldn't talk about to the foreground. Times have changed, eh?
It's taught many people the ways of the moonshiner. Because of this, some sort of change has to happen in the near future.
I just feel it! We have a force that can't be stopped. It's up to the remaining members to continue to defy the draconian
laws that are forced upon us. Time to prove to all that they are written for all the wrong reasons.
Everything you've been told has been a lie, and with this type of information flow, the people will no longer be fooled!

To this day Mr. Frank remains a man of mystery to me, and probably most reading this. I have my intuition still,
and the lady I smoke upon has given me plenty of insight and vision to connect some dots. Some here are way
more into the scene then they let on, that's for sure. I have mega respect for that you guys!

BUT.. WHO.. ARE.. YOU PEOPLE!!!!

Alas, I will never know everything. Even if I did, wouldn't that just take the fun out of it?

AND YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF.. WHO AM I?

You know, if you knew, it would just be a let down. I'm just a regular joe, with a secret hidden in the closet.
I pay my bills, and taxes, just like everyone else (well, most of you, lol).. moving forward in the world we live in, day by day,
with a fat smile on my face every once in a while

Did I mention I was just tad bit insane?

Maybe that's me standing next to you in the store..? Walkin' by you on the street..?
Or behind you on the white castles drive-thru line..?

It's such a small world after all!

<queue music>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W7RTDt4pDSc

Only two people here know me on just one level higher then just forum text. I don't play the tag switching game. To be frank,
I lost the will keep up with it all, you guys have to stop doing it, lol.

Sure, our first introduction to each other was a little rocky wave: Brother Bear ), but I think things may
have been different if I hadn't forced myself to speak up. I battled myself with a moral dilemma for quite some time
wondering what the right thing in that situation to do was, and if anyone would even believe me.

To be honest, I didn't want the show to come to an end , but it ultimately did anyway.

Surprise!! It seems others seem to be picking up the slack in a serious way anyway! MAD PROPZ TO YOU GUYS .. keep on holding
the fort!

Even though we've never met, I'm sure we'd get along... :friends:

We've had some paranoid times, some funny times, and just plain old fun times, and now, some sad times...
I'm still elated to be a sort of "on the sidelines" part of it all though.

I can only use what you've made quasi public in this mini roast. So don't blame me if its lame!

so without further ado..

***********************************
Welcome to your Roast internet Bro!
***********************************

<applause>

oh,oh,oh .. mr. cocktail frank
your grows just make me .. spank!!
so much care, with lots of concern,
until you add too much batsh*t, and give the girls a burn!

well, who ever said burnin was a bad thing?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4B1GWs7M8o

i guess it just depends on what ya burn!

ya know we all know you like to puff those gross newports...
and hope your not indulging in da nasty nose snorts !!
but real men who want to be more Thoro......
should probably be puffin' a mans marlBoro!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5T3efSH6NU

..so you know you have some serious skillz!
more then just hammerz and drillz
amps, volts, ohmz, wattz
yeah that's more then just making slipknot(z).

<lame rhyme, hmm.. DING! slipknot opportunity>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJCO4DSc6a0

<><><> pause <><><>

Forgot my place ..

<blank stare> <shuffle papers>
uhh

so this is why your grows just rock,
i'm still surprised you never.. got a shock!
you can just suck my ...

damn, wrong page. i thought i tossed that one! <shuffle>
ok, ahem,

real men prefer the yankees,
cause they get the girlies so wets!
and you know..
its not his fault he likes the METS!!!!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLpzCF5R-Ao

yeah. your gone now, cool things ya did done grew..
someone will most likely step up n' fill yer shoe

it'll be so sad to see you GO,
BTW! turns out i'm not ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AepyGm9Me6w

<still dancing like barlettaz old avatar to above clip>

so..cough, cough..
..where was I...

"I'm here to chew bubble gum, and grow weed ..
turns out, I'm all outta bubble gum...!!"

< ..... ..... > HUH WTF?

oh, ok here we go..

on with it .. Mr. Frank,
man of many words..
yeah it doesn't rhyme on purpose, y0
where was i going with this one

hmm, not there!
ok now ..

one last roasting note ............
... and no! it's not go f*ck a goat!!!

..it turns out your now retired,
..but still truely admired,
as far as icmag is concerned ......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGlv2Rk5RcA <---



Seriously, it's been a fun trip mon! stick around...

..oh in case you didn't notice,
u have a DOT on the tip of your nose..

xoox <sits down>
--"I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me."

 

[johnipedestran]

Hey Frank,

Fuck you, no more plants for your to molest. Your child will have to suffice.

What I lack in creativity, I try to compensate for with crudeness.

One Love

peace
jip

 

[cocktail frank]

you guys are fucked up.
let the insults fly!
i get down w/ the best of him.
thanks i guess???

for admin who read this.........
i will not be insulted in the slightest by this, its cool w/ me.
i consider you all my friends and friends break balls.
so feel free to flame me you limp dick sea suckers!

 

[Brother Bear]

hey ain't the roastee supposed to sit down and STFU till the host says speak
NOW BACK - BACK you hairy beast
wait till given permission to speak
this thread has not yet begun to roll
wanna talk shyt in chat ???
your boy babbabooeyVT be along soon here for a BJ and the usual reach around


(does BBVT know who i am ? LOL hope so :wink

and are we not supposed to insult the rest of the geusts ??
xOOx - do you even really smoke herb ?
johnipedestran - nothing bad to say yer good in my book :friends:
thatguy - i got the same pic of your girl you do, but mines from the waist down
ureapwhatusow - zappa sucks - always has, always will sad but true catholic girl
WeldFlash420 - stop calling me, i am married "TO A WOMAN !!!"
Endo - runs backwards naked in corn feilds :cornholed:

snickity snap don't talk back (CF always be sayin that when we be at the club yo :wigger



CF and friends
much love to you all :friends:

 

[clorox]

Cocktail Frank, is that some kind of reference to your penis?
every time i looked into your grow all i saw was a bunch of yellowed dying girls and thought, damn, this man likes to horde jaundiced asian girls in his closet!
seriously though, your skills as a grower were about as good as my skills as an abortion doctor, non-existant, though we both keep trying eh!?

Stay safe brother, and keep it purple!

 

[xOOx]

LOL Brother Beard!

you got me!

i'm HIGHly allergic to it! and ...

"have to get rushed to the emergency room even if I see a pic from one of your threads..especially the one where you drown those poor clones, those are herbs not fungi!"
--Fat ugly girl from change.org

"Dude, they don't call it HOLY COW for nothing!"
--Says Brother Beard as he scrapes his weekly shroom dose from old bessie's cow pie out yonder..

what do you think?

my eyes are always red bro, even when i don't!

LOL .. yeah i have a problem

xoox

 

[buckeye-leaf]

CF trying to fix his computer so he could upload his 5,000,000,000,000 photos

the first time i met CF in the chatroom as thorodee he told me alot of people called him KFC. i asked why and he explained after you go through his breast and legs he had a warm box to put your greasy bone in.

CF is gayer than gay, he makes richard simmons look like brad pitt.

CF must have been thinking about his package when he took the name Cocktail-Frank,beanie-weenie was already taken.....come on man couldnt you make us wonder a lil by being footlong-coneydog or somethin.

CF made the fuckem crew for one reason, just as it says he wanted to get a group together so he could do just that....fuckem

when CF became a dad i thought he would be happy, turns out he was pissed off because his sons shlong was bigger than his.

CF buddy im gonna miss your grow threads, with your great buds and great sense of humor, always puts a smile on my face with red eyes.....take it ez brodawg

 

[thatguy]

Yeah, BB, you got that pic, but remember what it cost you We don't want people worrying about you, so we won't go into that any more.

Weldflash420, what a fucking nerd. How long you got to be searching the net for crazy ass pics? Or do you just collect every barely funny pic you come across with the hope you can use it to try and seem cool?

BB must believe you're a 1%er, JIP, but I'm not sure, it's too easy to scare a pussy like him. Maybe, though, can't really expect any eloquence from a dirty ass biker

xOOx, WTF? You just need to stop poetry. Forever. If there were literary police, your ass would be thrown in jail for that drivel. You forget your schizophrenia meds or something?

ureap, you need to tell your wife to fucking shave, bro, that's SERIOUSLY not cool.

buckeye, come on now, you know that's really you, a couple of hours ago. Freaking out cause your modem broke and you were going to miss this

Endo, WTF kind of roast did you set up here? I packed the only fucking bowl so far. You're a shitty ass host. Get your ass outta the corn (literally) and get this roast roasting!!!

I'd say "All the best" like usual, but I don't know if I wish it of you bunch of pricks

And where is T's pimp wannabe ass? Probably taking like 15 pics of different parts of the same plant, trying to make us all think he's big shit or something...

 

[FRIENDinDEED]

COCKTAIL FRANK.. . .i always wondered about that name. then there was the pink pole thing, and oh yeah all of this ASS: the other vagina, yeah sorry bruh its kinda hard not to think of you running around your garden in a pink tutu with a ganja wand whispering to your plants.

my first encounter with frank was when i wanted to join up with FUCKEM. i got vouched and put the logo in my other sig. . so "mister cocktail" here decides hes gonna go all "internet gangster" on me and tell me to take the logo out of my sig. now mind you my first instinct is to flame this lil wanna be so bad since, im not a lil dude by far and dont take kindly to threats. but i let it ride.

FUCKEM is a great idea, even if it was started by a panty waist like frank, but hey it had to be done right.

ive never gotten grow advice form frank but from what ive seen, he knows his shit and has never steered a grower in the wrong direction, for that youll always be a stand up guy to me whether we have met or not.

but i jsut cant believe i was actually chasing this ass hat for his FUCKEM logo with the rainbow in it. . . . . dude im not that guy.

seriously man, im glad to see you go and. . . .. oh wait that came out wrong. . i am sorry to hear you would stop growing for any amount of time, but we all understand one must do what they must do; and frank if for you that means to not leave any ballsack unturned then by all means teabag away my friend!! im all for prop 8!!! just dont come near me with that crap.

although youve gone from grower guru to troll extraordinary i will be sorry to not see those pics of those sorry ass plants you call a "grow" WTF?!?!?

well maybe one day at a cannabis cup, or NUGS&JUGS i'll be able to shake your hairy palmed hands and blaze a joint or two (not cock) with you!!

and anyway frank stop growing-----> ,

 

[GET MO]

Cocktail frank... thats an understatement.... When I first boned his wife she said hes more like a cocktail shrimp! Haha!
Last grow.... yeah right, we all know ya cant stop growin Frank, your only kiddin yaself man. What it is is he just dont wanna delete images out his gallery to make room for the new ones. Much respect, Peace!

 

[kallenavndk]

Yeah i think cock is the word in hes name we should pay attention to maybe read behind the lines me lil gay friend hehe Best to you in the future champ and plz dam it come back grow when u get bored..Peace and happy thoughts
From Across the pond

 

[steppinRazor]

cocktail frank..


hmmmm what can i say??????

you've been a cool peice of shit long as i've seen ya around. but at the same time whats up with that name???
you like "franks" in your "cocktails"?

not to mention bro!!!
that old avatar???
are you trying to advertise you sexuality to yummybud???

"cool as the ohter side of the pillow"??????!!!!

try "cool as biting yummybud's pillow"!!!!!!!!!!


hahahahaaaaaaaa

on the real bro

if this is the end ima miss ya round these parts
def one of the coolest douche bags ive seen round this hood

you keep it green bro.

much love much regard

-S. Razor

 

[Tonatiuh]

ok so you wanted a pimp to put his mack down huh ThatGuy...ok you little groupie s.o.b. let me see you in my thread ridin balls again ... "oooh T ur my favorite"...sound familiar? LOL...
i dont even know exactly what this means but i know it fits perfectly right here >PWNED!!!!

now on to the guest of honor....well well well...CF you have arrived,this is it man...the attention youve been seeking ever since ur mammy dropped ur bat guano stankin ass off at Our Lady Of Perpetual Growth home for wayward boys...
i never knew about all ur homo tendencies but i guess i should have figured it out in chat when instead of talkin grows you pm'd me and asked me what i was wearing...WTF?...
i remember when i was chasin down F.U.C.K.E.M. status tryin to be down with the crew...then i got in and realized what a bunch of sleezy bastards you all are...
seriosly though F.A.M. i got nothin but love for each and everyone of you sick minded sunsabitches...

brotha bear...ur the bomb man and you know ur my boy but when you showed us ur pic that time i was like oh shit he thinks hes the hillbilly Castro

seriosly though F.A.M. Franks a good dude he is considered a hero by his younger brothers sisters and little cousins of all ages...he always WANTED to go hang with thier uncle with the traveling hands...can you imagine the $$$ he saved them in therapy....

well frank i hate to see ya go brotha...and if you ever get down on ur luck and need to work to supply ur weed habbit theres always work for you here bro...


/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\(incase that one missed...thats printed on my T shirt...LOL...)/\/\/\/\/\


all the best to you man,i hope to still see ya around the boards with ur cool ass sense of humor.thanks for everythin brother.
peace -T-

 

[asher1er]

you guys are fucked up.
let the insults fly!
i get down w/ the best of him.
thanks i guess???

for admin who read this.........
i will not be insulted in the slightest by this, its cool w/ me.
i consider you all my friends and friends break balls.
so feel free to flame me you limp dick sea suckers!

damn homie, don't get them whitey tighties in a bunch!!