herei am at 49...and friendless.

[KillerDemo]

I have same situation as you and im only 30 years old. The friends i thought I had were only around to use and extract what they wanted/needed at the time from me and then they moved on. Being alone for extended period shows you what you need in quality friends.

 

[Cvh]

CVH, I think what you 'might' have is called Asperger's Syndrome. It's a very mild form of social autism that's caused by environmental conditions at a young age. It's completely normal given the circumstances and is treatable. Do a little research for Asperger's Syndrome. It might be enlightening for you. Once you understand what is the cause... you can research the condition and begin treating yourself. It's not easy but doable.

I had/have it, as does one of my brothers and my son. I think my father probably had it.

You are quite correct, in the past they diagnosed me with several mental illnesses. But it's not really autism. I'll look into Asperger syndrome, maybe I can relate to it. But it's like you also said everything was caused about the circumstances how I was raised.

I can guarantee you that growing up in certain situations will leave it marks. I hope that this is also a warning for members here with children.

Here in my country the treatment was that I got locked up. I think I was 14 or 15. I was placed with 5 other youngster in a small room. We needed to stay there from 8am until 7 pm. We could only leave the room if we needed to use the bathroom (under supervision). Not easy to pee when they are standing behind you. No TV in the room. We needed to write a written request and depending on our group behaviour we were granted TV rights several hours a week. The same for other activities like sports and receive visitors. We needed to eat there also.We were not allowed to interact with other groups. And must remain silent.
At days end we were escorted individually to our single person sleeping rooms. Lights were shut off at 9pm or 10 pm I think. We could only shower a few times a week.

The only thing I did wrong to end up there was trying to kill myself. Because of some things they knew about family members activity I was placed in the group with the hardest regime. Yes, the nephew of a 'Boss' means I'm dangerous as hell, sigh..
The only good thing about it is that the other youngsters came from similar lives. We understood each other just fine. We only talked to each other, when therapist came for group session we said nothing and knew nothing not even our names. Atleast there was no violence there. Only long hours sitting still on a chair day in day out. I was there for almost a year. They thought we needed just some discipline and structure with little to none distraction. The thing is we all were very disciplined. Just bad seeds that needed a good and loving surrounding.

I was and still am a very nice and none violent guy, but others were ticking timebombs. A few of our group had very serious charges and were referred from juvenile jail to the institution because they were to unmanageable for them there.

I'm not really looking for any more treatment in mental health care.

See some movies about juvenile institutions if you were never locked up or can't relate:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=M9kaKslG_AQ

 

[brown_thumb]

That's a very difficult youth, Cvh. Thank goodness you're out of that situation.

 

[Cvh]

.

 

[mtbazz]

If i didn't have weed in my life, the isolation would probably be too much. Had some homemade edibles last night, just pottering around home chatting online, watching some videos on the internet, eating some nice food high as fuck chuckling away over nothing, it was bliss. Then had a solid 10 hour sleep to top it all off.

Hey MTBazz you said you stopped smoking earlier in the thread?? Perhaps that is making you far too aware of your "reality" I think you need some weed in your life mate

Correct...for the most part. I might puff a little on a friday/saturday night to unwind while watching a movie or whatever, but overall I've just found it makes me more forgetful and more lazy and at this point I can't afford to be either.

 

[sallyforthDeleted member 75382]

Yes look into aspergers. I am very similar to you and have been mis diagnosed most of my life. I am 51 and only this year got the diagnosis. I have also endured many psychiatric drugs that just messed me up even more however I'm off all that crap now and just medicate with the right flowers, some varieties are a no go but cannabis is great in settling thoughts and putting you in the 'right' space. I do try to be social but find I can only deal with 1 friend at a time and I'm always taken wrong due to my autistic ways that I can't help. Cannabis really does help the condition and there's research going into it for autism.

 

[angelgoob]

sometimes we don't need friends because we also have common interests with others on here and on facebook. that helps us connect and vent for those like us.

 

[Floridian]

I had two good friends not long ago,a fishing partner that loved what I grew,and a friend I used to do narcotics with.Now that I don't grow and had to sell my boat and I don't go to the pill mill anymore,I find I have zero friends.Fuck folks.

 

[WelderDan]

My best friend died of cancer a couple years ago. I had already narrowed down my list of friends to people that took the time to contact me, instead of me having to initiate contact. He was the only one, and we were pretty tight. After he died, I was down to just the wife. She's great, but guys need to do guy shit and I was getting a little stir crazy. Then I got put on another shift at work, and the guy I work is a drummer in a band. He invited me to hang out when they practice, and I made a new batch of friends. They practice out of a storage unit, and party down. Lots of people drop by and I've met a bunch of people. That's pretty much my social life outside the family now.

Solitude is fine. I spent a lot of time alone. It takes getting used to, but sometimes you need to do that, to get comfortable with your self.

You can have friends, if that's what you want. But you may have to put yourself out there. It's hard to do if you are used to being alone, but if human contact is what you desire, you will find it. But you might have to put some effort into it.

 

[soundman]

I have been isolated for the last three years about. I have slight autism and some sort of personality disorder. I am down to one real friend that understands me.

I fully understand what you are going through.

Get any form of tumors and watch your friends run too. Seems people can't deal with friends problems.

I am actually hating weed at the moment too. When that is all you have you can resent it. Its just me and a couple plants.

Anyway I hope you pull out of this funk,

 

[Floridian]

I wish I had a couple plants to lean on,although I do understand what you're saying.Plants are inanimate and wouldn't desert you if they could.People on the other hand have a say in their actions.I really can't believe since I've been "back" the way I've been ignored and just plain hardly spoken to.And I make overtures.Yea this probation will end in a few months and I'll tell you,I will be able to do what I love once again and be successful in a number of ways and fuck my buddies doublefuck the pricks

 

[brown_thumb]

I lost my beloved pug two years ago. He was my best friend. He loved me for who I am, not for what he can get from me. People aren't like that... they always expect something from others.

MTBAZZ, have you considered getting a dog or other pet?

 

[Spaventa]

MTBAZZ what blood group are you? You sound like an O negative. Creative, intelligent, a misfit, sensitive. Joining a gym that has a pool and sauna etc is great way to get out more, meet new people AND get fit

 

[packerfan79]

I think most of us here are loners, I have my wife and kids, a couple good friends. But I don't see friends often. It's weird I deal with 40 people or so, on the weed front, but I learned when I lost a crop no weed they disappear. Funny how they claim to be down for you but are not. I ignore almost all request to hang with customers.

I have a kid who is high functioning autistic, crazy smart, photographic memory, almost no social skills. At school he does parallel play, his class has kids that are much more severe, so he gets less attention. He was reading at a 3rd grade level in kindergarten, but his comprehension is where it should be. I really worry about him when he is older. He's 7 now. His little sister kinda watches over him. I am glad she's good with him but I don't want her to resent him later in life. I wouldn't change any of my kid's. I worry that my son won't have an independent life. If he stays interested in school and computers, I think he Will be ok for him career wise. Socially he has some big issues, he has meltdowns occasionally if he's overstimulated.

Sorry for clogging up the thread. I hope you find what you're looking for. I say find a pothead woman who can hang with you.

 

[angelgoob]

People are like all my friends just do drugs with me. Drink alcohol. SMoke weed.

But it's like that not all that they visit you for though,you're undermining your relationship and not realizing the drugs connect us.