herei am at 49...and friendless.

[mtbazz]

Not really sure how I wound up in this place, but here I am at 49 years of age and by and large am pretty much friendless.

Being more or less an introvert and preferring solitude or the company of a few over larger gatherings, I've always had trouble making and keeping friends, but I always managed to have a few people in my limited social circles who'd I be able to go hang with or do something with on a Fri or Sat night.

Playing music, a onetime hobby and and passion brought me out around people where I'd be able to socialize as well, but these days that flame has pretty much burned out, partly with the realization that even though I can play have a decent ear and set of chops, people by and large don't seem to want to play with me. Could be that I am not "hip" enough for some folks...who the fuck knows..but that message has been sent loud and clear by several different groups of people.

As time went on and I got older, I found myself working more and more at my career, and as I also got more involved with this "hobby" that brings us all to this forum, I became increasingly more reluctant to bring people to my home.


Sort of sucks...I mean to think that these days I pretty much just go to work, come home, eat, walk/play with the dog for an hour than go to bed and than wash rinse and repeat is sort of depressing.

 

[Dropped Cat]

People are shit, you good bro.

 

[Green Squall]

Try and reconnect with old friends and branch out from there. Get back into music too. Fuck what people think. Its prob all in your head anyways.

Dogs are a great tool to meet girls by the way lol. Go to a dog park or someplace similar.

 

[rod58]

struggle on mate . i'm sure your no orphan there ! its not so bad being a loner ..hahaha , i enjoy it !

 

[soil margin]

Sort of sucks...I mean to think that these days I pretty much just go to work, come home, eat, walk/play with the dog for an hour than go to bed and than wash rinse and repeat is sort of depressing.

Don't feel too bad. I'm in almost the same situation except I barely have something that qualifies as a job and I don't even have a dog. Life can suck sometimes.

 

[Andyo]

dog

dog

Your all that dog has!

 

[maxmurder]

what do you play?

 

[brown_thumb]

I learned long ago that solitude can be a good thing. Most people (nearly everyone) will lie, cheat, steal and take advantage. I'm not saying I don't socialize at all. I'm saying I socialize relatively little and I trust NO ONE.

 

[sutra1]

I'll be you're friend........

 

[huligun]

I am not sure what I am reading is a complaint or just a flat statement of what it is.

One, if you prefer solitude then you are probably okay. Dogs show that best example of unconditional love that exist. They can make a poor or sick person smile. But a dog is not the only thing that a human being craves in affection.

Do you want friends? Do social things, join a club, even a church. I know not everyone wants to go to church, but there are a lot of people just like you trying to find answer in a lonely world of uncertainty.

Start off small, just go to a club or whatever. Be yourself. If you lie or try to be someone else you are creating an image of someone else for people to like, and it isn't you. Be true to yourself and to others. Help the poor, the handicapped, those that are not attractive and you will find the goodness in your heart. Be careful to not open yourself up too quickly or you could set yourself up for opportunist and further sadness.

We are all friends here, and just get to know some you like reading about. There are a lot of very interesting people here with varied interest. You seem to like your career, or you wouldn't try so hard. That means you have interest beyond the bong. Others are like you out there and you will enjoy connecting. But as already said, still be careful before opening up too much.

Are you alone because you are afraid for growing weed in your home? That is a common problem. Growing weed is fun, but it is no substitute for human companionship. If growing is keeping you a loner weigh out all the facts and make an adult decision. I can grow amazing weed, but currently I am in hiatus for social reasons. I don't want my house smelling like a skunk because we have visitors and family in our home at all times, and most of them consider smoking marijuana an American thing and really aren't into it. I am still true to myself. I can buy anything I want around here, and the choices are amazing. I am not giving up growing as much as I open to try and buy anything that comes along.

Good luck. Check back in to tell us what is what

 

[Genghis Kush]

share your weed more.



Bhavatu Sabba Mangalam
Rakkhantu sabba-devatā

Sabba-buddhānubhāvena
Sadā sotthī bhavantu te.

 

[Loc Dog]

I am in similar boat. Had very high paying jobs in 1990's through 2005, in network security. Started having anxiety attacks, while caring for parent with Alzheimers. Tried a few business projects which failed. After being out of job for 3 years, no one would hire again, went bankrupt, and gave up on everything. I don't go anywhere, talk to anyone, or do anything except take care of other parent. Have 10 year old car with 15,000 miles. Like many people, this hobby makes you leary of bringing anyone around, which is a problem if trying to make enough to live off.

I have always been an introvert, and had low self esteem. Being successful in business was the only thing that helped me.

 

[mtbazz]

I am not sure what I am reading is a complaint or just a flat statement of what it is.

Probably a little of both, but mostly the latter. I'm really not the kind of person who wants/needs people around all the time, but than again when I stop to think that theres not one person I can call right now and say "lets go out for dinner or do some activity" it just seems wrong.

One, if you prefer solitude then you are probably okay. Dogs show that best example of unconditional love that exist. They can make a poor or sick person smile. But a dog is not the only thing that a human being craves in affection.

Do you want friends? Do social things, join a club, even a church. I know not everyone wants to go to church, but there are a lot of people just like you trying to find answer in a lonely world of uncertainty.

Start off small, just go to a club or whatever. Be yourself. If you lie or try to be someone else you are creating an image of someone else for people to like, and it isn't you. Be true to yourself and to others. Help the poor, the handicapped, those that are not attractive and you will find the goodness in your heart. Be careful to not open yourself up too quickly or you could set yourself up for opportunist and further sadness.



We are all friends here, and just get to know some you like reading about. There are a lot of very interesting people here with varied interest. You seem to like your career, or you wouldn't try so hard. That means you have interest beyond the bong. Others are like you out there and you will enjoy connecting. But as already said, still be careful before opening up too much.

Yeah..Dogs are great, and to be honest some of the happiest moments I have are just watching her run around in the woods doing dog stuff. As far as churches and clubs go, been thinking about that.

I'm generally pretty good at reading people at this point in life, and think I pretty much know when I am being played and when Im not, so in general am pretty careful about opening up. good advice though.

As far as the career goes, I "like it" only in terms of it being lucrative for me, so have a vested interest in making sure I live up to my potential there. The co-workers I have there by and large are ok...Some have pressured me from time to time to hang outside of work, but I generally like to keep some separation between my work life and private life.

Are you alone because you are afraid for growing weed in your home? That is a common problem. Growing weed is fun, but it is no substitute for human companionship. If growing is keeping you a loner weigh out all the facts and make an adult decision. I can grow amazing weed, but currently I am in hiatus for social reasons. I don't want my house smelling like a skunk because we have visitors and family in our home at all times, and most of them consider smoking marijuana an American thing and really aren't into it. I am still true to myself. I can buy anything I want around here, and the choices are amazing. I am not giving up growing as much as I open to try and buy anything that comes along.

Good luck. Check back in to tell us what is what

bolded: In large part thats it. I've honestly tried stopping growing but found I don't really want to, in large part because it's such an amazing plant. I don't even smoke anymore but enjoy hooking friends up with amazing weed.

To address other responses. I play bass...while getting back into playing is something I'd like to happen, realistically it's just not something that can happen, at least not on a regular basis, and that's basically because Im not into making commitments at this point in time (basically too tired and run down after a week of working to want to do that anymore).

 

[Weird]

does anything have to do with you smoking and growing?

I have lived a very closed life to keep those rights preserved

It has come at the same consequence and I put effort in to change that dynamic

 

[DocTim420]

Let's assume at 49...your life on Earth is about half over, which means you probably have another 49+ years left. Rather than look at "what I can take" away from "life"--perhaps look at "what you can give". There are: givers and takers--assets and liabilities--have and have nots....just decide which one you want to be.

Puppies are great conversation breakers and chick magnets, but, IMO it is not "thee" answer. Rather than wait for someone to do something for you--as in saying "hi", smiling or opening a door or "_________" (fill in the blank)...which are "taker" actions--flip it around and be the initiator or "giver". Don't wait for someone to "give" to you, "give" first.

Be the first to smile first, first to say "hi", first to ask "how are you doing this morning" and you will see how easy it is to be a "giver". Do the "small talk" thing with everyone you encounter in person and on the telephone--ask how their day is, comment about the weather, then...LISTEN. It takes less than 30 seconds and then conduct your business with them.

A simple game I play is to identify the natural "grumps", you know those with a pissy attitude that never smile. Make eye contact with a stranger and immediately smile, if they smile back--they're cool, if they dart their eyes away or make no facial expression...they're "grumps" and probably wear a baseball cap with the letter "L".

It seems that most inventions and business startups were initiated by someone older than 50, some in their 60s & 70s. Innovation does not seem to be dependent on "youth". Us old farts have both education and "experience"--youngsters just have "education".

Where to meet "strangers" that are "cool"--try volunteering for charities that share your philosophy of life. You can volunteer to slop food at soup kitchens (zero skill set required) or volunteer your skills and career expertise to a group that needs it. (Damn...there is that "giver" vs "taker" thing again.)

 

[St. Phatty]

Growing right can be a covert operation.

Often conducted SOLO.


Compare that to how the government manages covert ops - usually there is a psychiatrist involved just to keep an eye on when people need to take a break.

(I'm not referring to "Nate" on NCIS-LA ... but that is an example.)


I reduced my indoor plant count this year, partially so I could have people in my house without sweating it.


The covert op of growing a large stealth grow can get to a person.

 

[DTFuqua]

Hi kid. I'm 62 and very much an introvert. Use your music. get a good PA setup and do DJ gigs and Karaoke at bars. make a little money while you have fun. Do volunteer gigs if you have to to get started. Buy yourself a motorcycle and find a babe to ride on back. Also, Don't be so picky about what a woman looks like or does to survive. Here is a pic of my girlfriend. She is slap fukking crazy and was a street whore when I met her but she only did that to survive. She punched a cop and has been in jail for the past year so take it for what it's worth.

 

[armedoldhippy]

well, i'm 59 now, and down to 3 or 4 folks i call friends. a bunch of folks got married/drifted off, several died (getting more common these days) lost some pals from taking sides when splits happened. used to have 40/60 people show for parties, now i make an appointment to burn one. shit happens. some good advice about the dogs. good way to meet folks, ladies esp. teach Spot to play frisbee & see how many people stop to talk. kids want to throw it for the dog, their mommies want to make sure you aint a perv. don't fuck up & give the game away too soon...

 

[CosmicGiggle]

Move to sunny California or PNW where you can be more open about your 'hobby' and find more like-minded souls.

 

[Floridian]

I just turned 57 and am pretty much in the same boat,Its a boat most excellent.I would not trade it in for an expensive yacht with all the superficial people that comes along with it.Before I started taking care of mom,I had two or three real people that I could trust and whos company I enjoyed.I had it the other way when I was younger and looking back,was not nearly as serene as I was being mostly alone.Its a grass is greener sort of thing I believe,and it takes honest introspection to know where you stand.Maybe you need people more than you think?Or maybe you are not remembering thinks exactly as they actually were.In my younger days,my friends were just people with their own agendas that I could never really count on in a pinch.Today, the few people I associate with actually would have my back in a pinch.I have played guitar since I was 15 and recently had to basically stop due to pain in my fingers.Now THAT really hurts.Either way I hope you find your happiness bro.